I'm crying, don't know who am I crying for!!!

[neewollah]

Dear reader: grab a cup of cofee or tea, this is a long story. Let me join you with a box of tissues...

 

I just broke up a 3 year relationship. I can tell that I was never really happy with that relationship, I was always looking for a way out, but as soon as we broke up, I made my best to get back...

 

And that was for 3 years, breaking up and getting back like once every two months...

 

Last fight was about something really stupid, but she got mad, picked up the rest of her stuff and left (we were at my home, and she had picked up most of her stuff one month earlier, on another "break up").

 

Well, that last month had been very bad for me. I had not been able to get into the relationship.

 

It just didn't felt right anymore!

 

And how much and many times I had tried to get out of it before, that was the first thought that came to my mind.

 

 

Couple days later she contacted me (MSN messenger), asked me for dinner, declined the offer, and as she wouldnt let it go, broke up with her over messenger (I know... not proud of that)

 

 

 

More background history...

 

 

Before this 3 year relationship I dated another girl, Sara. I was deeply inlove with her. Obviously she didnt' felt the same way for me, or thinking that makes it easier to bear the pain.

 

And that story goes even further back, 4 years ago, when I met Sara. Love at first sight. Dated for two months, I asked her to be my GF, and she said no...

 

A year later she called. And God, those were two heavenly, beautifull happy months. We were dating, but I AM SO STUPID!!!

 

She kept asking those questions "are you sure we are only friends?", "would you marry me". Obviously I always said "Yes, we are only friends", "no, I would not marry you"...

 

She started dating another guy, and he wasnt as dumb as I was, so guess who got the girl...

 

Like 4 months later I dated Gina, and eventually she became my GF. I had my doubts at the beginning. Then I "fell in love" for a couple of months. However, the relationship went really fine for like a year. Second year was a little bit "slower" and the third was definitely downhill.

 

Note: Sara called me once, one year after the whole mess. She wanted to talk to me, I just told her "I'll call you later", and never did. How could I be so stupid? Even back then I knew I would regret it later...

 

Lots of things changed, we both changed, she was on college for an IT major, now she is on fashion design (computers, fashion = 100% oposites), I'm on the IT field, work as a tech support engineer for the leader network equipment manufacturer.

 

We started having fights related to our activities. For example, now she almost hates computers and thinks of everyone that works with a computer, or plays a videogame as a "geek" and she is a geek hater. So when I went and bought an XBox, WWIII was started...

 

 

 

Anyway, have you figred out where I'm trying to get dear reader?

 

 

Yes, I always thought about Sara. I can't even remember her face anymore, but I still think of her.

 

 

 

But the loneliness is taking its toll. Even though I'm convinced that I should let Gina go, so she can go on and find someone that truly loves her, I'm not sure of my feelings...

 

I'm getting confused...

 

 

And dear reader, I've gotten lost before.

 

 

I'm crying, thinking about Sara, also Gina is on my mind. Don't know if I'm crying because of Sara, or because I miss Gina.

 

Don't know if I should get back to Gina, what if I'm losing the best girl I'm going to met?

 

 

 

The fact that I still think of Sara makes me think that I never loved Gina as much as I did with Sara. That makes me think that getting back with Gina would be plain stupid...

 

But don't think I'll ever met someone else...

 

Or maybe I trully miss her???

 

Maybe I really loved Gina???

 

Is the overwhelming power of loneliness messing with my mind???

 

And I don't even know what happened to Sara...

 

Maybe she died, or is happily married...

[hazlcha]

Going to be VERY direct here.

 

1. Forget Gina. In a few days or weeks, you'll be glad. A relationship where you're always breaking up is a BAD one.

 

2. Find Sara. ASK HER OUT. That takes guts, but you have much more to lose if you don't. Be confident, strong, and available to her. Let her talk. But go slow, and go steady. If she shows heightened interest, respond. Don't be afraid of being affectionate, because once you have established a relationship, you should be feeling and expressing affection. And that grows to love. And that grows to a lifetime. A relationship that stands still will fall apart. You've got to be ready to go there, to get out of the safe zone.

[neewollah]

Oh man...

 

I've tried, God knows it...

 

 

I've gone to where she used to live everyday this week, hoping to run into her...

 

 

But last time I talked to her, she told me he was moving to another state...

 

 

 

And I miss her, with all my heart. But what will happen if she is married to that guy? Or married to another guy?

 

Should I try to trace someone of her family to try to find out where she lives?

 

 

God knows that if a girl came looking for me after 3 years I would think she is a psycho and is stalking me. I bet she would freak out.

[Caldus]

Is the overwhelming power of loneliness messing with my mind???

 

I think that's what it is. You are single again and you feel very lonely. So let yourself heal for a while first before going out and dating new people. I'm going to be honest with you. I have a friend that was (and still is actually) madly in love with some girl. They both dated for a while but she ended up going out with someone else. I can't believe how obsessed he was with her. He kept talking about how he thought she was the only girl that he would ever want, etc. And here he is a couple of months later dating someone new. He thought that girl was all he ever wanted too. Wait, he just said that with the last girl! See where I'm getting at here? There really is someone better out there for you. Someone better than both Gina and Sara. You won't find her though unless you let yourself heal and forget about these two for a while. Let me know if this helps.

[cooldude1234]

But what will happen if she is married to that guy? Or married to another guy?

 

if she's married, she's married. Sorry, but there wouldn't really be anything you could do in that case.

 

Find her, but I wouldn't 'TRACK HER DOWN.' That could come off as obsessive, definitely how you don't want to seem.

 

Goodluck!

[neewollah]

Tried to call her to the phone number I had. Well, it is not in service. Maybe they got a new nubmer, or didnt' paid the bill.

 

 

 

Guess I'll have to go to her house and knock the door...

 

And fidn out if she still lives there?

 

Would that be apropiate?

[hazlcha]

Why don't you Google her? Think of a good reason for making contact, and say hi. Catching up with an old friend is cool ... I've done that with a past interest, and found out that I don't love her any more. It freed me to move on. Same coud happen to you, or the opposite.

 

But the other posters are spot on when they say not to become obsessed.

[neewollah]

I've tried, but living in Mexico makes it useless. Also she is not very computer literate, back when we dated she didn't even knew how to get a hotmail account...

 

But I've tried, and I've never found her over the net.

 

 

My aunt and one of her aunts are members of the same "energy healing" group crap, thats how we met. I know where to find her aunt, or at least, how to contact her aunt.

[hazlcha]

Then do that, and be normal about it. Don't make it bigger than it is, you're just looking up an old friend and getting together.