Ex doesn't get it, I relapsed horrible :(

[bastas]

Hi Ena,

 

I could really use some different point of views from you guys.

My ex broke up with me, 10 months ago, after a 5 year RS. I have been devastated ever since and trying hard to move on. A month after the BU I told her that I couldn't take the confusion anymore (it was all very emotional and cofusing

with the mixed signals, hot and cold). I asked if we could work on the RS or otherwise we had to stop with this nonsense; cos it was killing me.

 

She needed to 'detach' (her words) from me. So I did. I gave her all the detachment she could ask for. I didn't contact her once since

that day. The first few months after that, she contacted me every month But never questions, but indirect ways card, ... So I blocked and deleted her on allmost everything. She even had the guts to send me a letter, before she left on the half year holiday we we're supposed to go on together. Saying that I'm still her one and great love.

All her actions have been quite selfish; all me, me, me. She stopped contacting me in the holiday season.

 

So now again she has sent me an email. Asking questions about my family , that she thought long before even sending it. That I should delete the email if I didn't wanted to hear anything from her. But that she really really liked to have contact again!

 

I was expecting something from her again, due to what she wrote in the letter. Because she didn't accept the fact that I wanted NC, I can't find that peace. So I decided to answer the email. To stop it. I told her that I'm fine(lie) and busy. But if this contact was only in a friendly way=> I'm not interested.

Her answer was: she is happy that I'm fine and she is curious what I've been doing. For her it's only for friendship, she hopes that will change on a given moment.and that she prolonged her holiday.

 

I thaught I was strong enough, but I'm clearly not. Now the thing that hurted the most was how she reacted. The interaction was business like/cold. Like I'm small minded by not accepting her contact. She ends it with: have a fantastic spring!! Literally like that.

 

I don't understand how she can go from writing you're my great love,...etc a few months ago To being so cold. Like it was just a business deal that failed;' oh well' .

We have just shut the door for any reconciliation (friends or lovers). And after knowing her for 7 years, she ends it with: enjoy spring!!? And she 'needed' to detach, though she is the one who keeps contacting me and asking for friendship. And after all the she has put me through ( I'm not gonna write all the details, not interesting for you guys) she thinks she can 'catch up' while she is sipping pina colados on some beach.

 

I'm sorry for the long thread. I'm just sad en disapointed once again. I could really use some insight. I was sooo fond of her and now I don't even recognise her. It makes me wonder if any of the RS was true

[fifregister]

I'm sorry for your hurt and confusion. This is what happens when you break No Contact!!!!

 

People have different sides to them, and after a relationship ends, there is a shock to your system. That person that was so close to you is now essentially a stranger.

 

You don't answer an email to tell them you need NC. You just keep on doing NC! She re-established a hold on you, has satisfied her curiosity, and is leaving you again devastated.

 

The nice thing is that we can learn from our lessons, no matter how many times it takes. Just restart NC again. You'll feel a tiny bit better each day.

[bastas]

I only broke it, cos I was sick of getting something every months or so. I wanted her to know that it's NOT going to happen. I have ignored so much,that after 3/4 year I would be civil and be clear once again; that I don't need friendship. Was that really such a bad idea? I didn't want her to think I'm still too devastated that I don't answer.

I don't know, i've discussed with a friend, They thought it would be a good idea

[shessofly]

 

So now again she has sent me an email. Asking questions about my family , that she thought long before even sending it. That I should delete the email if I didn't wanted to hear anything from her. But that she really really liked to have contact again!

(

 

Ahhh bastas...the bolded may have been your out had you just deleted. Now you know to never ever respond again. she is toying with you. guilt? ego boost? who knows...

 

more importantly, what have you been doing to heal? ten months really isn't that long after a 5 year relationship, but it's what you do with the time that matters. i believe you will bounce back from this sooner than you think.

[bastas]

Apparently it was Shessofly. I went to therapy in the beginning. I'm looking for jobs but it's really hard in my field (she dumped me the day for our graduation). So I'm doing externships to get more experience. I really like the coworkers there, so I can smile a lot if I'm having a good day. I've been reading books about ethics and way of thinking to snap myself out of it. I bought a car so I have more freedom, my social life is ****ty due to disapointments and circumstances during college; but I've been accepting invitations from people to do stuff. And hugging my old old dog I gave myself days to just be sad if it pops up again; But I'm really trying to be happy and trying/forcing myself to let go., which haven't worked yet obviously. But I thought I was on the right track, I don't know what else to do. I was a total wreck in the beginning, 200 % devastated.