jack1234 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 I have been e-mailing with this guy online for about 2 months and we just had our first meeting Sunday. We met at a casual restaurant. Neither of us ordered anything...we just talked. When I first saw him, I felt instant attraction and chemistry. I was thinking throughout the whole date he must be feeling the same thing. His eyes were on me the whole time. We talked for four hours & the conversation was interesting. It didn't even feel like a date. It felt like I was with an old friend, just catching up.. completely natural and comfortable. He also kept mirroring me. Is this something men do naturally or on purpose? He also brought up future date ideas we could do together. We ended the date with a side hug and he pressed his cheek against my cheek. He said he would call me later. This was Sunday and I haven't heard from him. He did mention that he moves slow. I know he might be waiting to call...he may be busy..but I am anxiously waiting. I have NEVER had a date like this. I've never even been in an LTR (I'm 25) because I've never been into a guy this much. It is very unlike me to be into a guy this much after one date. I'm usually hoping the guy doesn't call. lol I'm just curious of what your opinion is on this date. I thought it was PERFECT! Every guy I have gone out with has always called me that night or the next day. I guess because I liked this guy so much the wait time seems so long and it is killing me & now I'm questioning his interest & maybe I just imagined it! What do you think? Should I call him? I really want to...it's been 5 days! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 hmmm... I would say to let him call you. Some guys like to wait 5-6 days after a date to call a girl so that they don't seem "too desperate." As you know, this annoys the heck out of us. It seems like you two had a really great time. But, you never know what's going on with him. He may have met someone else over the internet and he's also dating her. Perhaps he's been talking again with an ex. Who asked whom out for the first date? Since he knows how to get a hold of you, if he wants to hang out with you again, he'll contact you. I think if you call him, you may be "forcing" something that isn't meant to be. But, hopefully he'll call soon! And if not, NEXT! There's lots of other guys out there. Link to comment
DN Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 annies right - it's called "girl-time/boy-time. Just hang in there for a while, and he did say he moves slow Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 annies right - it's called "girl-time/boy-time. Just hang in there for a while, and he did say he moves slow he he ... yes, and men, remember, we HATE waiting 5-6 days for a phone call! By the time you call, we're a bit ticked off. Better to call 2 days later. Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 I asked him out just because he moves so darn slow & I didn't want to keep e-mailing him forever! He does work full time and is getting a graduate degree w/ night classes. He disclosed a lot of personal information to me when we met. I surely was not as open as him. I have to know someone for awhile before I open up. I'm hoping he didn't take this as disinterest. I really don't think he did, though. I felt we both had big, goofy smiles on throughout the whole date! I was upset for a little while, but I like this one too much! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Ok, well, since you asked him out, you should definitely let him call you. The ball's in his court now. From my online dating experiences, I've found that when a man is interested in meeting you, he will ask you out in the first 4-5 e-mails, if not, sooner. If he's long distance, he may take a few more e-mails to ask you out. If a guy keeps e-mailing you after that, then he's what I call a "timewaster." Some guys just like having their inboxes filled with tons of e-mails from girls. Some like having "penpals." Some have decided that they're not interested romantically in you, but they like having an online buddy that they can "bare their soul to." I figure that's what we're basically doing on Enotalone. Better to do it here than a dating site, anyways. Like I said, you don't know what's going on. He could easily be dating 6 other girls right now. If he's interested in you, he'll contact you. If he doesn't, then, there's your answer. Link to comment
DN Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Scenario: Him; "ok. I'll, call you" She thinks on her way home "he hasn't called yet. Oh, well maybe he'll call my home number. Who can I ask to be bridesmaids" She thinks at home "HMM, no message, what size wedding cake" Next day she thinks "No call, suppose he wants to live together for a while" Day after she thinks "Still no call -he must be with someone else, the two-timing @#@#$" Next day she thinks "No call, he ruined my life" Next day she thinks "OK, I'm over him, time to move on: Next day he thinks "Guess it's about time I call that cute girl. Gee, I hope I'm not calling to soon" Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 So, I'm out there in the big bad dating world. Guys say "I'll call you" after a good date, and after a bad date. The way you can tell how they feel about you is if they actually call. It may be a few days later than we'd like, but hopefully, the frequency of calls will increase as time goes on. Some guys have no intention of seeing you again, but they don't know how to tell you nicely, so they just say, "I'll call you" and then they don't. It just seems nicer than to say, "Have a nice life!" Regardless what happens with this one, keep dating other guys. Don't get all attached to this one. You don't really know him all that well. Good luck! Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 Thanks DN! Your post put me in a better mood! I have been talking to other guys...I had lunch with one today! I really do think he will call. We were already at are cars when he yelled it from his car, so he wasn't just saying it. This wasn't just a good date. Our eyes were locked like 95% of the time! I just hate waiting! Link to comment
savannahohsavannah Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 HE MIRRORED YOU! Watch body language! For a guy to mirror you on the first date can say many things. First, I'd watch him when he thinks he's not being observed and see if there was any contrivance in his body language? Is he the same or different? There are two ways to look at body language mirroring. Number one, someone who knows you are uncomfortable could do that to put you at ease. This is typically done by reporters and talk show hosts. Number two, it's the dating equivalent of saying everything a girl wants to hear. In other words it's bad news you are looking at. I know, I'm so negative, but there are so many players out there online! Wouldn't you rather be on a date with a guy who is going to be himself, so you can figure out whether you really like him for who he is or not? Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 So mirroring is a bad thing? Means he's a player? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Oh gosh, don't read into it too much. I actually think mirroring is a good sign, but Savannah is right also, it is something that talk show hosts do, so in that way, it's not good. So, I think the bottom line is, don't overanalyze. I do it too. It's a waste of brain space. You'll have your answer in a few days. Link to comment
Beec Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 I disagree with savannah about mirroring. It's usually not a bad thing. I alwaqys thought that if someone was mirroring me they were trying to become, I want to say sympathic without indicating sympathy, they want to feel like they are on the same wave-length. I always thought it meant they were interested, not that they were playing you. This might change if it were contrived and you were dealing with someone who could really control their body language, but very few are capable of that. Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 annie, you're right! in the meantime, i'll just find something else to occupy my mind... Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 funny, this guy actually told me he can't control his body language at all. his friends make fun of him for fidgeting all the time. he kept playing w/ a straw (when he wasn't mirroring) Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 DN...That was hilarious! LOL Link to comment
savannahohsavannah Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Jack....did you ask him? Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 yes, i asked him to meet up. i was actually supposed to return his call several weeks ago, but he didn't converse to well on the phone & always seemed nervous, so i was planning to move on. then, about two weeks later (last week), i decided i should just meet him cause he might be different in person than on the phone & he seemed like a really nice guy. i figured it wouldn't hurt to meet him. then we met up on Sunday. btw, he was a gentlemen in e-mail & in person. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 hi jack - keep us updated! Hope it works out! Link to comment
savannahohsavannah Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 No, I didn't mean ask him about the date, I meant ask him about his mirroring body language behaviors. It was NOT a good idea if you did. A woman has to keep some opinions/questions to herself and her pals, and let behaviors answer your questions, not lips that can lie. Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 no i didn't ask him about his mirroring. i found it kind of amusing, but was too wrapped up with the conversation so didn't feel the need to bring it up. i did tease him about his fidgeting though. he sill hasn't called..i think i might call him later today if i don't hear anything. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 no i didn't ask him about his mirroring. i found it kind of amusing, but was too wrapped up with the conversation so didn't feel the need to bring it up. i did tease him about his fidgeting though. he sill hasn't called..i think i might call him later today if i don't hear anything. hmmm.... I don't think calling him is a good idea if you're the one that asked him out. You'll come accross as desperate and needy. Remember, he has your number, he has your e-mail. If he's interested, he'll get a hold of you - even if he's the shy type. He hasn't forgotten about you - it was just last week. He knows it's "his turn" to call if he's into you. Link to comment
DN Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 mirroring is a technique used by psychologists to let the patient know that they have heard the response correctly and are in tune. This has slipped into laymans use. It is a valid conversational tool recommended by many relationship advisors for the same reasons the pros use it. In and of itself it is neither negative or positive. Like anything else what matters is how it used and for what purpose. In most cases, it is highly complimentary to your partner. Link to comment
jack1234 Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 thanks, annie. i know you're right & i've never called a guy before after a date cause i've never really been this interested in a guy. but i can see how if i inititiated the meeting & call him first that would make me look desperate. i just started to think that maybe i didn't contribute as much to the conversation as he did. i certainly was not as open as him. i'm an introvert so i don't always verbalize my thoughts. after talking to a couple of guy friends, they thought he could have thought i wasn't interested. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 hi jack - I think it's good that you weren't too open with him on the first date - it's dating, not therapy. who contacted who online first? Did you answer his ad, or did he answer yours? Link to comment
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