Greg1994 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 My ex girlfriend who's 18 and myself who is 21 were each other's first loves. We were together for 2 years. Spent almost everyday with eachother. We were eachothers best friend as well as lovers. I took her virginity which is something very special to her and the fact that I was the first guy to be intimate with her means a lot to me too. Unfortunately I became lazy, unmotivated and boring towards the end of the relationship. What broke us up was my porn addiction. She ended it with me in February of this year. For the following two months we weren't "together" in the sense of boyfriend girlfriend but we were still seeing each other sexually. Then in April, out of nowhere she got a new boyfriend. I was totally blind sided and heartbroken. She stopped talking to me and I hadn't heard from her since May 14th. Fast forward to last week. I went over her house to apologize to her father. I was very close to her parents and her family and felt I owed her father an apology for hurting his daughter. My addiction to porn took a big hit on her self esteem as a young woman. So I went to her dad face to face and told him that I was sorry for what I did to her and that if someday I have a daughter I don't want to see her hurt. He was surprised I actually came and apologized and wished me luck for the future. So 2 days ago I got a phone call from her cousins phone, and it was her on the other side of the line. We talked for 30 minutes. It felt so good to talk to her, As I still love her and haven't heard her voice in so long. She still has a boyfriend by the way, the same guy she started going out with 4 months ago. These are some of the things she talked about or how the convo went: - she told me she drives by my house often - she told me she thinks about me often - she asked if my mom hated her - she was interested in how I was doing In general, she sounded like she missed me. she sounded like she was hesitant to tell me how she truly felt deep inside and when I asked her what she was going to say, she took a deep breath and said "nothing". It sounded like she wanted to tell me something but held back. The convo ended abruptly because my phone was going to die but I told her id call her later. She said she would call me tomorrow but never called me back. I'm not upset about it though. I just don't know what to make of all this. I feel like maybe she's starting to realize how good of a guy I was to her and that her new guy doesn't really understand her emotionally like I do. Yea he's got the looks and the money but I know her better than anybody. When I mentioned in the phone call how her summer was going with him she quickly dismissed it and continued on about how I was doing. I don't want to make too much out of this convo but it does give me hope that maybe I can be with her again someday. I don't want to call her and bug her because she didn't call me back. How should I play this? What's your opinion on this? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 My opinion is that you leave her alone since she is now in a new relationship. Have you done anything about why you two broke up? Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 I have left her alone. I hadn't contacted her in 4 months. I know she's in a new relationship and I haven't interfered with it. I have quit using porn and I feel much better about myself. I just still love the girl. Again she's the one that contacted me. If she was fully over me or everything was going great why would she contact me in the first place or even say she thinks about me a lot and drives by my house often? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I have left her alone. I hadn't contacted her in 4 months. I know she's in a new relationship and I haven't interfered with it. I have quit using porn and I feel much better about myself. I just still love the girl. Again she's the one that contacted me. If she was fully over me or everything was going great why would she contact me in the first place or even say she thinks about me a lot and drives by my house often? She contacted you because you made contact with her father. That's like you breaking no contact in a round about way even though it wasn't your intention (I believe). You still are in love with her because you've not done anything to help yourself get over her. She may contact you again but do yourself a favor if she does. Don't stagnate yourself from moving on by becoming her friend while she stays with her new boyfriend. You will never get over her as long as she's still in your life. You WILL get over her in time but you have to accept that it's over first and resign yourself to the fact that it is. Sorry you're hurting. Do everything you can to stop your pain by getting on with your life as she has. Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Well the thing is earlier that day her dad called me just to thank me for coming over and saying the things I did. He also said that she thanks me as well and that was that. She then called me later in the day even though her father already told me she thanked me. I am moving on, but I do still love her regardless of everything. I know it's not healthy and all but this girl is my dream girl. I can't explain how beautiful she is in words. I don't want to just let her go, but in the mean time I will keep myself busy. I know everyone says to just move on but what kind of way to live life is that if you love somebody? It's easy to forget someone and move on, but it takes more of a person to follow what he loves and never give up. She may have quit on me, and we may not be together for a while but I won't give up hope. I know how she is and what she sounds like when she feels some type of way. It sounded like deep down she missed me but her ego got in the way. She didn't want to seem like she made a mistake Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 There's no way I would become her friend either. I have more respect for myself then that. I wouldn't sit around being her friend and she knows that. We can only ever be a couple. That's just the way it is. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 It's easy to forget someone and move on, but it takes more of a person to follow what he loves and never give up. I think you're wrong there but you'll figure that out on your own. Start by reflecting on hard it has been for you to forget her and move on. Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Clearly I know how hard it is to move on. I've been dumped by a girl I love. I know how hard it is. But as long as you aren't sick about it, or depressed, or having it consume you, why not have hope that maybe someday you'll be together? Too many people are willing to give up. If you TRULY love someone, yes you give them their time and space and you "move on" in a sense of on with your life and doing productive things. But you don't give up on the love you have for them. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Go NC let her know that its too hard for you to be there for her emotionally when she goes home to the other guy every night.You have to break the chain of communication in order for you to properly heal. Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 I've gone no contact this whole time. She broke it by calling me. I guess I should just continue going no contact. I thought this was a forum for getting back together? I know i should move on in the mean time but what I am asking is WHY would she call me and say the thing she said Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 She called you because you opened the door when you called her father. Perhaps her father said she should call you and clear the air so that you would be able to move on? Link to comment
Greg1994 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Ok I understand that. But WHY would she say she thinks about me often and drives by my house often? If she had the intention of just thanking me why would she say those things or even bother stringing along the convo. Maybe I'm not expressing how she spoke to me enough. Because to me if she really just wanted to say thank you she'd say it and that would be it. She wouldn't talk to me about thinking about me or that she drives by my house often Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I know I'm telling you things you don't want to hear but the reality is, the bottom line is: she is still with another guy. It doesn't matter what she said in your conversation pay attention to her actions. She said she would call you and she didn't. Either phone her and tell her that you want her back and see what she has to say or just get on with your life and don't stagnate yourself. I'll say good luck and bow out now. Link to comment
blanco Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I don't want to dismiss this based strictly on age, but you are 21 and she's 18. I know it doesn't hurt any less, but trust me, neither one of you knows what you want out of life, except for what you want RIGHT NOW. Link to comment
blanco Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Ok I understand that. But WHY would she say she thinks about me often and drives by my house often? If she had the intention of just thanking me why would she say those things or even bother stringing along the convo. Maybe I'm not expressing how she spoke to me enough. Because to me if she really just wanted to say thank you she'd say it and that would be it. She wouldn't talk to me about thinking about me or that she drives by my house often It's easy to read into an ex's actions or words. That's one of the reasons it's advised you go NC after a breakup. Otherwise, you will find yourself trying to decode things that would seem unimportant in virtually any other context. My ex has been making chit-chat with me lately. We broke up in January, she started dating a guy in March, and they are still together as far as I know. I went NC for nearly two months and have been virtually NC in the month since I ran into her at the end of those two months. She randomly texted me on Saturday night, and despite my brief responses, she kept the conversation going, asking mundane questions. Earlier today, she started texting me about music. I don't think she's texted me during the day since this new guy came into the picture. The point here is that based on very recent activity, I COULD read into what she's doing or why she's doing it. But the reality is probably that she's just trying to reach out as a friend and nothing more. You have to view your situation similarly. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I've gone no contact this whole time. She broke it by calling me. I guess I should just continue going no contact. I thought this was a forum for getting back together? I know i should move on in the mean time but what I am asking is WHY would she call me and say the thing she said Actually, she didn't break your No Contact. You broke No Contact by talking to her. No Contact is an individual thing, not a team thing. And she said what she said to unload some pent-up emotions. This isn't uncommon and it does not mean she wants to reconcile. If she does, she'll say it. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 She could possibly still have feelings for you but with her new relationship I guess it would be meaningless for her to express them at this point. Continue to focus on yourself, there's nothing wrong with having hope. You never know what the future may hold. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Hi Greg, Her new relationship is probably a "rebound" and won't last. If you continue to give her space and to behave respectfully to her you may be able to reconnect. I think she does still have feelings for you Do not give up hope . Link to comment
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