what I did today. What did you do?

[ATLstudent]

setting: Georgia..living at home with parents. (Anxiety contemplating life....thinking about an art commission from my brother I could work on)

 

Woke up about 10:30, wrote in journal.....made breakfast...oatmeal. Bathroom

 

Did some back stretches (back pain lately)....got on my soundcloud and edited my profile. (30 mins) Checked FB

 

Made Lunch (30mins)

 

Masturbated , texted an old fwb(30 mins)

 

Sat in misery, in bed (30 mins) ( thinking about life and my lack of production of anything, also my current displeasure in art and music, too things I think I want to pursue.) hear mom is home....snap out of it and pick up guitar start playing...nothing is moving me an inch. Can't play!!!

 

Mom is home....say hello hangout for a bit.

 

Journal about my current horrible mood , depression....I write about not wanting to work ...to do any type of work....think about making art about this....just notes.

 

 

Post online about not enjoying art, thinking I shoud quit that I'm just really an artist deep down, I don't like it that much.

 

Play more guitar, depressed....some things sounding ok but mainly I feel numb to it all.

 

Check post, some people have given me advice on art, say everyone has those days you just keep on holding on.......still not settled , nothing ever settles my mind, still wonder if quitting and pursing science that also interests me is the right decision.

 

That brings me to now , where I'm writing this.

 

I've been in a really low place lately, it feels like everything is wrong and I really don't know what I want to do with my life and I worry I won't take the steps to do the right thing...because I'm afraid of change,. But on the other hand how can I just all of a sudden stop....I've been doing art for quite a bit and why would I suddenly not want to, don't get me wrong I have many struggles with it, and it does feel like work sometimes but why now.....is it just because im depressed ...ugh all these of these questions I don't want to take responsiblty for ....but need to....how.

 

Also I live at home, I need to work on that too, but I've been trying to make the art thing happen and steady income is tuff,....I chip in a bit for groceries each month but I definiteky feel like I need to be doing better.

 

I wrote this to hold myself accountable, and also see what your day was like.....I would like to see a website where people just say what they did on that day...especially job related stuff......it also relates to my interests in wanted to ask people in traffic where they are goinG. Anyway I'd love to hear.....and any help is very appreciated.....in a crappy place lately.

[Xylitol]

You are miserable because you are not making any money. Because you don't have any money, you are still stuck living with your parents, and being stuck in life means you are not making any progress, which is why you are depressed and in a zombie status at the moment.

 

You need cash, a lot. Thing is, nobody wants to do what will make them miserable. Working hard for money is miserable. But it's impossible to say no against this, because you like everyone else, has to sacrifice yourself in order to make a living. Stop living in a dream and wake up to this reality. It's a very (and serious is an underestimation) imminent situation that you are in.

 

If you can combine your passion and making money, fantastic, but if you can't you need to get out there and get a job as soon as possible, or start your own business, or start selling your art, whatever, make money now, and make as much and as soon as possible as you can. Waste no other minute of your life other then making money. With it, you can buy your freedom. The saying money doesn't buy happiness is a lie, they should've said, maybe money doesn't make you happy, but poverty makes you miserable and unable to move around.

[ATLstudent]

Thanks for the advice....Yeah your right.