tacocat Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 My ex and I broke up due to his awful lies and infidelity. Basically he just hurt me... I left on good terms by telling him i forgive him and wish him the best. There is no point in holding onto negativity is my belief. I'm still in love with him i can't turn my feelings off. So i decided to implement the No contact rule. I did that Monday today is Wednesday and he messaged me this morning saying "I'm sorry i ruined us" like a dope i wrote back saying "it's OK" and he replied "no its not" and I responded "i told you i forgive you" ... now i feel dumb. That was this morning and i haven't heard anything from him since.. now I'm itching to message him or call him.. what do i do? I'm struggling. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Nothing has changed since Monday. Stop contact. Put down the phone and go out until the feeling passes. Link to comment
tacocat Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Nothing has changed since Monday. Stop contact. Put down the phone and go out until the feeling passes. I was enjoying the silence and than he pops back up. it's so hard.. I want him back but I don't at the same time. I read no contact works. I'm just scared. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 No contact does not "work". It gives you space to find your own emotional center and not respond to meaningless contact. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 the pain of what we call love is a physiological connection with another in person on a chemical genetic level.the purpose is to form a pair bond for obvious reasons it takes months to get over this connection but as you see as you go through life it can be formed with countless numbers of people and is not actually the person itself that we're in love with That is pure malarkey. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Saying it again: "If it hurts it isn't love". Love does not imply pain. Infatuation and silliness for sure will involve pain. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 He probably wasn't expecting that kind of reply from you. Maybe he was expecting more of a "It's ok, I miss you" response lol. You did the right thing, stay strong and keep moving forward. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 My ex and I broke up due to his awful lies and infidelity. Basically he just hurt me... I left on good terms by telling him i forgive him and wish him the best. There is no point in holding onto negativity is my belief. I'm still in love with him i can't turn my feelings off. So i decided to implement the No contact rule. I did that Monday today is Wednesday and he messaged me this morning saying "I'm sorry i ruined us" like a dope i wrote back saying "it's OK" and he replied "no its not" and I responded "i told you i forgive you" ... now i feel dumb. That was this morning and i haven't heard anything from him since.. now I'm itching to message him or call him.. what do i do? I'm struggling. He's right! It's not OK. He recognizes that he doesn't deserve your attention- he doesn't respect you, if he did, he would have left you alone - but you are showing him you do not respect yourself. You have entered doormat territory!! Are you ready to go back to the lying and cheating because that's what your behavior is showing him. You should have blocked this guy, as he is bad news. And you most certainly should not have responded! Clearly, you have shown him you don't value yourself, and I can guarantee that he will cheat on you again, if you take him back. Do your family and friends agree with taking this creep back? Time to love yourself! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 This thread was started by Botnrun. I thought it was excellent and applied to your situation. " "I'd rather die than be single" WHO is teaching this to young people? Particularly young girls? It's disturbing how many posts I see where a young woman is being lied to, cheated on, being abused or being treated horribly in some other way by her boyfriend, yet she says she won't break up because "then I'd be single, and I'd rather die than be single". I can't fathom basing my worth on whether or not some man chooses to spend time with me. I know I'm a pretty neat person. I've been told I am. I have a great job, a wonderful family, terrific adult children, friends, I live somewhere pretty nice, I'm smart, funny, fun to be around, I have interests...so there's not a man on the planet who can do anything to convince me that I'm not worthy of being alive. Then again, I'm "of a certain age" and I have some perspective. I'd really like to know who is teaching these young people that being single is the worst possible thing that can happen, and that they're not worth a darn unless they have someone they can call "boyfriend". I sure as heck will NOT teach my young nieces that, and I made sure to let my daughter know she can CHOOSE to have a boyfriend, or choose not to...entirely up to her. She's pretty terrific, she does date but is so busy doing fun stuff and working and getting educated that she doesn't feel down if she doesn't happen to have a date some night. And my son is the same...college degree, good job, great friends and lots of activities. He hasn't had a girlfriend since high school but he sure doesn't let it slow him down. Neither of them are hiding in their rooms or staying in bed under the covers all day because they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. This has got to stop...we have to stop teaching our young people that whatever they accomplish is meaningless unless they have a boyfriend or girlfriend!" Link to comment
tacocat Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 He's right! It's not OK. He recognizes that he doesn't deserve your attention- he doesn't respect you, if he did, he would have left you alone - but you are showing him you do not respect yourself. You have entered doormat territory!! Are you ready to go back to the lying and cheating because that's what your behavior is showing him. You should have blocked this guy, as he is bad news. And you most certainly should not have responded! Clearly, you have shown him you don't value yourself, and I can guarantee that he will cheat on you again, if you take him back. Do your family and friends agree with taking this creep back? Time to love yourself! I 100% love myself it's not a question about that. My problem is i loved him and trying to turn off those feelings is way harder than I anticipated. What he did is definitely disrespectful with out a doubt. However I know my sudden disappearance from him is a shock to his system as well.. so he's going through the same feelings I am. I'm not sitting here crying over him I'm just looking for some good wake me up advice to kill the temptation that is him. Thanks though. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 He cheated on you! This is all you need to know. This is going to to be painful, but by staying in contact, you simply prolong the pain. Link to comment
tacocat Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I agree with you. unfortunately I fell off and broke NC by replying and yesterday it really hurt. Today however I feel less consumed by him and actually feel really good and have no impulse to contact him. I know if I do have contact with him it will reopen everything I am trying to close. so all I can do is focus on one day at a time, right? Link to comment
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