Same thing seems to keep happening.

[MSP2015]

Hi all, not sure where to post this, so if it´s in the wrong forum please feel free to move it.

 

Basically my situation is this: I´m a 21 year old male, and seem to have a recurring problem with girls that I´m sort of at a loss at how to get past. I had a very difficult time growing up, and have had a lot of problems with some of the women in my early life, in particular my mother who was always very distant and with whom nowadays I have a very strained relationship, so I´m fairly sure it´s a factor in what´s happening but there doesn´t seem a lot I can do on that front.

 

Through most of my teenage years I was quite overweight and did not take care of my appearance. I knew I had an interest in girls but due to low self confidence and a lot of trouble at home the possibility of a girlfriend did not really seem like an option.

 

Around the age of 17 something changed. I made a lot of great friends, became more confident, got slim, and to my surprise discoved that quite a lot of girls actually seemed interested and wanted to flirt with me. My fortunes improved somewhat, but the shyness and self doubt of my earlier years remained and as a consequence I was a virgin until this year.

 

I have since made a decision just to play around and not actively look for a proper "girlfriend", trying to get a bit more experience under my belt. Since my first "proper" time I´ve a couple more sexual experiences, but the problem is that the only time things seem to work out are when the girl is far more interested in me than I am in her, which has led to me making a couple of choices I really regret in hindsight, more because I could than because I wanted to.

 

Every time I meet a girl who seems obviously interested in me and I am just as attracted to her, the same thing always seems to happen: she suddenly seems to lose interest for no apparent reason that I can see, or we arrange a date and either she flakes out and never calls back or I go on the date and all her interest in me seems to have suddenly disappeared.

 

I´m guessing the problem has something to do with the fact that if I am meeting a girl I like I get extremely nervous and can´t think of anything else the whole day, with thoughts of her losing interest or just plain ignoring me at the front of my mind, and it always seems to turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. I´m conscious of trying not to appear desperate and am not the kind of guy who calls or texts girls 1000 times in 5 minutes, so I´m not sure what to put it down to other than "bad vibes". Due to the same thing seemingly repeating itself over and over again, I´m getting very disheartened and am not sure what I can do to change it.

 

I know I am still young and I have plenty of time to change things, so I am trying not to beat myself up about it too much, but every time I strike out and can´t seem to see any obvious reason why the negative thoughts get stronger and I find them really hard to control.

 

I know rejection is a part of life and if as sometimes happens I approach a girl and she is polite but obviously not that into me I just accept it and move along, but when a girl is very obviously flirting with me and suddenly her interest just drops like a stone it feels like I can´t win. The obvious answer might be to relax and focus on other parts of my life but without willing it I just find it playing on my mind far more than I want it to.

[SydneyGirl]

I don't understand what you're asking? You've made a decision to sleep around and don't want a relationship. Maybe these girls seem interested until they realise that? Most girls aren't interested in guys who just want to play around and get more experience under their belts.

[El0t]

It could be anything; either completely or not at all related to you and your interactions with these girls. If it really bugs you that much just ask them.

[winniethepooh]

Around the age of 17 something changed. I made a lot of great friends, became more confident, got slim, and to my surprise discoved that quite a lot of girls actually seemed interested and wanted to flirt with me.

Unbelievable! Bet you weren't expecting that.

 

Every time I meet a girl who seems obviously interested in me

Interested in you for what? To help you on your mission to "play around"?

 

she suddenly seems to lose interest for no apparent reason that I can see, or we arrange a date and either she flakes out and never calls back or I go on the date and all her interest in me seems to have suddenly disappeared.

That's what dating is like. Especially when girls think boys are just "playing around". Girls can play too. You're not the only one trying to play with them.

 

Due to the same thing seemingly repeating itself over and over again, I´m getting very disheartened and am not sure what I can do to change it.

Nothing. That's the world you've chosen to live in. Accept it as the way it is, or choose to live in a different world ... one where girls and boys are more serious about relationships. Even then there will still be lots of lost interest, flaking, etc. Read the thousands of stories here for examples.

 

Or don't make it so obvious you're being a player. But that's a different world again, and might not be one you want to be a part of.

 

The obvious answer might be to relax and focus on other parts of my life but without willing it I just find it playing on my mind far more than I want it to.

And that's the winning conclusion. The more you focus on other parts of your life and do things, the less you'll find flaking girls playing on your mind.