Guys say that I am TOO MUCH for them

[marolua]

For the last two years, I have been single. Up until then I always had on e or more men in my life. Well my last relationship has made me so unhappy that I decided I needed some time to recover. The problem is, in two years everything has changed. I can not meet a nice man as much as I could before. My self-esteem is going down and down.The reason is whenever I date with someone or like someone I am always rejected. I don't know why, but it seems that I am choosing man who I think I can handle, and those guys say that I am too much for them. I am rather too beatiful, or too smart, or too career oriented or something else..

 

Rejection has become the main motif in my life. I feel sick, I lost trust in myself, I lost trust in love, I have began to pity myself, I even think that my 'past' is doing all these things to me. I know that if I can not change this fear of being broken or being rejected I never can enter into a real relationship, but I do not how. Help??

ps: I am not sure, but 5 years ago my boyfriend committed suicide, that might be the reason that I have lost faith in the sustainability of a relationship, or not I don't know... [/b]

[zab]

yo u sound perfect u should get with me na listen, ur not 2 much for them, they just aint enough for u, think about it like that

 

dont stress just b the best

 

Zab

[Mysterious Gurl]

Yeah I agree with the above poster (exept for the dating me part)

I have all this to come , rejection, losing faith, messy break ups, Heck I haven't had a relationship with anyone yet ... I can't seem to put myself in dating shoes.

 

Weird most of my friends are boys yet I cannot comitt, I have two girlfriends (I'm straight but you know what I mean)

 

when I think of someone asking me out I feel weird ....

 

Just remember though, your perfect the way you are and one man will be lucky enough to see that!

Hope I helped

Miya

[Alabama]

Don't let your rejections in the past get you down. Your you and shouldn't worry about those guys who rejected you. Your stronger than this, I'm sure of it. Good luck!

[Mun]

Hi there,

Dating is about having fun and finding out what kind of things you like in a man. I wonder if maybe you have just come on too strong ( as in making it very clear you want a relationship) too early on in the relationship when you should just enjoy yourself and enjoy the attention. Are you anxious on dates? Very picky?

[Mysterious Gurl]

I agree with muneca. Dating is about having fun and meeting new people and sharing interests in different things.

I hope things work out the way you want them too!

Miya

[ComputerGuy]

Dont feel too bad...I've had that my whole life, It was always "You're a great guy but..." followed by some excuse. It hurts, but like everything, you deal with it. Dont let it get you down, my advice is to just do your own thing and when you least expect someone will walk into your life.

[strippyshirtman]

Hi there,

Dating is about having fun and finding out what kind of things you like in a man. I wonder if maybe you have just come on too strong ( as in making it very clear you want a relationship) too early on in the relationship when you should just enjoy yourself and enjoy the attention. Are you anxious on dates? Very picky?

 

wow! that made me think, what is the difference between "dating" and "being in a relationship"? i always felt they were synomonous: if you are dating then you are in a relationship. (maybe it's a cultural understanding). i would be interested to get perspectives

 

following on from that, when do you consider the time to express the desire to "begin a relationship"?

[RayKay]

wow! that made me think, what is the difference between "dating" and "being in a relationship"? i always felt they were synomonous: if you are dating then you are in a relationship. (maybe it's a cultural understanding). i would be interested to get perspectives

 

following on from that, when do you consider the time to express the desire to "begin a relationship"?

 

Everyone has different opinions on this. I think when you are younger it is more common that dating (as in the first date!) automatically means a relationship. Then they are committed to one another before ever really knowing one another, and explains why often relationships are short, or the people find out they are not all that compatible, or one person does not know what it takes to make a relationship work, etc. We get caught up in the lust, and forget some of the practicalities involved.

 

As you get older, people date more, they go on a few dates to get to know the person, before committing to an actual relationship. Some people will date a few people, some a couple, some only one at a time to give it a fair chance. This to me makes sense - you can't truly know if you want a relationship with someone unless you do have that chance. You can "want one" I guess, maybe I was not accurate there, but you cannot determine who this person really is, thereforeeee if you want more with them, until you get to know them a bit more.

 

Dating allows you to meet people without that immediate pressure of being in a relationship right off the bat. When I go on a date with someone for the first couple times, I want it to be a date, no strings attached. I feel more comfortable that way, and it gives me some time to figure out who that person really is and to make sure you are attracted to them for reasons other than lust, and that their personalities, ways of approaching things, are compatible with yours. To ensure the communication is healthy from both sides. As well as to see what values and goals you share in common. It sucks to get too involved and find out that you just can't be together as you are too different, or something like that! Dating allows you to figure out not only the other person(s) but whom YOU are too.

 

As for the time as to when to express you want a relationship - that goes on a case by case basis. In my current relationship we decided to date "exclusively" within a couple weeks after 5-6 dates. We became a couple one month in (I think both of us knew early on we wanted to be together, but having been jaded in the past, were just cautious!). But it depends on the pace and the couple dynamic you are experiencing. I think a month or two is acceptable to talk a bit more about where you want this to go, or rather where you think it could be going - but again that will vary from person to person! I mean, a couple weeks after my bf and I became a couple we started talking about moving in together (he brought it up initially) and before we were together 3 months we were living together. That has NEVER happened to me before with another guy that we both wanted that at the same time and so early on...but things are just "right" in this case, he is right, we are right, so for us the pace is perfect.

[Ceema-k]

You only have a "loser's limp" if you think you have it. Everyone's been in a dry spell before. Just take a few minutes to browse the other forums and you'll find that you're in good company. Some people have had dry spells that span a lifetime... people who have no other idea what being in a relationship is like.

 

That said, everyone's got their own exeriences and I don't say the above to make light of your own frustrations with dating.

 

The best way is to just learn to like yourself again and get your confidence up. Just don't use dating or relationships as your confidence booster, because the boost can be a short-lived thing. Good luck!

[fantasia2004]

dating can be scary too you know.......