Serious relationship advice needed

[kdot2015]

This is going to be a bit long so bear with me please.

 

I am now 26 I got with my partner when I was 18 and she was 16. As of today we've been together for 8 yrs and 2 months. We have a five year old son and we have lived together for just over 5 years.

Summer last year we were evicted due to our landlord not paying his mortgage, we decided not to rent again, instead save a few more thousand and get our own mortgage. Both our parents allowed us to move back in. Her parents have never liked me and never accepted me, and after me proving myself for 8 years I said no more. I dont care for their approval anymore. So she would stay with her folks and me mine and our son some with me and some her. We were still great and solid together. So last summer we were evicted but we were in the thick of planning to get married in the coming August (August 2014) it was stressful and pressure but we had a solid plan. Get married save for a few months then buy our own house. She graduated last summer and immediately walked into a top grade job (she got a first class degree and worked her arse off) and I have worked my way up the ladder and as of last novemebr I was a well paid graphic designer, so it is fair to say financially we don't struggle. Through her going uni I cut down to part time hours to be there for our son and so she could dedicate 100% to getting top honours degree. She had our son at 19 me 21 and we just made commitments to each other to support each other and bend over backwards to have successful careers and be great parents. We have done great, our son is blooming and careers too. So here's where it all went south, after we got evicted she was staying at my folks with me and our son alot. I didn't mind at all and neither did my mum or dad they love her like their own. It was tight though space wise but hey she's my best friend, and when we needed space she just went to her folks for a bit. Were working, and waiting for the wedding to arrive literally all was planned and payed for we were just waiting for the date to arrive. During a week we were both off work, and basically spent the whole week together, our son would go to school and we just hung out, making new ideas for after the wedding, talking etc etc for a while we hadn't done this due to being parents, working etc. Into the end of the week we had an argument as all couples do, and she said she didn't want to stay with me at my folks anymore and she collected our son from school and went to her folks. I said ok fair enough, maybe we need some space for a few days to cool off. So that evening I didn't call and neither did she. The following day I tried to call her, but no answer and no text. That evening same thing. So the dat after I was back at work and so wah she, I still haven't heard from her now, ok its only 3 days but that's an eternity for us, we speak all the time no matter what. So after work I try and call her again but no reply. She then texts me saying I need to stop calling her and leave her alone. I am confused at this point because ok we had an argument but it was silly and pointless, we had major arguments before and this was like a rice grain sized one. I was so confused as to why she was blanking me like this. I respected her request anyway and didn't call again. The following day I still hadn't heard from her and ai was going crazy, she was on my mind literally every second, my boss told me to take the day off because I was so far away in my head. That night she called me, I asked what is going on and why is she so upset and distant, it was like she just wanted to argue and I just wanted to hold her. After about 15 mins I said seriously what is going on why are you being this way and why wont you speak to me. She said I am not happy, I haven't been for a while. I was shocked, I asked her how unhappy is she and she couldn't respond. The conversation went on for a few more minutes and she said it again and I said if you are that unhappy why are we going to get married. Her response was, its off then! Its off and I am done with this. She hung up the phone and that was that. For 3 more days I tired to call her, I went round to her folks but they didn't answer the door. I was broken, confused upset and angry. Here is where I messed up, after the fourth day I was chatting to a girl in work, we hadn't spoke before and she was a welcoming ear. We spoke alot that day and it felt good. I took her number and that evening we spoke too. Nothing untoward or flirtatious just about life etc she had got out of a ling relationship not long ago and I told her about mine. So for the next 3 days we spoke, texted and then we arranged to brag a drink after work. I decided not to go for the drink because I felt it was wrong of me. She didn't mind anyway and we just kept on chatting. So a week now and I hadn't heard from my partner, or spoke to my son. I didn't know what to do, I knew my son would be fine she is a great mum. 2 weeks now and I hadn't heard from her, it was over, she hadn't spoke to me, she would answer the phone or door. She was my life literally and I felt it was destroyed. I was still chatting to this girl from work, and she told me she liked me and wanted to get to know me more. I didn't know what to do, I was angry and hurt and said ah it. I told her i liked her too and wanted to go on a date with her. So we planned it for that coming Saturday. I was to drive to her and take her out. Saturday came and I stood her up and didn't even call her to tell her. I just didn't show up it was awful of me but I knew it was wrong of me to go. I sent a text to my partner and told her how much she meant to me and how I was feeling. The following day she cane to my folks with our son. We went upstairs to speak and she told me she was sorry and she loves me too, she cant wait to get married and get back to how we were. I asked why this had happened and she didn't have any answers for me, I was still confused but glad we seemed to be back. I told the girl in work I was sorry and she was fine with it, she said she was happy I didn't treat her like a fall back girl. So this whole drama was over

 

Beginning of August, a few weeks from being married.

We are in a park and our son is playing, she then asks me if I have anything to tell her. I say no I dont why what's on your mind. She goes to her phone and shows me screenshots of messages from my phone. She has been into my phone and sent my messages to her. Specifically the messages between me and the girl at work, I was furious and she was too. She said I am a bastard, a liar a user etc etc I defended by saying all we done was talk, nothing ever happened, I told her I thought about a date but didn't go ahead. I even said that at that point she had broken up with me and I was confused but not about the love I felt for her.

She cursed me, and called me all kind of names. This was by far the worst argument we had had. When we both calmed down we spoke and I told her all, after coming clean I asked why she had broken up in the first place and how she felt, She assured me she loved me and wanted us to work, but I didn't get a definitive answer about the break up, I told her the messages was all their was and that the girl and I are colleagues. That day we went back to my folks house, she gave me her word she wouldn't go into my phone again but she did. While I was hanging with a friend she was upstairs in my phone. She came down furious, there was more messages but these were whatsapp and I completely forgot about them. She slammed my phone down in front of my whole family and friend and told them I was a liar and a cheat then she walked out the house. I followed her out and she grabbed my face with her nail, scratched my whole face up while I was trying to restrain her. She took her engagement ring and through it (we never found it) she told me the wedding is off and she is done with me for good, I have never seen her like this before. I was again devastated my life crumbled in the space of a day and to make it worse I had done nothing wrong in my opinion. I got on my motorbike and rode as fast as I could as far away as I could go. After riding for a while I stopped and decided I was going to kill myself, I texted my family and my closest friend and I texted her. I told them all I was sorry but my life wasn't worth living. I dont think I was meant to kill myself because as I got back on my bike to do it the police pulled behind me and intervened, I was done for speeding but also my family had called the police and the officers we alerted to what I had planned.

 

I spent that night with the police, not under arrest but because they didn't want me to do anything stupid. The next day she said she wants to see me so we met at her nans. We spoke for ages and she said we can work but the wedding is off and she needs to be sure I will was real love for her. That I loved her as I say I do. I tried to assure her I did and I would never cheat on her and the girl in work was nothing. The next day we went to my folks (I hadn't yet spoke to them and neither had my partner) we showed up and my mum was beside herself, she was furious no one had told her what had happened and how we were. She said to my partner that when I was off going to kill myself she should have told her what was happening, how she always treated her good and respected her she should show the same. My mum and partner then got into a massive argument, it was terrible, the things they both said to each other, it almost got physical I had to hold off my partner and my dad had to hold off my mum its like they wanted to fight each other. It ended on bad terms and Out of nowehre I realised that my partner actually cannot stand my mum or my mum her. I loved them both and I wouldn't allow that to hinder my relationship with the other. So we decided to be together and move into her nans, the wedding was off and we would take it slow and build what was broken. Inside I felt hurt, untrusted, some angry, I felt I was made to be the bad guy when I done nothing wrong. But I loved her and would put all how I felt aside for the benefit of the love and relationship. My mum and partner now didn't speak at all for no reason.

 

November 2014

My partner and mum made up and were back on good terms. Me and my partner were doing good again, we had a plan to buy our own place in June 2015, we were back on track. We still had some arguments about what had happened but it seemed we were both committed to making it work.

The first week into November she came home and after dinner she went out with our son to a basketball game with her friend and son. I chilled at home, it was a usual Friday night. I then get a text from a girl I've known for 6 years, we speak every now n then. She knows my partner too, and they both like each other.so she texted me and said my partner is texting her and telling her to back off from me and leave her family alone. I couldn't believe it, this girl has her own family and a child, we have never flirted, or anything like that she is literally a friend. I was furious about this. I told her I am sorry and to please excuse what my partner was saying. When she came home I asked her about it and she flipped out, she said she was going through my phone, she seen I had texted her, and she had been going through my phone for months. I done my best to stay calm and explain that she was over reacting and being insecure. The messages she read from my and my friend were pleasantries' and nothing more and she can read them again if she likes. The argument went on for quite a while and she then dragged up the girl from work, she said she doesn't trust me, she doesn't believe a word I say and I flirt with everyone.

The next day I was in work she called me and said she want to hear that I have told this girl in work that I have a family and I am not interested in her. I was amazed at this, I said I told her months ago and there's nothing going in she is my colleague so stop over reacting and calm down. She said if I dont tell her she will call her herself. (she went into my phone and took her number) I said don't be stupid you could get me fired. So at lunch I called her back and told her I am not going to do it because I already have and if she cant believe me then its her issue.

She called the girl that evening while I was on the way home, the girl told her that I was a nice respectable guy who was very committed to my relationship and family and that nothing had happened or will ever happen between me and her. My partner then told the girl to stay away from me or else she will come looking for her and destroy her and her career.

 

I will try and cut this short now I have just realised how long this is lol.

 

So the following week I was fired from my job, the girl had complained and it was 100% against company policy.

My partner got me fired down to her lack of trust and insecurity.

2 weeks later she kicked me out of her nans house and told me it was over.

She said all manner of things to me, and made me feel like .

 

So from the middle of November to end of January we we broke up, 3 months.

I still seen my son and me and her still spoke in that time but we were over.

 

The one night I went to a party and through mutual friends we were both invited.

I was with my friends (wasn't or hadn't seen anyone in the time we've been apart) and I seen a few girls who

I hadn't seen in years. We were dancing and drinking having a good time, she was doing the same with her friends.

When the party was over we were all outside and me and her spoke and she said we are being daft. I told her she was yes but she broke up with me and I have nothing to say to her, I am getting on with my life and trying to get back on track career wise.

 

I love her like life itself and the following week I told her and she told me she felt the same, we booked a hotel and made the best love in years. We decided to get back together and we did.

Its now been from end of January so its almost 8 weeks and things seem good. Oh and she is 7 weeks pregnant with our second child (we don't believe in abortion) we are still planning to buy a house and I am a week away from starting a great new job. We have had some good talks on what we are doing and our life together, we both say we want the same things. I cannot emphasise how much I love her, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I cannot imagine life without her. I just feel she doesn't feel the same way anymore, she says she does, I just dont feel it from her the same as before and I don't want to be without her. I want a wife and I want my kids to grown up with their mum and dad but I know inside if the love isn't 100% both ways it will grow sour and will end very badly.

 

I need some advice, opinions, experiences from other people. This is a first for me, I have never wrote on a site before but before my son gets any older, or before we get closer to buying a house or planning another wedding I need some impartial advice.

 

I hope this all makes sense and thanks if you've taken the time to ready all of this

[Snny]

Let's see what's wrong with your girlfriend:

Your girlfriend creates problems because she cannot get control of her jealousy.

She can't handle arguments with you privately like an adult and has to cause a scene in front of family.

She is not respectful to your family, particularly your mum. This is a MAJOR RED FLAG.

She seems to enjoy humiliating you in public.

She tries to intervene with your relationship with your coworkers at your job.

She goes through your phone. Constantly.

She throws a tempter tantrum, broke off her engagement off with you by throwing her ring on the ground in front of family.

She assaulted you.

She is deliberately picking your friends and telling ALL your female friends you can no longer keep your friendships

She threatens your friends with blackmail.

She intervened with your job and cost you to get fired.

 

Really, who the hell does she think she is? From the way I am reading this, she doesn't sound like she wants to work things out. Instead this girl was looking for a way out of the relationship or to have full control over your life.

 

Do you honestly want to marry a person who behaves like this? These jealousy issues aren't going to go away when you tie the knot. This is who she is.

 

You need to get rid of her. She is abusive, controlling and a straight up B.

[Clinton]

You want serious relationship advice, seriously move on.