I'm so bad at coming up with things to say ... (online dating)

[sonicfan287]

Hi again,

 

I'd just like to thank everyone for their time who has responded to this message in some form or fashion. I especially enjoyed reading Grace's response. I 'lol'ed a bit at your 'scenarios' and it was nice to see a female thought process spelled out, and I'd have to say, if anything i'd fall into either 3 or 6 in your list, Grace. I don't blow anyone away on physical appearance alone ; I know that. I'm not the greatest but not the worst and even with the right profile pictures, I don't see that changing significantly, but I can certainly put on my best presentation if need be.

 

That said, that's why my inability to craft clever messages puts me at such a disadvantage. Some have mentioned being persuaded just by a simple "Hi my name is ..." type message but only if the guy is attractive or has something else going for him. I don't think I could pass just on that (in fact, the numbers back me up, because those kinds of message almost never get a response in my experience), but I also think there is truth to "less is more" and being intelligent (without trying to show off) and not overthinking things.

 

I guess, I kind of just took everyone's messages from accross the board and combined them, but that's kind of who I process this type of information. I'll continue doing what I'm doing for now (minus the overthinking) and just hope for the best. That's pretty much what it is. I sometimes think I can use some kind of 'cheat code' or magical message that will at least get my foot in the door more often but I realize why that's such a flawed idea, so like anything else, I guess practice makes perfect

[Ms Darcy]

Sonic - in my opinion, if your pics and profile aren't enough to make a woman interested, a "clever" message isn't going to make a difference.

 

Why not focus on people in real life? I know some guys who are more attractive in real life once you get to know them.

[sonicfan287]

I guess that's part of my problem too, Darcy. I'm not really 'focused' per se on either thing. Dating used to be something I put towards the forefront of my priorities, just below my career. Now, it's probably 4th or 5th behind some other things. On one hand, I'd like to date but it's not the "end all be all" and that's part of why my efforts are usually not met with much success.

 

I'm half interested in online dating, half interested in meeting someone in person, so I think 'focus' is definitely key no matter which route I want to go. If I wasn't so danged shy in dating situations, in person would be great since I'm pretty good at making friends (just not good at taking it to the 'next level')

[Ms Darcy]

There is a happy medium between half interested and viewing dating as the end all be all.

 

No matter what, you will need the skills to take things to the "next level" with women you meet online as well. Because in the end, it all goes to real life.

[sonicfan287]

When it comes to online dating...the very first thing you need to fix is your profile! Put your best picture, write your best description, and blah blah blah.

 

When it's all about messaging her, be fun, unique, & intriguing! It's better to message her about her profile description than her picture! Let's say in the description she writes, "I love sushi!" Message her by telling, "Have you ever eaten Sturgeon caviar sushi?"

 

Btw, I'm a professional Dating coach, just send me message if you want to know more...

 

Thank you Holly (and Darcy of course, your support is always wonderful =D )

 

A professional dating coach? That's awesome (although must get time consuming with all the people who come to you for advice). I guess, much like the message sending, I struggle with what is a "good" profile? How do I improve it? I don't deny it needs improving, but from a woman's point of view, what makes it a better profile than something else, yknow?

 

Maybe I'm just not that picky but I don't read too many profiles that make me turn away (my only real turn off is the 'angry' profiles that makes me feel like a creep just for reading them). I'll admit, there are some profiles that are better than others, but I can't really put into words what made that profile "catchy" or better to read.

 

I've heard before the tip about messaging concerning the profile details and that's something I try to incorporate into nearly every message I send. Some profiles are purposefully not informative (they'll be nearly blank and say 'hey, get to know me!' or something like that) and I'm left with even more of a dead end. I don't struggle nearly this much with socializing when I know it's just friends (like with coworkers or any woman I know has a boyfriend or is out of my age range) but when I consider it a date (or even partially one) I freeze up and turn into someone boring (albeit polite and boring, but still boring)