SHY PEOPLE please help

[LuciaSeia]

My 23 year old bf of only a few weeks, has confessed that he is a virgin, and that he feels that he will dissappoint me. He knows I have had relationships and well, sex...and he opened up to me that he doesn't know why I like him.

 

He tells me how beautiful his friends think I am, and that they all ask him how he got me. I imagine he's insecure? He is very good looking himself, he told me years of pot smoking and skateboarding left him little time for the girlfriends (and he regrets that it did). So here he is at his age, with hardly any experience (last gf was in highschool) Anyway...I don't know what to do about this situation. I told him I'm different (only seem to date the shy guys), and as odd as he wants to think I am..I still like him...very much. He just keeps questioning me, and telling me he doesn't think I do!!

 

I know people reading this will think that I must have issues. I think I have a strong maternal or caretaking instinct that maybe makes me feel like I need to always be doing something good for someone? Plus he's a challenge. He even told me that I may just be feeling sorry for him...but I don't think that's the case.

 

I am serious about my concern..makes me feel insecure about myself as well. What can I say or do to make him feel less nervous and comfortable around me...or maybe we're just not a good fit? Outgoing, usually confident woman..with an insecure, inexperienced guy?

[sti_2004]

Hey whats up,

 

your bf doesn't have much confidence which is cool coz i dont have much either. u guys have only been going out a few weeks but i bet he'll warm up to u after a couple months.

 

you gotta do the best u can to make him feel comfortable and not make him feel insecure but putting him down or making comparisons with other people, being shallow will kill it too.

 

he'll come round soon, just let him know ur his girl and he's alot cooler than ur ex's and maybe ur chick friends.

 

later..

[harveywallbanger]

Hey whats up,

 

your bf doesn't have much confidence which is cool coz i dont have much either. u guys have only been going out a few weeks but i bet he'll warm up to u after a couple months.

 

you gotta do the best u can to make him feel comfortable and not make him feel insecure but putting him down or making comparisons with other people, being shallow will kill it too.

 

he'll come round soon, just let him know ur his girl and he's alot cooler than ur ex's and maybe ur chick friends.

 

later..

 

 

if only that could happen to every shyguy, hahaha isn't shyguy a character from mario world?

[arrowbee]

 

if only that could happen to every shyguy, hahaha isn't shyguy a character from mario world?

 

Not every shy guy is "very good looking"!

[BCBoy81]

Just be patient with him. Don't jump the gun or you'll just scare him away. Be as kind and gentle and reassuring as you can be. I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 and I can relate to his situation. If you really do care for the guy, show him in OTHER ways other than sexual ones.

[HajiMaji]

Man, its rough. At somepoint every person has to look within themselves and step it up. He has to see hes an awesome person and break free from his insecurity. I dont know how long you (or anyone) can listen to his words!! I dont believe you like me?! Man id go nutz. Yes, i like you already, can we move on?

 

To be perfectly honest, i dont think theres anything you can do to make him feel more comfortable around you. Hes not comfortable with himself and hes gotta make that happen himself. I dont think that just cause you are outgoing and he is shy makes you a bad fit at all. Some people are shy right, and thats all good. The expierience doesnt REALLY matter in my opinion either, but the one thing you called him, insecure, does.

 

Everyone is isecure about something deep down right? Id say its part of being human. We will all be insecure for the rest of our lives, but this guy is just a little too insecure for you right now. I think he needs to gain some modivation or something. He needs to think hes a freakin awesome guy, cause until he thinks it hes gonna keep suckin like this..

 

If a girl i was dating started saying that weird stuff i probably would stop talking to her. I dont want to be mean but its just like mentally we are in 2 different places.

 

Oh, and by the way i didnt think you had issues at all. When ya said people reading this would think you had issues i was like aw man, no way. Its all good here, no judging at all

[rusty_boi]

i think all you have to do to help him feel comfortable is make him feel not pressured into impressing you and just show him that you like him for who he is and wouldnt want him any other way. and you do also need patience and be reassuring. you have to boost his self confidence up it will be really good for him and intern good 4 u

[ShySoul]

Hey. He is insecure and doesn't have much confidence in himself. You are doing everything right, it will just take time for him to adjust to the relationship and become comfortable. When you are around him, make sure he knows how much you like him. Smile, laugh, joke around. Compliment him and tell him what a great guy he is. Let him know how much the relationship means to you. The more fun he sees you are having and the more it seems like he's making you happy, the more comfortable he will be. He will begin to see that you really do like him and that he has nothing to worry about. His confidence will slowly but surely pick up.

[Caldus]

No one is responsible for anyone else's insecurities. He has to deal with those himself. He is obviously very insecure about some things and he needs to deal with those. Not you. You are not responsible for this. This could hurt the relationship a little if it hasn't already unless he works out these issues. You don't need to have 5 ex-girlfriends to be considered experienced. It all comes down to having confidence in yourself. If he was confident in himself, then he wouldn't be insecure about being a virgin or insecure about himself in other ways. I think it's going to be hard for you to tell him to fix his insecurities but do know that at some point he needs to do this.

[LuciaSeia]

We met today for some coffee, and he seems to be going through a rough time. Finding a job, paying off student loans....he was really quiet today and I was at tired and gloomy as well. So, before I left he asked me if I was mad at him.

 

I'm beginning to get annoyed at every instance that I don't seem outgoing, he gets scared that I'm mad at him. I am beginning to lose patience...I tell him that I just want him to find a job, and not stress too much. He doesn't say how much he appreciates me being so supportive.

 

 

Then he calls, and asks if I was mad..and he felt like he was rude earlier and wanted to apologize. At first I thought it was sweet, now I'm beginning to wonder if he has some kind of social anxiety. He told me that he has so much on his mind and so many things he wants to say, but he just can't.

 

 

What is going on?!!!!!!

 

[Caldus]

He's probably just stressed out about other things like the student loans and such. If this continues though, then at some point you're going to need to have a serious talk with him about all of this. If you aren't getting what you want out of this then you may want to rethink being with him in the first place.

[al7]

LuciaSeia, you have a good ability to clearly describe teh situation

which is great!

 

Why he is doing what he is doing? Cuz he likes you a lot and that "a lot" just shut his mind off.. so he says somtimes not very smart or logical things.

 

Now, I feel that you would feel better if he'd feel better. No amount of of only just words would make him feel comfortable...what you have to do

is simply.. seduce him. believe me he'll be much less worried... Do you know how to do that?.....