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[Freshprince3]

Hey there,

 

 

 

I won't get into the details of our break-up but we were going to different graduate schools three hours away and after planning to stay together, she decided the distance was too much. This was about two months ago. I didn't really get any finality or anything. In fact, I got you were the best boyfriend I've had, the best relationship I've had, and you'll either be my biggest regret or the one I end up with. Anyways, I handled things as best I could. After about a week of trying, I let her know how I felt and if she ever did want to work on things, that is what I wanted. I was and still am devastated. I don't know anyone in the state I'm in now, and she was the closest person geographically to me that I know as well. I think of her constantly, and feel that I've been regressing lately. We haven't spoken in about five weeks, but it didn't feel genuine with who I am. I felt that I handled it with a level of maturity I don't possess yet. I was scared of reaching out to hear something I shouldn't, but I don't want to live my life in fear anymore. I think there's something to be said for finding something out for yourself by trying too hard. If I always have the idea that I'm losing something so amazing and clinging to the little hope I have, it is impossible to get over. Lately, I have been going back to being obsessive and it has gotten in the way of school. I have no desire to really be too social, although I've made some friends lately.

 

So, I wrote her an e-mail saying pretty much everything I've wanted to say. I worked really hard on it. It's pretty sappy. I don't beg or anything, but I definitely let her know how important she is to me. I don't regret doing so. I'm not sure if she will or won't respond. I think it would work on the girl I thought I knew, but that girl wouldn't have broken up with me in the first place. Obviously, I have hope but I know the most likely outcome. I hope it changes my perspective from I lost something awesome to she's not who I thought she was, which seems to be a more helpful thought pattern. I think things will get worse before they get better. I'm going on Monday to get some anti-depressants. I honestly do not know how to deal with the depression. I feel no passion for anything anymore and have been pretty self-destructive. I don't know. Time really hasn't helped so far, so why should I expect things to change another month from now? a year from now? I feel overwhelmingly stuck and felt I needed to do something.

[TMifune]

Sounds like your life got flip-turned upside down! ;-)

 

It sucks, and really what she's doing is "leaving it up to fate" which my personal opinion is an abdication of responsibility. Thinks workout because we make choices that reinforce them working out. I've said it before, you can't "test" a relationship by dissolving that relationship. Basically you'll have a chance if she's single after grad school and wants to be in the same geographic area as you. I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

I hope you can focus on your studies and do an amazing job and set yourself up for an amazing career!