have i lost him??

[chocos]

I have been together with my bf for coming to 3 years now. This is both our first relationship. For the first 2 years of the relationship, we lived and met almost everyday in the hostel. envisioned our future together and beyond. Right now, he is still studying there while i have graduated and returned home. He would be due to come home by the end of the year... we are both of the same nationality but met each other there while pursuing our studies(ie: long distance relationship for 1 year) we had planned to try to travel to see one another at least half a year. I could not do so as my parents are rather strict with me.

 

About 2 months later after i met him over where he was, things have changed. These problems have always been lingering but took a turn for the worse when we are both in our first relationship and worse still long distance relationship. I took my insecurities out on him, and we argued a lot over the phone. I drove him away with nagging and he said he no longer enjoyed calling me and found it hard to confide in me. He was always busy with work and his activities, but i didn't understand why he couldn't even make the time to spend time talking on the phone to me. He could spend the whole afternoon watching tv and when he called me usually at night, would say that he needed to do his work as he didn't do so the whole day.

 

A couple weeks ago, we had an argument and out of anger I said we should break up. He was upset and said he was disappointed. He said he was confused if i was the one for him. he didn't seem to know anything he wanted. I called him to see if we could sort things out and he answered with a very distant voice like I was an aquaintance. This made me extremely depressed. I asked him if he still loved me and if he wanted to work things out and that things would be much better if we lived near each other again. He said he needed to think about it and told me to give him a time out for 2 weeks. I told him that i really wanted to work things out.

 

I tried everything I could think of to please him everytime. Tried to find enjoyment in his activities so that we could have something to share about and tried to find out what made him happy. And for him to want to do things for me was like a chore to him. Even in the beginning of our relationship. He has changed in some ways along the years and i really appreciated it. Now, he tells me that he finds it difficult to confide in me, as i usually become unreasonable due to my insecurities. Now he says that he does not see our future anymore.

 

Please tell me what to do.. i really miss him a lot during this time.. we have not spoken for 5 days. Another 9 days more before the 2 weeks is up. What does he really want? is it his way of saying goodbye?

Or is he just trying on a reverse psychology to make me do what he wants me to? Will he call after the 2 weeks as promised?

 

He called me the other day but did not say a single word. i could hear the country's news at the background, so i knew it was him. But i placed the phone down. I was scared to talk to him as the last time he said he wanted a time out and didn't want me to call, icq or to text message him. When i did so, he was irritated, agitated and just slammed down the phone on me or would just brush me off by saying i got work to do *slam phone* or just *go offline* or just *not reply the text messages*

 

But yet he told me that he loved me and cared for me and that if we were not meant for each other, he didn't want to waste my time as i was still young.

 

I do hope that he is still thinking of me.. he still called me "dear" the last time we icqed and still called me "dear" before the 5 days. Does he still love me? is there anything i can do to salvage the relationship. I really care and love alot for this guy and really want things to work out between us.

 

Is it that "absense makes the heart grow fonder?" or would it just be "out of sight is out of mind?"

 

Please advice. I really don't know what to do

[SwingFox]

Hi Chocos,

 

I am sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I understand that you still love your b/f and that you are afraid of breaking up with him.

 

The situation that you are in, looks like 'mindgames' to me. It's not fun to hear that someone wants to break up. To get even with you, he seems to hang up on you every time that you contact him. The same thing goes for him calling you and not saying a word. I am not much into that, since communication leads to a better understanding. It looks like you are miscommunicating right now.

 

You could go a few ways from here. You could wait out the nine days and then see what happens after that. You also could call him and tell him: ", I really really love you and we need to talk. Please make some time ... now or later, but I need to talk to you!". If you get him to talk, try to talk in terms of explanation and vary sweet words with your words of concern. Before you start to talk to him, though, analyze what went wrong, what your needs are in a relationship and what you expect out of a relationship with him. That will help you defining what needs to be worked on.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck and a bright future. I hope that everything will work out for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[chocos]

Will he still have feelings for me if this is left alone for 2 weeks?

 

I really don't know and am scared to lose him. I really want to know... All i do is to cry

[girlshurt]

Chocos,

I know this is a hard time for you, I to was in a long term relationship. I also loved that girl very much. She eventually broke up with me and I did nothing but cry and be miserable for a very long time. My advice to you is to act now let him know that you love him very much, work things out as best you can, the more effort and time you put into a relationship the more rewarding it will be when it works out. So don't be afraid to call him, you can do it. Don't be like me and do nothing you'll just end up being more miserable than if you tried.

[chocos]

I know that i should call him... but do you think i should just wait for the 2 weeks? should i just tell myself that it is over? Should i just continue to wait for him to accept me again? I really don't knoe... I just feel that my life is in a big mess

[chocos]

well, he has called. he promised to wait till he comes back, but he chose to listen to his friends who told him to get things over and be done with.

 

He broke up with me. And did not bother to explain anything, but to hide. I tried messaging him telling him how much he meant to me and that i missed him

 

Well well.. i guess, he is determined. and as usual, i can't let go.. till now, i am still clinging on. Well well....

 

Please help...

[chocos]

And another thing. He didn't tell me why he broke up with me because he felt guilty. Why? He was seeing someone else overseas. Well done!!

I really feel betrayed and disappointed