What's the female equivalent of a Nice Guy(TM)?

[Misskitty16]

You've been told by guys that you're "too nice?" Wow...that's...a new one. I have spoken with so many of my guy friends about this...we don't care if a woman is "too nice" at all. I definitely didn't mean to say (nor do I believe) that once a woman passes the eye test, she is golden. Not by a long shot. I just meant that "nice girls" aren't stigmatized the way "nice guys" are.

 

Nice guys finish last, that's a given. And physically unattractive women struggle just the same. Hence, why I felt the two were "equal" in that sense.

 

Yes, two equally unattractive people, male and female, will struggle equally. However, a woman being "too nice" can be just as much of a turn off as a man who is "too nice". I know this, because I am the "too nice" girl. It has not served me well.

 

You can be kind, without being taken advantage of. There is a huge difference between being kind and being too nice. Being too nice is a turn off, I don't care what gender you are.

[John John]

Yes, two equally unattractive people, male and female, will struggle equally. However, a woman being "too nice" can be just as much of a turn off as a man who is "too nice". I know this, because I am the "too nice" girl. It has not served me well.

 

You can be kind, without being taken advantage of. There is a huge difference between being kind and being too nice. Being too nice is a turn off, I don't care what gender you are.

 

 

I'm surprised to hear that being too nice has been a hindrance to you. Maybe since I'm a nice guy (NOT the kind that browneyedgirl describes above) I don't mind a nice girl, so long as I'm attracted to her. How are you too nice? Or, what have guys told you that being too nice has turned them off?

[faraday]

I'm surprised to hear that being too nice has been a hindrance to you. Maybe since I'm a nice guy (NOT the kind that browneyedgirl describes above) I don't mind a nice girl, so long as I'm attracted to her. How are you too nice? Or, what have guys told you that being too nice has turned them off?

 

I was "too nice" when I was younger. I lacked boundaries. I tolerated men missing dates, being late, not pulling their equal share financially...I tolerated men who came for dinner and didn't help clear the table, or ever bring a bottle of wine. I tolerated men that wouldn't pick me up for dates...I even stuck around if a guy told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I'd bake him cookies and hope he would change his mind.

 

I was scared to be alone. Which was dumb, I had guys falling over me, but my self esteem was low, so I acted like I was low value...so they would start to treat me like I was low value.

 

Now I expect a guy to do what he says he's going to do. He'll pick me up for dates (not every time, but when its not impractical)...I don't date guys that expect me to clean up after them. If a guy is late, he better have a good reason, and if he doesn't, that's a strike off his two chances. Idk...now I expect a guy to prove to me that he's worth me making cookies for...and I know I'm worthy of gf status....so if he didn't want to date me, I'm not interested in being his f buddy in hopes he'll realize how awesome I am.

 

I see my value now. I'm nice. Really nice. But now there are qualifications to get all of nice faraday.

[tiredofvampires]

It's generally agreed that a Nice Guy™ is usually a closet misogynist who think that girls owe them a relationship or sex because they are so "nice" to them and complain frequently about friend zone this, girls go for jerks that. What is the female equivalent of this?

 

I would say it's probably a girl with Special Snowflake Syndrome who thinks the world owes her a favor because of how selfless, loyal, dedicated, etc. she is to a guy, or who demands to be treated like a princess. I recently broke up with such a girl. What do you think?

 

The equivalent of a person who feels irrationally entitled, based on a self-serving emotional quid pro quo, is a person who feels irrationally entitled, based on a self-serving emotional quid pro quo.

 

I don't see a need to assign genders, labels, or even topical themes to a behavior that is simply a dysfunctional human response to feeling inadequate. I don't think it warrants a trademark either -- it's pretty generic.

 

OP, it sounds like you're trying to deal with resentment over your ex, and looking to the wrong things for some relief. Decide that you won't date someone who has certain emotional issues and attitudes (and become adept at identifying them, while not becoming cynical), and work through the healing process by seeking emotionally healthy connections. This classification process won't serve any purpose.