Any chance? :(

[Heartbrok3n445]

My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years. We broke up once a year into our relationship for two months. We had a very immature relationship, lots of fights, he treated me horribly so we broke up. I spent a month trying to be friends, go NC than broke it, etc. Then I went strict NC for a month when he called begging me for another chance.

 

He changed, we changed. We grew up. We ended up moving in together and everything was great.

 

We lived together for 2 years. We had some normal ups and downs during our relationship mainly with money and stuff but nothing that we couldnt handle. Then this year it all came crashing down.

 

A group of friends he started hanging out with moved out on their own and he started spending lots of time there. He would go out a lot and waste all our money which I would then have to cover and I'd miss out on things myself. We probably didnt structure things correctly.

 

The fights got worse and he went out more and more. The last few weeks before we broke up were the worst. Now I look back I think he did want to end things but maybe didnt. I dont know.

 

At the end of March we went to a wedding. He said that when they were reading their vowels it was exactly how he felt about me. He said he was going to change, treat me better and be there for me more. He said it made him realise how much he loved and needed me.

 

Then we went back home and he was with his friends and it went back to normal.

 

Each Friday he would go out, ignore me then blame me for why he did that saying I would get mad. I would just get mad because he would disappear and not tell me if he was coming home or not. Then he'd promise he'd change and that he was sorry.

 

Then the last few weeks he just didnt care. He'd say he thought he was ready to grow up but now he doesnt know, he didnt want to miss out on all the fun and excitement. That we were toxic for eachother right now.

 

I had a terrible week before we broke up. He was saying all that stuff, he didnt know what he wanted, he wanted space. We then met up a few days later and we were going to break up. I told him I wanted us to move out regardless. He kind of started saying we could try and that if we didnt live together than we wouldnt have the issues we have, etc.

 

He texted me all night saying he really wanted to make this work, that he thought it could work, etc.

 

We were supposed to meet up that weekend. He was being nice in the morning but then dropped off and didnt speak to me.

 

Then he reactivated his facebook, started adding girls and I was just devostated. We met up on Monday and broke up and tried to split our joint loan.

 

We both cried, he said we needed to be apart and if we ever got back together we'd know it would be forever.

 

The next day he was showing regret, saying he felt and then we found out we couldnt split the loan so we talked on the phone where he said I wouldnt have to wait that long but he didnt want to talk about it.

 

The next day he made some hopeful comments as well but was more distant. He kept telling me he was moving his stuff out by a certain day than he wouldnt. I was hurt, upset, desperate, needy, clingy. Sent texts and called. No answers. I ed up.

 

He knew we had to be out by the weekend but hadnt moved his stuff out. His parents ended up having to move his stuff while my parents cleaned the entire house and did everything else.

 

We had a fight last Monday where he said I made him the enemy, etc. He didnt know if what he said the week before was true and that he needed space blah blah. He then calmed down and said he understood why I had to tell his parents, etc and that he'd drop keys off that afternoon.

 

We texted a bit. He said he couldnt give me answers right now. That he would tell me when he's ready to talk and that I need to just cope with it and it will fall into place.

 

He didnt drop the keys off and our owners were hassling me about it. Then his dad got the keys off him. We spoke on the phone that day and he said he wasnt being mean to me cause he hated me but that he wanted me to learn my lesson.

 

I went all pathetic again, said I'd change and that I've learnt my lesson. That if he doesnt miss me now he never will. He said that its only been a week, he's trying not to think about it and why cant I do the same, etc. Then made a comment about how if we got back together we'd probably be the best.

 

I went NC for 5 days than broke it. He didnt reply. I facebook'd him and he kept seeing my msgs but just not replying. I begged him to just tell me its done for good, etc. No response.

 

I wish I didnt break NC but it was the kick up the ass to show me WHY I can never break it again.

 

I was a mess afterwards. I'm taking his no responses as he has moved on. I really want to move on too.

 

We have been broken up for 2 and a half weeks but basically knew it was over for 3 and a half.

 

I know his actions have shown there is no future but I am still in that stage where I hope he comes back.

 

I'm hoping he realises that the life he wanted isnt as great as he wanted and the fun wears off, but by then I'm worried he will just start a relationship with one of the girls through his group of friends.

 

I just want to know though... is there no chance? Have I ruined any chance of him coming back to me? Do you think he'll ever realise he made a mistake?

 

He has always put the blame on me so I am worried that he will only ever look back and see the bad and never see the good I did.

 

I am a mess

 

I know I need to move on and let go of hope but I still would like to hear thoughts on if anyone thinks he may come back.

 

I have never felt worse in my entire life

[kbbcoop77]

Why in the world would you want him back? Give it a good 90 days no contact and re ask yourself if you would be better with this dysfunction back in your life. It took months after my wife left for me to realize how much calmer and peaceful my life is now. Now it's been 15 months and I wouldn't take her back if she begged. You can do better and deserve someone without all the games and drama. Give it time, you're just in the early stages. He's ignoring you, block him and let him live his life without you. Never get so hung up on someone before taking care of yourself first. This can be a great opportunity for you if you get him off the pedestal and work on yourself! Trust me I was devastated too but it's gotten so much better.

[Heartbrok3n445]

I get that but still have I ruined any chance of him regretting it and coming back? Is this a situation where they realise and come back or do these situations usually mean its over forever?

[Slowthought]

It's hard to do, but moving on is best. You accept. You work hard to make things better. In time, things get better.

[fantom1399]

Why would u want to gt back with him? He doesn't sound like a reliable guy and he doesn't give a hoot about you or the relationship. From his actions, it looks like he is just keeping you on the side until he can find another person. I'm sorry if i'm blunt but you have to see that you deserve better than this douche. He says all these nice thibgs just so he keeps you on the hook. Wouldn't you be better off with someone who wants to be around you and treat you the way you should be treated? Respect yourself first! I know its easier said than done but if you work on yourself and less about whether he is going to come back, life will be easier on you.

 

Good luck!

[Heartbrok3n445]

I actually wish I could delete this thread. I found out some things tonight that has completely changed my view on this relationship.

 

I will probably post about it to vent and get some advice, but basically I realised that I am better than him and I deserve better. And I KNOW he will regret it, whether he crawls back or not I know he'll regret it and I will never ever take him back.

 

So embarrasing how I actually posted something like this, have been blaming myself for everything when I really was not the problem.

 

Thanks for the advice though!