No luck for too long

[gentleman]

It might be worth reading this other recent post of mine first:

link removed

 

Basically I've been single for about 18 months and it's getting me down. All my friends keep saying they can't understand why I've not had much luck, as I've got a lot going for me. I guess it's because I always seem to meet people who already have a boyfriend or who are married, people who are on vacation who I won't see again, people who have just finished a long relationship are who aren't ready for another so soon, or people who would have been interested in me but who are soon to be relocating to another country!

 

I spend a lot of my time each day travelling to and from work and I often see the same people around. Because of the large portion of time I spend commuting, I often end up becoming interested in people I see each day. I used to be shy, but over the last year I have really tried to be more extrovert and I can now start conversations quite easily, with all kinds of people, but of course in this case I'm pointing out that I often talk to new women whilst waiting for the train, for example, or someone at the grocery store or whatever.

 

But... quite often I never see the person again for a week or more, and it's really frustrating. The next time I see them and speak to them, they've either forgotten that they'd spoken to me before, or when I get talking to them again and we're talking about out week and what's new, they mention a new boyfriend or something like that. And it's not like I can really give someone my number or ask for their number the 1st time I ever talk to them on the platform or in a shop or whatever. And even if I do regularly (2, 3 times per week) speak to someone I like, it never seems to go anywhere, even if I directly ask someone if they'd like to grab a coffee or a drink sometime.

 

So this leads back to my other post:

link removed

 

Sure, this girl is someone I notice every day, but quite often she is sat next to someone else (not someone she knows, I just mean someone who took the seat first) or in a rush or whatever. Sure, one time I could be sat next to her and I could start a conversation, but I might not see her again or be able to talk to her again for a few days or weeks depending on the obvious circumstances. So because I've got nothing to lose, I don't know her other than by sight and because I can't exactly just walk up to her and ask her out, I thought somehow getting a valentine's card to her could at least let her know someone is interested in her, and she might even call me if I leave my number. I know she's not got a boyfriend or husband because I heard her talking to a friend one day, about all stuff like that.

[TheUnknown123]

Waiting for Valentine's Day is alittle to long bro. What is that girl is HOT, and there are other guys trying to have her to?? You gotta work hard for what you want. You need to talk to her...and after you get off the bus/train or whatever. Just be like, "I enjoy talking to you, you think we can talk on the phone sometime?" With that being said, the ball will be in her court.

[mermayd]

I think you should keep up what you are doing. My suggestion was to ask the person to grab coffee sometime after you have talked. I wouldnt give this girl a card if you have never spoken with her. It may scare her. I would approach her and introduce yourself as you have with others and maybe slip in that you have seen her before and always wanted to start a conversation. Then suggest that maybe you could grab some coffee on another day. Everyone gets into a slump and you are doing all the right things as far as I can see. Just keep it up and be patient.

[gentleman]

Very good advice Mermayd, thanks. You've reassured me that I'm not trying the wrong things, to get to meet new people.

 

I guess I just don't want history to repeat itself, as I talked to someone else a few months ago, during the commute from work, but by the time I had asked her if she'd like to go for coffee sometime (I don't think I should ask that the very 1st time I spoke to someone), she had met someone else.

 

That's one of the ironic, difficult things about meeting someone in "normal life" and not at a club or bar. A lot of guys will go to a club or bar and end up with a girl. Sure, it may be based only on physical looks to start with, but it's more direct than taking time getting to talk to someone more and more, before asking them out for coffee or whatever.

 

So do you reckon if I get talking to her this week, I could ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee as we're parting our separate ways, even though it would be the 1st time I've ever spoken to her? She may not be easy to talk to if lots of other people are on the train though. I never like to feel like I've got an "audience" if I'm talking to a woman I like.

 

 

Why is life so complicated?

[gentleman]

I forgot to say that once I got talking to someone for a long time, asked her if she'd like to go for coffee, and she did. We went for coffee right there and then, and then 2 days later we went to a restaurant, then we did the same a few days after that, so I saw her 3 times after 1st meeting her. I told her I liked her and she said she was only interested in friendship, so if I wanted more, she would rather we didn't see each other again.

 

I know everyone is different, but often it's hard to show someone you're more than just a nice guy/good company.

 

Seeing as people often send anonymous cards on V day, why do you think a light-hearted card might scare her, is it because she won't know who it's from (a common thing on V day) or because I might have written something heavy, which is wrong if I don't know her? Wello I was just going to say something very light, with my number at the bottom.

 

Sorry for making such a deal of this. I don't know a lot of people I could talk to about this kind of stuff, so I really apprciate your opinions on enotalone. Hope you're having a good weekend.

[heloladies21]

You wait too long dude. There's nothing wrong with asking a chick for her phone number the first time you meet them or even setting up the first date on the spot.