Woman soul Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 How can I move on? How can I stop thinking about him? I don't know how am I ever gonna stop feeling like this... It's like every time I find out information about him it just brings me back into a depression stage... It hurts so bad and I blame myself 100% for the failed relationship I was such a horrible person and I don't know how I'm gonna live with the guilt... I didn't cheat on him but I would in occasions treat him wrong... I pray everyday for him and God to forgive me for my sins but, can I really move on from this when I can't even forgive myself? How can I forgive myself? Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well I was over controlling I wouldn't let him do things on his own.... I was always on his back... And I would never want his little sister around due to the fact that the grandpa made a rumor about me not treating his little sister right so that made me push her away so that they wouldn't say those things anymore... I was lazy over controlling and not self motivated to do things without him... I was also wouldn't trust him for the sneeky things I would see him doing from time to time I don't believe he ever cheated on me but I do think that he has done things to trigger my doubts and insecurities the problem is that now I see how wrong I was and its to late and I don't know how to give and get forgiveness from all three of us (God, my ex and, me) those are horrible things from my part and I accept my wrongs but now the pain of guilt and the break up and seeing him with ANOTHER GIRL is unbearable.... I don't know how much more I can take I love him and I'm sorry! On everything I'm trying to change myself to learn from my mistakes but I truelly believe that we can never be together and that makes me hurt the most. Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 No he dumped me... like two weeks ago he asked me if we could be friends and I told him no because it's gonna be impossible for me to move on if he's still around I came to no contact at all with him but since I still have his family on social media I came accross of a picture of him holding his other ex gf waist and smiling I probably deserve all of this Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Let me tell you this, it takes two to tango. Any blame in this should be fifty fifty, the problem is that dumpers like to put 100% of the blame on the dumpee so they can lessen their burden of guilt. Check out the following: link removed Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 I mean yeah he has a little part but I have to open up to admitting that most of the part was my fault... He didn't really say anything when breaking up just that he didn't love me anymore and that it wasn't my fault it's his.., which later on I noticed my mistakes.... I just need to learn how to move on and deal with the guilt of my mistakes Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 But how can I move on when I see him with another girl that hurts Link to comment
mandeelove Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 My exes blamed me too and I started to believe it was me. Dont fall into that. Its 50/50... plus if they truly loved, they'd try to work it out. Not run away. Hes probably occupied by a new girl but whats that doing? Hes not processing the breakup from up. Hes jumping into a new thing right away. Dont feel bad ! hes rebounding .Just take time for you. Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 But that doesn't promise me a better future without these feelings... I'm thankful for your words but I can't stop wishing for the things that are never gonna happen... And yes in the mean time I'm going to the gym and going to work and im about to start school in about a month... I just hope this guilt can go away as well as the feeling of wanting him again in my life... And even if I still feel like everything was my fault I hope that I find my way threw this nightmare I've created.... Once again thank you for your words!!! Link to comment
Nevermore31 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 How can I move on? How can I stop thinking about him? I don't know how am I ever gonna stop feeling like this... It's like every time I find out information about him it just brings me back into a depression stage... It hurts so bad and I blame myself 100% for the failed relationship I was such a horrible person and I don't know how I'm gonna live with the guilt... I didn't cheat on him but I would in occasions treat him wrong... I pray everyday for him and God to forgive me for my sins but, can I really move on from this when I can't even forgive myself? How can I forgive myself? Hey i know exactly what you are feeling. I am going through this right now. I feel guilty to what i have done to my ex and she is with someone else and she is very happy with him. I did treat her bad sometimes but most of the times i was good to her and appreciate her. She went through a lot in her life when i met her not to mention her cruel parents. When she left me i was in so much pain specially knowing she is with someone else. After the break up i realized what i have lost and i was thinking to all the hurtful things i did to her and now i regret everything that i did. I have changed a lot since the break up and i even told her that i realized a lot of things. but as you said it is too late now since they are with someone else. All we can do is learn from it and become stronger for the next person or if our exs come back we will know how to treat them. I know it is so hard to move on specially if you love that person. All we can do is to explain yourself and tell them you are sorry for everything and you are more than willing to work things out with them and wish them the best of luck! and the worst part is my ex and her new boy are moving in together.... she told me that they are serious. so... you are not alone with this! Link to comment
Woman soul Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 How long has it been since you guys broke up? I'm going on two months and I feel like if I can't deal with it.... I don't want to wait for the time to heal when I don't see any improvements on my feelings towards the situation I don't want to think of him everyday yet no matter how hard I try he's still here making me cry and I don't want to live my life like this... I'm tired of crying and not being as strong as I should be people tell me all the time it will pass you will soon stop thinking of it and it will all stay in the past but can you really move on when you can't forgive your self for what you did to your own life? I could have been happy yet the decisions I made now makes that impossible and it breaks me into pieces knowing what I did not only mistreated him but I also mest up my own life..... On top of all this I have to see pictures of him with another girl? And hear all these story's I'm hurt by that and I'm so lost in life now Link to comment
Nevermore31 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 We broke up about 4 months ago but i kept talking to her and i even explained things to her. and the thing is i did not tell my mom about her and she was upset about that. She have a 3 years old daughter and i was afraid from commitment in the past. So after she left me for someone else i talked to my mom and told her everything crying my eyes out and she accpeted the whole sitution (i have a strict parents) and told me to go marry her. So i told my ex about it and i want to marry her and we talked for few days about it and i asked her to marry me. She said she needs a week to think about it. And of course as i was suspected she said she cant since she is happy with the new guy and everything. So yeah that is kinda my story. Listen we are struggling through this me and you. And i also cry too sometimes when i miss her and feel alone. While she is happy with her new guy and it hurts a lot. We need to forget about them and try to look forward. And the best way to do it is not contacting them at all! It is hard but it is a must. I am trying so hard to leave things behind me since she knows where i stand with her. If anything happens they will reach out but i also made it clear to her that i will not be her friend! So hey by time you will forget about him.... and i know what are you talking about.... like you hurt someone and then that person leaves you and you feel what have i done to my life. I had something and i pushed them away!!! like why did i do that to myself. We are humans.... sometimes we cannot realize our own mistakes until we get hurt and fell into that well. and yes i also feel lost in my life. But it is part of the healing process. It is so painful to get through it... but we can! I am so sad right now writing you this.... but at least we can vent to each other! Link to comment
AmelieM Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I know this is hard, and I'm struggling with it myself. I think the most important things are: 1. Stop idealizing the relationship. Sure, it had its good points, but it also had its bad points - otherwise you wouldn't have acted out. When it ends, you only miss the good things, but remind yourself that there were bad things too, and don't view the past through rose-colored glasses. And 2. Take this opportunity to improve yourself. I've realized I'd become entirely too dependent on my ex to make me happy. I set certain expectations for his behavior, and when they weren't met, I would be unhappy. My goal now is to find happiness within myself, and take this chance to become the person I want to be. I'm pursuing volunteerwork and new hobbies and interests. Only good things can come of that. In my negative state I was only bound to attract more negative energy. My goal is to try the opposite. Link to comment
relevart Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 It being 50/50 is what people tell themselves to help themselves feel better. Just saying. We wouldn't sit here and tell you that it's 50/50 if he cheated on you, stole all your money and burned your house down. You have to move on and work on yourself. He has. A little part of you should want him to be happy even if it's not with you. (Because I'm not sure that was going to happen.) I guess you have had these issues before, but even if not, you need to work on yourself and find out why they're there. A lot of times it comes from a lack of self confidence. Link to comment
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