Relationship Woes/ Women's Help Sought!

[LMJ]

I need some advice on my situation. I am currently in a relationship where for business reasons I have had to be away for two months and my GF will soon join me permanently here or I will go back to her town where we live together.

 

Since the beginning of our relationship we like to stay in touch. Always a good night, good morning if we are away from each other. Messages of affirmation and sweet things. Sometimes she will go out with friends and I am cool with it and she sends me pictures (which I never request) etc. We have had our ups and downs and I am (was?) actually ready to propose soon. And all indications are she is (was) waiting.

 

Last Saturday afternoon she told me was going home to sleep after work to take a nap and I texted her an hour later to make sure she was safe and to wish her a nice nap. Its common for us to do this for each other. I didn't get any response. I texted her at midnight to wish her good night since I was going to bed and didn't get a response. At 3AM I got a text that she was out for dinner and drinks with an ex colleague. In the beginning of our relationship I got stood up by her over something like this before. I recall being furious but we made amends after she apologized and characterized it as a misunderstanding. Anyway I forgot about that incident and haven't mentioned it. However, I found it odd that I was ignored when normally we text constantly. She has a bit of a health problem and my text to her on Sunday was she should not be drinking until 5AM as it wasn't in her best interests. I got a nasty text back a half our later that she was just out with ex colleagues (note plural now). My response was well I didn't mean to be precise but I felt you didn't put much effort into keeping in touch with me this weekend at least not as much as I did with you. Then suddenly, she went silent and has been most of the week until last night. So that is from Sat to Wed she went silent. Of course I was upset and didn't text her much either but did ask to speak or for her to respond. When I finally caught up with her by phone and asked her what was going on she screamed she's tired of her job tired of our relationship, that we had been together so long (in the context of me proposing). I asked her why no texts that night and she went into a rant about tired of reporting (actually she usually initiates most of the texting) and that I was trying to control her (when that was not the case). I asked her if she had been out with another guy and she screamed she was with friends (so it went from ex colleague to colleagues to friends). The responses and the behavior as far as I could tell over the phone were like what a spoiled child might do to a doting parent. What I mean is the child gets mad when the doting parent tries to discipline the child but the child acts very upset so the parent will back off. I told her this. We continued with the conversation were I told her about my plans for her. She knows this entails her moving and us getting married etc. The call ended politely but with tension. Then I texted her this morning with a nice good night. It was ignored. Later I followed with some comments about how I had a big meeting and I wish how we could resolve this so I could clear my head beforehand emphasizing it would benefit us both. It was read but ignored. I sent her another text later telling in a heartfelt way how I had always provided emotional comfort for her in her down moments but how she disappointed me by not patching. It was ignored.

 

What's going on with her? Did I do something wrong? I don't feel that I did. Did something happen Saturday that changed the course of things? What the heck is going on? I'd like to her a ladies perspective mostly but all are desired.

[j.man]

You were way out of line. Let her go out with friends if she wants to. Her dropping the "s" from "colleagues" the first time she text you about it means nothing. You made a huge deal out of it. You all but accused her of going out drinking with another. And after all that, you guilted her for not making amends for the **** you threw at her.

 

I'll be frank, dude. I wouldn't expect future correspondence aside from her telling you she's done. The fact you see nothing wrong with what you did suggests some time off might benefit you.

[SophieGrace]

my text to her on Sunday was she should not be drinking until 5AM as it wasn't in her best interests...

 

The responses and the behavior as far as I could tell over the phone were like what a spoiled child might do to a doting parent. What I mean is the child gets mad when the doting parent tries to discipline the child but the child acts very upset so the parent will back off. I told her this. We continued with the conversation were I told her about my plans for her.

 

This, to me, shows that YOU are the one acting like a controlling parent. You were trying to discipline her as well as trying to control her when she didn't conform- you implied you had the right to tell her how many texts she should send and when, who she goes out with and the noun she uses to describe them, when she gets home, how much she drinks and what is in her best interests. Then you tell her about your plans for her. To top off, it sounds like you feel justified in your behavior.

 

I agree with j.man. I would run the other way if my boyfriend acted like this.

[KingJinjo]

It sounds like you are doing alot of fishing and passive aggressive interrogating. I doubt you mean too or see it this way but it is controling. Controling by guilt. Her not texting you sucks and is out of the norm but it's her choice. It sounds like you are taking it a bit for granted.

Bringing in your future marriage plans and turmoil for a upcoming meeting comes accross as a guilt trip.

I'd suggest you really take an outside look at how she could be viewing your actions. Wether you mean to or not is irrelevant to if she feels guilted and controlled..

[mhowe]

Wow. Incredibly controlling behavior on your part, with a huge do,lop of passive aggressive behavior and a splash of guilt tripping. I don't think she has any intention of moving with you nor marrying you.

[LMJ]

Actually she's partially mad on getting married because it hasn't happened yet. I just wanted to make it perfect first. Your posts are very helpful. I'm not defending myself but she does have issues with resolving conflicts and she did stood me up before and meet another guy early in our relationship and had a history of ditching me to go partying. We got over that but I guess I had a flashback. She also uses the silent treatment a lot and that drives me insane. I'm not a bad guy seriously.

[mhowe]

So you are holding behavior over her head that happened years ago?

And she gives you the silent treatment?

 

Sounds like you will have a short and drama riddled marriage.