Woman soul Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I recently got back together with my ex... Things are still rocky but we are Working on it... I'm trying my best to be less controlling... But I always explain to him that with everything that went on I have trust issues... No he didn't cheat but he made me feel less of a woman... During our break up he took this girl on a "friend date" out to eat... And then out to the movies then to the mall and out to eat again... I have met this girl before... And even though I don't know her as a close person I feel like there is something that is wrong here... She deleted me off of Facebook? For what reason? If they were just friends then she was showing my boyfriends 6year old little sister pictures of me? What for? She got mad because my boyfriend doesn't answer her calls or replys back... Let alone me mention that my boyfriend put her on his phone line account while we were broken up... I feel like I respected my self enough during our break up and he made it seem to me like he did all these things with this girl and it's still safe to call her just a friend? I did tell him that I don't want them talking.... And even if people might find that selfish... I'm sorry but I myself wouldn't like my boyfriend out with this girl while we are in a relationship... I wouldn't do that to him he shouldn't do it to me... The advice I want is how to build up my trust with him... Because i know that not everything is broken and this is still reparable if I try to... They soon have to see each other so he can take her off the ph Be plan and I know there is good man be conversation of me... He has lied to me before just to not get me mad.... But I rather know the truth... I'm hoping I can get some guidence into how I can rebuilt my trust in him once again Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 He didn't "make you feel" less of a woman. That is your insecurity. You were broken up. He was allowed to take women on dates. Why did she delete you? Because she doesn't want you stalking her most likely. What he did with her while you were broken up is not your concern. You can't tell him who he can and can't talk to. Nothing has changed since you broke up. I really think you guys just are not compatible. Link to comment
rhw Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 How long was your break? I don't know about you or anyone else, but I wouldn't put just a "friend" on my phone plan... I don't think you are getting the full story there. I would say he doesn't owe you any explanations of what he did on your break, HOWEVER, this girl is still around... so I think you have every right to ask questions about what's going on NOW. I wouldn't want my man talking to a chick he was seeing while we were on a break .... and I don't think it's an unreasonable request that you ask him to stop. That's just me. Link to comment
j.man Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So why exactly do you need to build trust with him again? And how long was the breakup? What he did with other women during your break up really is none of your business. He didn't "respect himself" any less than you did nor did he disrespect you simply because he treated the break up like a break up and did things with another woman. It looks to me like your efforts to be less controlling aren't quite paying off yet. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 He didn't "make you feel" less of a woman. That is your insecurity. You were broken up. He was allowed to take women on dates. Why did she delete you? Because she doesn't want you stalking her most likely. What he did with her while you were broken up is not your concern. You can't tell him who he can and can't talk to. Nothing has changed since you broke up. I really think you guys just are not compatible. ^^^This. Sorry, I agree with MHowe. You were broken up because of serious conflicts and went back because it was the easy and familiar. However, the conflicts still remain. Link to comment
rhw Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I agree the conflicts still remain, but things can't change if he is still chatting it up with the girl he was seeing when they were on a break. That should have been cut off when he decided to get back with his GF. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I agree the conflicts still remain, but things can't change if he is still chatting it up with the girl he was seeing when they were on a break. That should have been cut off when he decided to get back with his GF. They were only broken up for 3-4 months and her pain and dependency caused her to push for a reconcilation. It looks like he only grudgingly went back with her and yes, he likes the companionship of this other girl. The incompatiability conflicts are making him keep a backup because deep inside, he knows this relationship is not right for him. This is just bad news all the way around. The OP needs to examine her reasons for wanting to return to this BF. Nothing got fixed during the break and in fact, it got worse because he had a taste of freedom and loved it. Link to comment
rhw Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I do agree with you, but in the same breath, we all make choices and he made the choice to get back with her... knowing her insecurities and need to control. The taste he got obviously wasn't enough to keep him away. Whether she pressured him or not. To the OP, maybe you need to decide if this relationship inside and out is worth pursuing. It sounds very messy and your break did not seem to repair anything. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 ..he made it seem to me like he did all these things with this girl and it's still safe to call her just a friend? I'm confused. What things did he do with this girl? Were they dating or not? It sounds like they were just friends. And I'm not sure you can tell him who he's allowed to be friends with, male or female, if there's nothing going on between them. Link to comment
Woman soul Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 He didn't "make you feel" less of a woman. That is your insecurity. You were broken up. He was allowed to take women on dates. Why did she delete you? Because she doesn't want you stalking her most likely. What he did with her while you were broken up is not your concern. You can't tell him who he can and can't talk to. Nothing has changed since you broke up. I really think you guys just are not compatible. He officially told me he dated her that goes to show why I wouldn't want her around.... What I don't seem to understand is how to build my trust to not be so controlling and just trust his word.... Breaking up with him is not an option when he is my happiness I will fight threw it all and at this point I might be blind... But I pray everyday for me to get the guidence on how to be better this time around.... Link to comment
Woman soul Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 I agree the conflicts still remain, but things can't change if he is still chatting it up with the girl he was seeing when they were on a break. That should have been cut off when he decided to get back with his GF. Thank you! This is exactly what I feel... Now what im trying to do is just let him know how I feel because I believe.... if he ask I should say and not keep quiet.., right? I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do just like I couldn't force him to get back with me... I'm just hoping that everything gets solved and even threw the bad moments we can give eachother trust respect loyalty and love I know not everything can be picture perfect but I'm trying my best to trust in him into the fact that he really does love me and is also willing to try this out again without any lies And me trying to keep my controlling ways down... Link to comment
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