Confused about feelings for married guy

[guineapiggy]

I dont know what to do. I am at my wit's end. There is a guy I like at work. He is married. I email him back and forth most days about 3-4 times a day. I ask him for advice, joke with him, etc. I also work with him on a limited basis. I have been attracted to him since Nov. We have gone out and done stuff together only twice. The first time, we went to a tournament and I hung out with him. I ended up kind of having sex with him later on in that afternoon. It was a small fling. He tells me that since he is married, he isnt looking for a fling with me, but that if things happen, things happen. A month after the tournament, we went out and hung out again. This time nothing happened, except that he told me he didnt want a fling. But, after hanging out, and when he walked me to my car, he asked me if he could kiss me. I said no since he wasnt looking for a fling so I wouldnt kiss him. But then he said if things happened, things happen (meaning if it does happen, fine). We then kissed. That was in March. Since then we have not gone out again. We have emailed each other every day at work, about 4-5 times a day. I am getting sick of just emailing him. I am still very attracted to him. Since I work with him, I do see him about 1-2 times a week in his dept. I find any excuse to be in his dept so I can see him and talk to him. I watch him from the corner of my eye at lunch. I even watch him come in, in the morning. I know what time he comes in and he parks on the street. I watch from a conference room window on the 3rd floor. He cant see me.

 

Why am I so damn attracted to him. I get so happy when he emails me back. I try to find ways to flirt with him and he flirts back with me too. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me. I am getting tired of only just emailing. I see him as my friend and he considers me a friend too. He always manages to email me back, call me back if I call him when he is busy, etc. And on the days I DONT email him, he usually drops an email to say "hi". What DOES HE WANT? I want him terribly. I cant stop thinking about him. I look for him at work occasionally.

 

He has promised me to take me out for a drink in June to celebrate my birthday (my birthday was actually a few months ago but he didnt have time to go out until June). I cant wait to go out with him. He tells me he will help me find a bf by setting me up with a friend of his. I dont know whether he is going to help me or just blowing smoke.

 

WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY??? I am like a teenager with a crush and I am 30 years old. I like him so much. He obviously enjoys my friendship. Why am I so attracted to him. I know he is married and he isnt looking for a fling, although I do flirt with him occasionally at work and I keep on dropping hints about going out. Sometimes, he takes them, other times he ignores them. Why am I being like this? My lust for him is driving me nuts. It seems as though, the more he doesnt want me, the more I want him. HELP ME!

[Zanne]

Simple answer....he's married so forget it. He's a loser who wants to cheat on his wife - who has cheated on his wife, with you and who knows who else. Think more of yourself than that. You are worth more than a fling. Did you read what you wrote? He hasn't had time to take you out for a drink for your birthday for months?! This guy wouldn't even make a good friend if he were single. Things are all about him.

 

Seriously, stop E-mailing this guy and don't look back. You're just asking for trouble with this.

[guineapiggy]

I just dont understand what he is looking for. He seems like he really enjoys my friendship because he seems to enjoy emailing me back and forth. We do it a lot.

 

My biggiest problem is I am so attracted to him, it is starting to affect me. It is not always like this, it comes and goes. SOmetimes I am ok with just emailing him. Other times, I am so attracted to him I want to go out with him again. What gives?

 

And I dont understand his attitude with me, never did. In the beginning, before he told me he was married, he seemed like he wanted to go out iwth me. Now he doesnt seem like he wants to, but then he is nice and friendly to me at work and we email alot, to the point, if I dont email him, he will email me. Intersting.

[Zanne]

The lovely things about E-mails? The Delete button. It is your friend in this case. Use it! Love it! Make it part of you!

 

We've all gone through periods where we are attracted to guys who are bad for us. You just need to recognize that he's bad for you. All he seems to want is a *** buddy...someone he can use at his convenience. You seem willing to fill the role, so he's trying to keep his options open. Don't be the closet blow up doll he pulls out when his wife's away. It's not a good position to put yourself in. Things will really suck if you fall for this guy. Cut loose while you still can.

 

Just look at it from an outside perspective. Now, for me, it would be enough that he was married for me to keep my hands off because cheating in a personal pet peeve and I think married people who cheat and the people who cheat with them knowing they're married are scum, but that's just me. (Sorry) But if you became his steady mistress, he'd still be "cheating" on you with his wife, and since we know he doesn't hold his marriage with any value, it's most likely he'd be cheating on you with other gullible single gals, as well, since you're just the mistress. Why spend any time with this guy at all? I see no positive in this. He doesn't even seem to value you all that much. If he really cared, he wouldn't even dream of putting you in this position. He wouldn't put off celebrating your birthday for months because it was more convenient for him that way. Don't fool yourself. Do you think you deserve a guy's full attention? Or only what's left over after he's with his wife?

[coldplay8]

Take it from me- run, not walk, away from this. He sounds like a real jerk. Not enough time to celebrate your birthday for months?! Come on. Even if he were a cool friend, that would be lame. I'm sorry, he is playing around. And you are the one who is going to get hurt.

 

All offices have a little flirting going on- to break up the work day. I would assume this is what the emails are about to him. Ever consider that he continues to be nice/friendly to you to cover himself? If he pissed you off too much, who knows what you might go and do, like tell his wife...

 

Forget him please, I don't care if he's the hottest guy out there.

[Starfox86]

There is nothing wrong with wanting a Married guy.

I want someone I can't have. But I'm content with just knowing them as a person and having the ability to have them in my life. Sometimes we can't have everything we want. But if we try sometimes, we get what we need. Sound familiar?

"When in doubt, don't"