Am I too needy?????

[cooldude1234]

hahaha... i know i post here a lot, but SHEESH, this girl...

 

SO, This has to do with how much I am able to see and tal kto my girlfriend.

 

This past week has been very stressful for me and I have been unable to see my girlfriend and communication has been limited.

 

The time that I had open this week, she ditches me to go see her friend's boyfriend's band play (she see this band a LOT, so it wasnt anything "special"). even though we planned on doing something together.

 

But okay, not a HUGE deal, I finally get time to spend with her on friday and we see eachother for a few hours so, that was nice.

 

So tonight I could have gone to a show (a few awesome bands were playing) but I decided to not go and spand some time with her. We had planned this out too. After all I havent really seen her much this week. So she comes over and I find out that she has to leave in 2 hours to go to a friend's house.

 

This upsets me... I agree, I probably have become far too attached, but i have lots going on in my life, so finding other things to do that isn't spending time with her would be EASY.

 

Am I at fault here and what should I do

 

(we've been in a relation ship for a couple of months now)

[aegis1314]

hmm...

i've been in a relationship since 2.5 years ago (still now) and my gf does this too

it had been yesterday too (in middle of argument now) well mine's even worse she gets angry at me for being angry

 

i'm at a loss to as what i can coz i've been going through the same stuff for the past 2.5 years and she KNOWS this too

 

Dennis

[cooldude1234]

yeah... i know how you feel. I don;t have a problem if she was just generally busy, or didn't agree to do something if she knew she had other plans. But planning right over me, that hurts

[Ceema-k]

Hey there... I'm not in a relationship.. only dated for 4 months, but this past week I would have loved to see more of her but all of a sudden her social calendar got jam-packed. Any other week, I would not have minded. But my week had been a bit stressful and almost dull. Calling her up, she seemed to have so little time to chat, even for a couple minutes. The thing that irks me out is twice she said she would call me the next day, but never did.

 

The 2 -3 weeks previous, she was not hanging out with friends very much and actually sought me out for dates and the occasional phone call. I would try to make myself available. If i missed her call, I would always call her back. Starting last Sunday, she started getting flaky... like calling me to go out, then the next day cancelling to be with a friend.. but calling back later in the evening to see if i still wanted to go out now that her plans fell through. That back & forth stuff irks me out to no end. Anyway, I feel your frustrations because right now I feel like a distant #2 to her friends.. and in a sense, when thinking back to how I was there for her in the previous weeks.. I feel kind of used, y'know?

 

I don't think you're needy. I don't think I"m being needy. We're being under-appreciated.

[Bibora]

I'd like to have an input on the needy term too..

 

Does it makes you needy to be always with one you love? I mean, when i was with my ex, nothing would give me more pleasure then to be with her, in her company. Is that being needy? If so, if i get in another relation, i would be in a very different position, i mean being more cold/distant in a the relation... And i don't think that is smart...

[OceanEyes]

I think the term "needy" is very subjective, and will differ from person to person. If both people are okay with spending a lot of time together, and really enjoy each others' company above anyone elses', then neither person would be "needy" (they would probably be tremendously happy to be honest). However, when one person has a lot going on in their life and chooses to spend a limited amount of time with their partner, while the other person is constantly feeling the need for more time/ attention, this would be a case of one person being "needy".

 

Being "needy" implies that you frequently need more attention from someone than they need from you. It doesn't mean that you're wrong for feeling that way, but there is a possibility that you're not properly matched. I think every one of us is needy at some point of our lives.

 

Cooldude You don't seem needy to me. In fact, it doesn't seem like you and your girlfriend spend much time together at all. A couple of hours a week wouldn't be my idea of a "relationship". It seems like you need something a bit more involved than that - which is totally fine. I do too!

 

It's understandable that you are both still young, and have a lot of other things going on in your lives. However, if you're always feeling like you never spend enough time with her to actually consider what you have "a relationship", then it might be time to think about whether or not the relationship is right for you. You could talk to her about it and see what happens, but it's been my experience that if she really wanted to spend time with you, she would push for more of it. Women are generally not shy to tell you if they want more from you (and even if they don't just come out and say it, you will sense/ notice it from their attitude and actions).

 

Relationships only work out in the long run if both people have similar goals in mind (relationship-wise).

[cooldude1234]

thanks for everyones replies. I feel a little better now