Please help....Desperately need advice.......

[glen]

I met this gal 5 months ago, everything was going smooth until something bad happened, please read my earlier posting

 

link removed

 

We still see each other regularly, she says she is in very bad shape and stuck in between me and him, she always think of him in bed with another woman after this incident. She wanna let him go but she loves him alot so unable to do so. She has moved back with him but staying differently, I want her happy, but at the same time I wanna be with her. I love her alot and want to spend my rest of life with her. After moving back with him, she back to meet me within couple of days. I know she likes me , she say she like him alot but cant forget what happened. What shall I do? I like her very much, always think about her. She knows I want her desperatly , and her ex also want her too. He knows she is seeing me , and I am her bf, he still trying his best to get her back.

Please tell me what to do.....

[DragonGirl724]

hey man i read you other link & im so sorry but i think youre definitly falling for the wrong girl. i think you should let her go. im sorry its not what you want to hear, but listen you were with her for 3 months & she was unfaithful to you, never tolerate that from anyone in life!! what is it that you love about her so much anyway?!? she doesnt know what she wants in life, she isnt trustworthy, & shes constantly thinking about her ex, let alone she ADMITTED SHE STILL LOVES HIM. dont be with someone you come 2nd place to!!!

 

"She wanna let him go but she loves him alot so unable to do so. She has moved back with him but staying differently, I want her happy, but at the same time I wanna be with her. I love her alot and want to spend my rest of life with her. After moving back with him, she back to meet me within couple of days."

 

dude, she is living with him, & she said she still loves him....im sorry but theyre probably getting back together & having 'relations' with eachother if you know what i mean. i wouldnt tolerate any of this crap if i were you. maybe shes just stringing you along, but in her head & heart she already let go. & slowly weaning you out of her life. im so sorry but i think youre way better off without this girl. let her have the prostitute purchasing ex of hers she loves so much. she has too much drama & a bad track record for you to even waste your time with. youre lucky its only been a few months...get out while you can.

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

i really have to agree with dragongirl you know, im not trying to sound pesimestic or anything, really, i just think that you can do better and that when you find a faithful girl who loves you, you will look back at this other girl and really wonder what you ever saw in her. don't go for the first thing there, expecailly when it doesn't know what it wants. reach for the gold dude.

good luck and hang in there k.

[HeavenLee]

Hi Glen! This girl seems like a very confused girl. I can tell that you love her very much. I know you only want her to be happy, but she must come to this conclusion herself. It is very nice that you shower her with attention still, but you are only feeding her hesitation. Right now, she has you and the ex on hold waiting to see how the outcome with him is. If it's not good, then she will come running back to you. But at the moment she is enjoying the best of both worlds. I see that you have tried to win her back by showing her attention and affection, but it doesn't seem to be working. So maybe it's time to try another tact. I don't mean to be nasty or mean to her, I just mean that it's time that you stood up for yourself and push her into making a decision or losing you.

 

Firstly, I would sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel about her. Tell her that you want her to be happy, but that it is hurting you very much that she is swaying in between you and him all the time. She has asked for space, so give it to her. Tell her that you will respect her decision and will not contact her until she has made a decision about who she wants to be with. Wish her all the best and let her know that if she needs you as a friend that you will gladly be there for her. Give her the opportunity to know what she is missing. If you give her much more than the ex, then she will definitely miss all the nice things you do for her. He may have been with her longer, but if he is a jerk and you are a nice guy who treats her well, it will play in your favour. But you need to give her the chance to miss you and everything good about you. Hopefully that will make her see who she is better off with and will be happier with.

 

Unfortunately though, we can't make someone want to be with us. You can only try this method and see if it works. If she really wants to be with the ex though, there is nothing you can do. She just needs to get him out of her system, but to do that she needs to make that choice. She will delay doing that until she realises that her ex may be no good for her, and on top of that she risks losing you too. Remember, it's not just you that has something to lose, she is also risking alot as well. We can't control what someone else does, we can only be the best people we can be and if she loves you, she will come back.... but you have to let her go before she can realise that.

 

Good luck to you glen. I hope the good guy wins in this case!

[glen]

She did mention though, she know she cant be with him as she saw him with another women, with me or without me she cant be with him, these were her words she send me few days ago.

[HeavenLee]

If she really meant that, then it's time for her to let him go. It is hard, but we all have a choice to make in life. She is trying to avoid making it, and you are making it too easy on her so she has no need to make any decisions. Let her go..... if she really loves you the way that you deserve to be loved, she will come back.

[FuriousSam]

Go out, meet other people or find a hobby to keep you busy. This girl is not worth it... But of course, you wouldn't listen to us, would you?

[glen]

Dear Sam,

 

I want advice thats why I am here, but you must understand love is blind. I truly regard each advice given, I am truly making my mind to do something, it really need a lot of courage to do. She did quarrel with him few times to let her stay alone in that house as she has some share in that, but he do not want to move out. She move out of my place, cos she didnt let him out of her mind before she move in with me, she say she feel guilty and need some time alone, I trust her. But now I am stuck , I love her alot. I spoke to her to rationalise things, but women always go for guys who are difficult types. I am just waiting for her to realize things using her brain.

[DragonGirl724]

I spoke to her to rationalise things, but women always go for guys who are difficult types.

 

yeah, youre one to talk there mister.....

 

I am just waiting for her to realize things using her brain.

 

how about you realize thing for YOURSELF now & just use YOUR brain & let her go....

 

-DG724

[Luscious]

Hey what I think everyone here is trying to say is that you deserve better, why should you wait around until she clears her head there are more fishes in the sea...and you may think that you won't get over this one but you will b/c TIME heals all wounds.

There's a saying, "if you love it let it kill ya"...do you really want this to kill you (not literally). Nobody deserves to be place in a position like yours, either she wants to be with you or not your not a yo yo and by allowing this you're gonna be in a worst position than before.

 

But glen let it go if it was yours from the beginning she will come back to you!!!

[Iceman26]

Dude you need to gather your self respect.

 

First of all, if she is living with him, then I am almost 100 percent sure she is sleeping with him, I dont care what she tells you. How many guys live with their ex girlfriends and dont sleep with them? Come on. Yeah they sleep in separate rooms after hes done with her for the night.

 

She is talking to you in case things dont work out with the ex, then you are there waiting for her.......I guarantee he probably doesnt know she is still talking to you. Are you allowed to go over to where she is staying? Have you met the ex? Does he know about your feelings for her?

 

The girl you want to be with will always treat you like number 1. You are a second choice to this girl. I would never, ever, take a girl like that back or spend a moment more dealing with her stupid bu****it.

 

Love is blind my a** this isnt love its mindless infatuation.

[DragonGirl724]

iceman,

 

i hope he listens to you this time...i said exactly what you said on page 1 & i think it went in 1 ear & out the other...

 

i def think theyre screwing around. this is incomprehendable how youd tolerate this & allow yoursef to be put on the back burner....

 

-DG724

[Iceman26]

I doubt it, since most people think my advice is harsh, brutal honesty mixed with a strong dose of reality. I try giving advice anyways though, in the hopes that I can help someone.

[DragonGirl724]

I doubt it, since most people think my advice is harsh, brutal honesty mixed with a strong dose of reality. I try giving advice anyways though, in the hopes that I can help someone.

 

thats how i roll too. ive been 'too harsh for the forums' as well. i call it tough love baby. some dont like what i say b/c its whats really going down. i refuse to BS people & tell them what they want to hear. in the end i'd wind up just repeating myself over & over to them until im blue i the face & them realizing 8months down the line & saying "i shoulda listened to you 8 months ago". it just creates more of a mess living in an ideal fantasy world.

 

i hope glen understands whats more than likely the case here & its not gonna be his ideal situation...& puts his foot down. sometimes reality is a tough pill to swallow.

 

in situations like this i refer to it as the Band-Aid effect...you can slowly pull away this burden in your life & the pain will simply drag on longer & more painfully rather than if you just rip it off at the get-go & deal with it for now, heal, & then be happier sooner and longer.

 

-DG724

[FuriousSam]

Dear Sam,

 

I want advice thats why I am here, but you must understand love is blind. I truly regard each advice given, I am truly making my mind to do something, it really need a lot of courage to do. She did quarrel with him few times to let her stay alone in that house as she has some share in that, but he do not want to move out. She move out of my place, cos she didnt let him out of her mind before she move in with me, she say she feel guilty and need some time alone, I trust her. But now I am stuck , I love her alot. I spoke to her to rationalise things, but women always go for guys who are difficult types. I am just waiting for her to realize things using her brain.

 

What if I were to tell you that I can make you fall in love with me or anyone else? No I don't swing that way, I am just making a point here. You know how you fall in love with someone? You think about that person all the time like she is the only one for you. Well guess what, the last time I checked, there's 6 billion people on earth and that means you have 3 billion other girls to choose from. What makes this one so special over all the others? Because you did this or you did that with her? You can do the same things with other people and you will feel just the same. The bottom line is this, none of use here can give you a pill or a shot and tell you to take it then all your love problems will go away (And I doubt you want that either). But if you truly want to change, you will find a way and there won't be any excuses.

[Iceman26]

Very well said Sam and Dragongirl

[glen]

Before I do anything, I just wanna share few more things. Initially she wanted to be alone by getting own place for herself, and then to evaluate who to be with. She mention she is living in guilt everyday as I have been very nice to her and she has not let him out of her mind yet. Her ex promised that he would let her stay there alone and move out from that place, but at the end after few days he was back there. When she was with me, she say feel guilty so want to be alone for sometime. Her ex knows that she is seeing me and even come to my house also, she has told him that I her bf at this moment, I have spoken to him after that prostitute incident, I told him how can he love her and sleep with another woman, the reason I called him as I saw her terribly shocked and in pain, I couldnt take it and I just call him. After that incident they had long talk few times and he also blame her that she is also not right by seeing me, since she was seeing me , so he can do anything he want. He knows she is with me , but he is trying to get her back, she told me she would not go back to him, as she cant take it her bf with another woman and she has broken before her relationships due to this reason.Her 70 % of stuff is still at my place.

[DragonGirl724]

glen,

 

sorry man but u should really wake up...she said she still loves him...THAT ALONE should be enough to ditch this chick! all the minor details are irrelevant. completely meaningless! you are coming 2nd here & you need to see *stuff* for wat it is & stop being so blind to reality & the REAL DEAL. jeez...i dont get it...she loves him...end of story! hes tryin to get her back living in her house....if she really wanted him out shed get him out of her house!!! the cops could settle that in the 5 minutes it takes to fill out a temporary restraining order. cmon now man...get with it. stop settling for this chick. i dont understand whats going on in your head?!?!

 

in life people will walk all over someone who lets them....so have fun being her doormat...she only treats you this way because she CAN, because you LET her!

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

she feels guilt for a reason.....maybe for reasons you arent considering.. THINK ABOUT THAT ONE. if she wanted to be with you she would be wit you. screw that 'i dont know who i want crap'! i was in that perdicament before & had to choose b/w 2 guys & as soon as the choice was put in my face one of them said take me or im leaving im not waiting around...i made my choice right there on the spot. its not that difficult if she wants this prostitute renter what the hell let her have him!!! arent you better than that??????

 

 

-DG724

[glen]

I know , I am much much better then that guy. All this has really helped me and I would push her to make some decision. One thing I am still puzzled when I ask her to make decision 2 months into my relationship, told her to leave me if she wanna be with him, she choose me....but later after this incident she should know the reality of that guy, rather she is behaving to opposite to what I thought. maybe some women can put some light on this??

[FuriousSam]

Don't try to understand it with logic, understand it using reality. You are going against reality here. And the saying goes, the higher you go...

[DragonGirl724]

I know , I am much much better then that guy.

 

so maybe she feels she doesnt deserve you & wants a guy like him. let her have him & quit wasting your time!

 

All this has really helped me and I would push her to make some decision. One thing I am still puzzled when I ask her to make decision 2 months into my relationship, told her to leave me if she wanna be with him, she choose me....but later after this incident she should know the reality of that guy, rather she is behaving to opposite to what I thought. maybe some women can put some light on this??

 

dude, she said it to buy herself some more time. obviously b/c she hasnt made up her mind yet & she still has the 2 of you around...so shes playing her cards very well for her benefit only. she needs to cut the crap & so do you. let her go. stop waiting around for her to make the decision for you! grab life by the balls & run with it! go out meet new people, get this confused chick out of your way. let her next bf deal w/ this ex issue. its ugly & too time consuming. the longer you stay with the wrong person the less time youre gonna have with the right person. the clock is tickin bro. quit wasting time. if i were you id give her the boot & get on with my life...wish her good luck & good riddens!

 

-DG724

[Iceman26]

I agree with Sam and Dragongirl yet again.

 

I am beginning to think you are pretty clueless. As I said before, be a man and make the decision that you aren't going to be treated like s***

by anyone, especially a two timing s*** like that one. Have you even considered the fact that even if you got back together with her, you should have her get tested for STD's?

 

She is sleeping with a guy that sleeps with prostitutes, is risking your own life worth it for a girl that is so lame she wanted to get back together with her ex because he was dumb and desperate enough to pay for sex? Come on man.

[DragonGirl724]

i was thinking the same thing throughout this entire post....i wouldnt ever be with a guy whos paid for sex....

 

this whole thing is outragious.

 

-DG724

[HeavenLee]

Hey guys!

 

I just wanted to ask for you to not be so harsh on Glen. I know it's frustrating, but remember that we are on the outside looking in. He is very emotionally involved, and has the "love blinkers" on, and may not see things the way we do. He came here for advice because he is very hurt, and we can only tell him what we think is the best thing for him to do and how we perceive things, in the hope that he may eventually see the truth. What he does with the advice is purely up to him, and he will have to bear the consequences of his own decisions.

 

Haven't you ever been clueless when you've been in love? I know that I have...