Should I confront my 'friends' or just leave them?

[JuggernautJay]

I started college last September and made a group of new friends as you do. We got along great at first and the whole thing was brilliant. It was me, Adam, Mike, Paul, Tyler, Becky, Beth and Laura. We were a close-knit group but out of all of them I was closest to Beth. One by one people began dropping out. First Paul, then Tyler, then Laura and just recently, Beth. Now one of the other girls (Becky) I had a crush on and we had both recently broken up with our girl/boyfriends just before we started college so we began seeing each other for a while. Nothing became official but we would flirt all the time and it was definitely more than a friendship. A little while later her and her ex boyfriend got back together. I didn't want to seem like a douche by flirting with her while she was in a relationship so every time she started flirting with me and stuff I would just sort of disregard it and act normally around her.

 

Adam, who was my closest friend at first also has a crush on her and he has started trying to 'snake' her now that I've left her alone. She has told him that she doesn't particularly like her boyfriend as he pays her no attention but she's staying with him in the hopes that he changes, or until someone that does show her attention comes along. Her and Adam now flirt all the time and he's recently turned the whole thing into a competition with me and is always bragging about it. They have become a lot closer now than I ever was with Becky and since Beth has left I no longer have a close friend that I can just have a laugh with. So I've kind of become the third wheel. I just sit with the group and do nothing (Mike is really annoying and I don't really like him.)

 

I have this habit of stealing Becky's phone as she has no password on it and just texting people random text messages just for a bit of fun. Today I decided to do it and I was going to text Adam with something stupid. But in the message above I saw my name. So I read the conversation (I know I was wrong to do that) and they were both talking about me moving to America next year and saying that they won't miss me and they'll be glad to see me go. Apparently, I've been too boring the past few weeks and because I don't joke around as much I'm making the group miserable.

 

I'm really hurt at the fact they've been talking behind my back and I don't know what to do tomorrow. Should I confront them about it or just leave it? I doubt I'll be hanging around with them but I'm not sure whether I should just ditch them or actually ask them about it. Also, if I do decide to ditch them and they ask why I've left their group how do I answer?

 

Thanks guys

[Mari]

Maybe be more interesting and involved is a possible option? You stopped talking to her because you felt it would be wrong to flirt. If you told her that then great, otherwise she may resent you for not flirting with her when she did. Now Adam and her are trying to hit it off, he wants you gone period. You're competition for him anyway, she's probably just going along with what he's saying because he seems catchable. Highly doubt she won't miss you when you're gone. But it is odd for you to hang out when their primary reason of being together is to help her cheat or cause her to break up with her boyfriend. FYI, I think you made the better choice, it's not a good feeling getting someone like that and then wondering if they are going to do it you when there's a lull in your relationship.

[catfeeder]

I would take the work 'confront' out of my vocabulary--it's aggressive, and it accomplishes nothing.

 

It makes no sense to expose yourself as a snooper only to live with that rep for the duration. It's not as though you can force your friends to undo their conversation.

 

So skip it. Reinvent yourself socially by being kind to the people around you even as you pursue other friends--possibly even the people who've dropped out of your current group.

 

Policing others doesn't buy you anything. You can't control their thoughts about you other than to behave well yourself.

 

Head high, and move forward--not backward.