hit me with the brutel truth

[QTpie87]

I need to know the truth, the honest truth...don't try and make me feel like oh well it's okay...i really need to know...i appericate when people try and give the brighter side of things, but i'm looking for the most honest answers i can get here.

 

ok so.... Every one has a little bit of a vain side to them, wheither it is way way noticeable, or just some what part of them.

Now my question is, if a girl is like maybe 20lbs over weight, weighing about 150 does it make guys yuck out? see i used to be able to get any guy to look at me and guys would wanna go out on dates, but now, it's totally different. i don't look fat, i really don't, i look chubby, but not fat.

Doesn't any one these days look at the person you are and not how you look.

im disgusted in myself and others for it. i used to be like that, and to tell the truth sometimes i still am, but i have gotten better about it now that i know how it feels to be a little over weight.

Is there any way i can make my personality stand out more...see im really shy and i feel like if i could brighten up the personality i have that maybe i would start getting some good attention again.

any advice?

thanx a bunch, love Qtpie87

[emma34]

well i'm not sure if your looking for a woman's perspective - but heres mine anyway. Initially - I always look at people shallowly ( i will admit this ) but it doesn't last. The way I look at it, in a way, it's a good thing (and i don't mean to sugercoat for you) cause it weeds out all the superficial jerks that want you for one thing, and who are just shallow...cause I do believe there are ppl who'll want you for one thing, even for the rest of their lives, and that would not be cool. In another light, sure you might not get as many dates, but that's understandable. ppl our age (i'm 18) - all they think about is sex, whether it's subcousciously or not...so if they see someone skinny and blonde and all that superficial crap they're drawn to it. But if your asking do they 'yuck' out? No way. I feel like your wanting someone to tell you 'your fat and no one will like you' to verify your own thoughts, but it's not true. It truly is personality that matters, and the older you get, the more everyone will understand this. Besides, looks fade anyway, right? Think of it this way - would you yuck out if you saw a guy a few pounds overweight?

[drydupfob]

maybe try to loose the weight? I mean 150 is kind of a lot for a girl. I mean nothing to be ashamed about tho. I used to weight 240. I lost around 65lbs in almost 6 month. I mean its really not that hard if you are dedicated.

 

And on the vain part. I mean We are young. So we obviously go for looks over personality at first. speaking for me, If a girl looks good that makes me want to go and talk to her and find out about her personalty. as oppose to a girl that dosen't look as good.

 

good luck with everything. Hope that wasn't hurtful, i was just being honest.

[QTpie87]

i get what your saying, no i wouldn't yuck out at all, but it seems like guys are different about those things you know?, I need to work on getting my personality to shine a little more, im working on losing the weight too.

well what brought this question about was that i used to like, well still like, this guy who is a really really good cool friend. one day he brought up how the first thing he looks for in a girl is usually the way she looks and how he wants to change that.

He has told me before that he thinks im a really cute cool girl, but he for some reason wont go out with me and he knows i like him, and he flirts up the ying yang. He says it's because he is going on his mission soon and doesn't want a relationship, however he goes out with other girls.

i don't get it...he says he wants to go out when he gets back from his mission, but for some reason not now...that just seems odd to me, and to tell the truth it kinda hurts my feelings. you know?

[ReadyorNot]

I am also a female but I will give my opinion too...

 

I personally think that really thin girls are un-attractive.. I think around 150 is a very sexy weight (no i am not a lesbian, I am just able to admit when a girl is really pretty or sexy)

 

Curves are really sexy.. who wants a sack of bones????

[QTpie87]

No of course it wasn't hurtful...i was looking for the truth..thanks guys.

[Helpme86]

I'm not the best fit guy around so yea, it hurts. I don't know what you look like, but some guys don't like a girl even a bit over weight. I'll admit it too, looks are first, but yea, after the true personality shows through, looks go way way down the list. Check out my post, I want to get to know this girl, and shes deaf and I don't even know here. If I don't mine a disability like that, then I'm sure there is a guy who does not mind a "chubby" girl. Infact, a friend of mine is going out with a overweigt girl. Guys don't have to be to want a bigger girl. Hope that helps.

[QTpie87]

I really like all of your opinions, thank you. Readyornot, i think yours was my favorate, it made me smile, thanx that makes me feel a little better.

Helpme86 i did check out your post and i even replyed to it, hope my opinion helps.

thank all of you so much

[DragonGirl724]

I need to know the truth, the honest truth...don't try and make me feel like oh well it's okay...i really need to know...i appericate when people try and give the brighter side of things, but i'm looking for the most honest answers i can get here.

 

lol i am the right person for you then...i dont think any advice should be sugar coated.

 

-DG724

[chai714]

Initially, looks are what attracts people. There is no way getting around that. Society is focusing on looks today more now than ever. Just look at the plastic surgery statistics. It used to be that playmates and celebrities getting breast implants, but now it's your neighbor or co-worker or even yourself.

 

The good news about your dilemma, is that ifyou don't like the way you look, you have the power to change or enhance your appearance. The Internet is the single greatest information source on anything. If you do want to lose weight, there are many ways to go about doing it, but it starts with your diet.

 

Is there any way i can make my personality stand out more...see im really shy and i feel like if i could brighten up the personality i have that maybe i would start getting some good attention again.

any advice?

 

Everything in life starts out small,including talk. Small talk gets you places, believe it or not. You can make small talk with anyone, about anything. I would encourage you to take a speech course in college right away, because you are "thrown out there" and you become more confident speaking to people. There are also books on mingling with people . . specifically, Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People. Read it and learn. Life is a learning process which never ends. Skills like conversing with people can be learned and mastered.

[Helpme86]

Initially, looks are what attracts people. There is no way getting around that.

Its also a thing called human nature. Depending on your beliefs, its the animal instinct to go for the better looking one.

[DragonGirl724]

well, it takes approximetly 10 seconds to make a first impression. true, about 5 of those seconds are based solely on appearance. we are humans, we analyze how people look, for both vain purposes, & also to remember them for future reference.

 

you still have 5 remaining seconds to show off everythng else you got goin for ya. even in passing glance while walking down the street you can make a good or bad impression on someone.

 

for example: your walking down the street, & you pass a guy walking in the opposite direction, you 2 make brief eye contact, now you may be overweight & have on a bad outfit, or a bad hair do etc, (he will probably take note of that-our 1st 5 seconds), but as you pass by give a warm friendly smile. youd be surprised how much more memorable that smile would be over your bad sense of style.

 

when you meet someone new, just have confidence in yourself & show off your charm & charisma & that sets off an ora that's more powerful than anything else. you wont be remembered as 'the overweight girl' but more so 'that nice girl'. i think most of the time we are more over critical of ourselves than other people are of us....

 

we all critique people, consciously & subconsciously. WE ALL DO IT. i think we're all born with a sense of vanity. but thats ok, just keep it to yourself, & dont let it separate someone else from you. like if someone isnt 'as pretty as you' dont treat them any differently or be ashamed of them. and try not to compare yourself to other people. the more we concern ourselves with our outer appearance of others the less accepting & welcoming we'll be....-if we utilize our first 10 seconds scoffing at someone's bad hair or hygeine itll not only hurt the other person, but it'll leave an everlasting impression on the kind of person YOU are.-

 

everyone is capable of being loved...fat, skinny, black, white, whatever....but as long as you love yourself & let others know the kind of person you are, none of that superficial stuff will even matter.

 

and THATS the HONEST truth of it all...

no sugar added...

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

and yes society is so over interested in 'the perfect bodies' (example: the plastic surgery show to 'create the ultimate beautiful person via plastic surgery' The Swan & on the latest American Idol, they booted this lady who sang BEAUTIFULLY b/c she was overweight & 'not what America whats to see') IT MADE ME SICK THAT THEY SAID THAT!!! the truth of the matter is none of us are barbie dolls & even if Barbie was a real human shed tip over herself. beauty has been so fabricated on TV now its discusting!! but as for those people in our lives that matter a "beautiful shell" isnt important.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

Initially, looks are what attracts people. There is no way getting around that.

Its also a thing called human nature. Depending on your beliefs, its the animal instinct to go for the better looking one.

 

even fish, birds, lions & other animals do it.

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

thank you i appreciate the no sugar added .

How can you love yourself when you aren't happy with yourself or your looks though. i have tried so hard to love myself, and i always hear this from people "just love yourself for who you are, accept yourself, everyone is different, looks aren't everything, it'll just take time."...so on it goes. but i don't like myself, i have tried to, and it doesn't work. i don't know to be who i want to be or look how i want to look. its so confusing. maybe this is a whole nother post topic for tomorrow. i don't know. anyways thank you all very much for the comments and taking the time to listen.

[DragonGirl724]

thank you i appreciate the no sugar added .

How can you love yourself when you aren't happy with yourself or your looks though. i have tried so hard to love myself, and i always hear this from people "just love yourself for who you are, accept yourself, everyone is different, looks aren't everything, it'll just take time."...so on it goes. but i don't like myself, i have tried to, and it doesn't work. i don't know to be who i want to be or look how i want to look. its so confusing. maybe this is a whole nother post topic for tomorrow. i don't know. anyways thank you all very much for the comments and taking the time to listen.

 

well QTpie, if it were only as easy as they say...i can understand its frustrating & annoying to hear the same lines over & over, so i will not waste your time or mine with them.

 

you have to get to the root of this problem, is it simply your outer appearance thats making you unhappy? or does it go further? do you feel inapt to be successful or do you feel 'stupid'? etc...

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

it goes much deeper....

i feel like i am really an outgoing person, however i am shy and i can't bring that person out. I feel like people judge me too much on my looks and way too soon. and i feel like i shouldn't care, no i know i shouldn't, but i do and i don't think that will change. I feel scared right now cause im about to graduate in March and then im on my own, and what if i mess up, how do i avoid it...I know you don't have an answer to all these, i was just answering your question.

I want a way to change my personality i guess, like i swear a lot and i don't want to...and i look girly, but when people get to know me better im really not, like im more rough and i want to be more gental, understanding, nice. so on...someone who people miss when they aren't around...i guess i just hate who i am all together, that also a lot of the time brings people to think im one way and then see a different side of me...i don't like who i am now...i don't know , maybe i need to go to the library and find some books to help me do this change, i don't know if that'll even work, im not really into books, i don't even know how to find a book in the library, i never go...geez.

[QTpie87]

I am taking it, really i am...i was just answering dragongirls question...

[DragonGirl724]

i suggest to hit the gym. not to make everyone else happy if you lost weight. but strictly for yourself. exorcise & dancing, aerobics etc all release endorphines into your body from your brain & makes you feel happy. exorcise helps you set goals & strive to get them, whether if its lose 5 lbs or push yourself to not only run 1 mile today but run 2, swim that extra lap! setting goals for yourself will give you a sense of accomplishment & confidence each time you go to the gym. which then creates a better self-image physically & mentally & helps your self esteem sky rocket.

 

eliminate people with degrading negative attitudes from your life. you do not need that & they are not your friends if they treat you badly. that includes BF's & GF's that are verbally abusive. there is something called psycho-somatic behavior...that is when your body reacts to how your mind is working & vice versa....so the idea here is to get both of those to coincide w/ eachother in a POSITIVE way instead of the endless self-hate cycle that its goin through right now...

 

you said:

"I feel like people judge me too much on my looks and way too soon. and i feel like i shouldn't care..."

 

im gonna be the one to tell you, that the person judging you too much on your looks is YOU. you have it set in your head that people arent going to like you b/c of how you look....& the only reason why you feel that way is b/c YOU dont like you b/c of how you look. so the goal here is to get rid of that self image you have of yourself & help you see the real woman inside of you.

 

i took note youre 17 yrs old & probably still goin thru some form of puberty & youre body going thru changes, both physically, mentally & chemically. this you have little to no control over & that sucks. we've all been there & we have all seen the worst of it all at one pt or another. youre body may be going through a temporary change. its a possibility.

 

im not sure what you mean by:

"I feel scared right now cause im about to graduate in March and then im on my own, and what if i mess up, how do i avoid it...I know you don't have an answer to all these, i was just answering your question."

im confused about the bold face print....do you mean youre going off to college & worrying about how ppl with perceive you?

 

you arent happy with how you are right now & you said: "I want a way to change my personality"

so i take it thats a step in the right direction. we cant love ourselves if we arent happy with who we are....

 

theres nothing wrong about not being a girly girl..i know im not. i may look it at times but i have the personality of a tom-boy more than anything. and its cool, really. so you may swear a little too often, i have the same fault. try 'catching yourself' when your about to say a curseword & substitute it for something goofy & stupid. itll help you out & itll make someone around you laugh. were you a big 'curser' before you started to not like yourself? maybe its beginning to take place b/c your angry with yourself & you express it through vulgar language.

 

and as for self-help books....ehh you can try them. i dont know the first thing about them. im not a library dweller either. lol did you consider seeking a form of professional help? or seek advice form close trusting friends & family?? though i think this webysyte might be able to help you out more than you know.

 

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

in all reality, this isnt about being 'too chubby' its more of a mentally driven condition rather than physical. i had a feeling it went deeper than just thinking shes 'too fat'. i think if she weighed less she would still think shes 'too fat' or 'not good enough'...

 

i agree supreman having a little meat on a person, guy or girl, is a good thing.

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

Yeah i have always had a huge swearing problem. i also have a HUGE anger problem, i was having to attend anger managment , mothers choice, for a few months and it didn't help at all, it just made everything worse.

yeah, i think i'll try that gym thing, also i am working on losing weight, it is just taking a lot longer than i wish it would. can't change that though, i wish, lol.

yeah i have also tried cousouling...this site is actually where i come with all my problems, i seem to get more varied opinoins and a little more insight on things i never really stopped to think about.

I will do what you suggested.

thankyou.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

150 pounds is not fat. Plain and simply. I would date a girl that weight. As long as its not 150kg! LOL! Hey, if she is light enough for me to give her a piggyback ride, then she's not fat.

[DragonGirl724]

youre welcome. & drop me a PM. post here also, your words can also help out another person struggling w/ the same issues.

 

take care,

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

hehehe, i agree! i actually have a history for going for 'bigger guys' lol. i call it the 250+ plan lol.

 

-DG724

[cleverme123]

I tell people I ain't a toothpick and won't ever be. I take care of myself, excercise and I am still overweight but you know what. I am happy with who I am, and if people have a problem with the way I look it's their problem not mine. I don't change for any one and I get plenty of attention. Not all guys are looking for skinny chicks, there are plenty that aren't my hubby, is a total opposite. He is 130, but he loves me the way I am at 230. And by the way, it isn't that I haven't tried to lose weight, because I have. I take steroids for asthma and it adds a lot of extra that is impossible to get off while taking the meds. So over eating is not the issue. You just take what your dealt and run with it.