Being Lead on

[traz]

I met this girl a couple months ago, and I was quickly attracted to her. It seemed she was somewhat attracted to me, as she was really friendly and forward with me, even when we didn't know each other. I wanted to ask her out, but I soon found out that she had a boyfriend, but he lives in another province (Canadian state ) .

 

So I never asked her out. However, she knew that I liked her at the time. As time grew on though, we've become really good friends, and she's still very flirty with me. And even though she has a boyfriend, I can't help but feel like she's still attracted to me. She's naturally friendly, but definitely goes out of her way to be even moreso with me. She hangs outside my classes to see me and walk with me, and we always hang out and talk alone together after school. This wknd we were at a friends house watching movies and she was cuddling next to me on the couch etc.

 

Anyhow, the point is this. Even though I know she has a boyfriend, one who I think she really likes, I keep feeling like she might want something more with me. However, I think thats just my mind playing tricks. I believe I"m allowing myself to be lead on, even when I know that she probably is doing it innocently. So my question is...because of this, is it fair for me to try and avoid contact and be a little less flirty, or even say something to her? The problem is, she's so friendly that it makes me lead myself on, and that bothers me, because it's just teasing me...I want to be with her, but know I can't.

 

Sorry for my long ramble...if you can understand the point of this post then post any comments hehe.

[marolua]

Well I think you should first decide whether you like her or not. You might really like her , or you might be getting influenced because of her flirty manner.

If you decide that you like her anyway and want to be with her, then decide whether you can face any negative results. The problem with beginning a relationship with a friend is that you may lose your friendship if the relationship does not work. If you can take this possibility, than there are two ways that I can think of.

 

1. Directly talk to her, tell her that you are getting some signs from her that she might like her, but are not sure. This option needs courage really but can be better and more impressive if you can speak with the right words.

2. Have less contact with her, call her less, see her less, do not hang out with her, and wait whether she will ask you what is going on.

 

One last thing, once I had a boyfriend in another city, whom I really liked but could not see very often. I also had a friend from school, whom I really liked, but just wanted to be sure whether he would go out with me if I broke up with my long distance boyfriend. The boy from school did not ever understand what I was meaning to do, so we couldn't get together although we liked each other so much. I don't say that this girl might be thinking in a similar way, but honestly you can never guess what people(especially girls) havein mind without talking to them

Good Luck

[DN]

Avoid doing things that hurt you. So yes, the answer is to not hang around her so much. Tell her why and be honest. Say that you are attracted to her but you know she has a boyfriend and you respect that, but it is hard to be around her under those circumstances.

 

If she is a friend she will understand; if she wants more than friendship, she can extricate herself from b/f and see you. In either case, you have done the ethical thing, and either stopped being hurt or have a chance with her.

[traz]

I thought about it, and I think I"m going to have to go with trying to have less contact and see her less, and see what happens from there. I"m not doing it to play games with her, it's just starting to become too much of a slap in the face everytime I"m around her...I definitely do like her, and it sucks to be around someone you can't have.

 

Thanks for the replies...would love to hear more

[Lily04]

Yeah, I hate it when people play games with me, and I think that has turned me off flirting more than anything. There's been so many guys who have led me on and then I find out they haev a gf or something, and it hurts. I feel your pain. One guy in my class was somewhat flirting with me and then quickly mentioned 'his (low voice) girlfriend was majoring in psych...' and I was like 'your what?' (I speak without thinking sometimes..heh) and he blushed and was like 'girlfriend.' I quickly looked disinterested and was like 'oh that's cool. Yeah, psych can be difficult sometimes, I can completely relate...blah blah blah.' I made it look like I didn't care, but now just feel resentment towards him for leading me on.

 

Just a general message to guys: don't lead girls on. It's just rude and unnecessary. And girls too..I think your approach is great, I would just try to act uninterested in her, give it straight back to her.....

 

[edit] looks like i've completely dominated the board in replies as of late...heh. time to get to bed.