Jl321 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hey guys, so after a month of NC after my ex broke up with me, she emailed me a 10 page journal during the month basically telling me how much she loves me, misses me, how much she's been thinking about me, and how she's confused and doesn't know if she wants to be with me. The day I got the email, I texted her something about a tv show that's premiering just to see how she would react. Our small conversation was very positive and I asked her to meet me for coffee at the end of the week and ended the conversation. She texted me the next night about the same tv show. I was hesitant to answer the same day but did anyways. She then told me that she couldn't make it for coffee because she had to study for a test she's having at the end of the week. (I've taken this test with her before, it's really hard and last time it took her 4 tries to pass it. It's an all day, 5 day class with the test on Friday. Very time consuming.) I told her "no worries, you should study hard. Maybe some other time. I'm dead tired. Keep in touch and have a good night". She didn't bring up a reschedule or even a goodbye text. I feel like I ended it too fast for her to suggest a reschedule. Did I do something wrong? I feel like I've been keeping the conversations too short. Both have been no more than 4 replies. Should I text her in a couple days to plan another date or wait her for to contact me? The only possible day we could hang out this week is Friday if she's free. Saturday is Valentine's Day (lol) and Sunday I have plans. Any thoughts? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Leave it be. If she wants to see you...SHE can schedule it. Link to comment
Mari Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Any thoughts? You: How did your test go? Her: It went well, thanks for asking. You: So now that you're past that, when's the next time you're free? Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I agree with mhowe, just let it ride. This is starting to look like bread crumbs and testing the waters to see if the air is clear. But I wouldn't instantly assume bread crumbs. No doubt this test does have her focus and she may be waiting until afterwards to reschedule. Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So, I don't understand. Out of the blue she emails this 10 page journal in which she goes on and on about much she loves and misses you and you reply by text only making small talk about a TV show?? If this is right, then I think we've found your problem. Link to comment
Jl321 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 So, I don't understand. Out of the blue she emails this 10 page journal in which she goes on and on about much she loves and misses you and you reply by text only making small talk about a TV show?? If this is right, then I think we've found your problem. Lmao, I didn't even think about it but yeah. I just didn't want to have our first contact to be about our relationship. I think me contacting and trying to set up a date was just a positive follow up to her email. I'm trying to keep everything light and fun. I think she's still very sensitive to our past relationship so didn't want to bring it up. I've basically been trying to start from scratch again. Link to comment
Jl321 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 I agree with you 3 gentleman that I should wait for her. I'm very impatient sometimes. I forget this is going to take a while to get back on track. I catch myself daydreaming of her showing up at my door and acting as if we never broke up. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Lmao, I didn't even think about it but yeah. I just didn't want to have our first contact to be about our relationship. I think me contacting and trying to set up a date was just a positive follow up to her email. I'm trying to keep everything light and fun. I think she's still very sensitive to our past relationship so didn't want to bring it up. I've basically been trying to start from scratch again. There is "light and fun"...and there is oblivious. Link to comment
Jl321 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 There is "light and fun"...and there is oblivious. I don't know how I didn't notice it. Understanding women can definitely be a full time job. What course of action should I take? Maybe "I didn't want to bring it up but I got your email and it meant a lot to me. It definitely was not what I expected from it. I just don't want to talk about it all through text messages"? Or just let it be until she contacts me again? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 That horse is out of the barn at this point. And she couldn't have been more open about what she was feeling and you texted her about a TV show. As though you never got the 10 pages. Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't know how I didn't notice it. Understanding women can definitely be a full time job. What course of action should I take? Maybe "I didn't want to bring it up but I got your email and it meant a lot to me. It definitely was not what I expected from it. I just don't want to talk about it all through text messages"? Or just let it be until she contacts me again? Sit down - now - and write something similar. Send it to her as an attachment with no other comment. And by 'similar' I mean, pour your heart out. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Don't try to manipulate the situation. Send it out by tomorrow morning. It's more important that it go out soon than that it go out perfect. Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I agree that you probably need to clarify that you received and read her "journal." I don't know if a return love letter is going to have a positive impact or not, because honestly, that makes it more about you, rather than acknowledging her expressions. I'd do something in-between: I'd say, "I want you to know that I read your letter and I've been thinking a lot about it. Maybe when we get together we can talk more about how we feel." Link to comment
Maryme Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Girls very insidious, you know. Perhaps she just feels boring. I think that you should just let her go. Link to comment
Jl321 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hey everybody, quick update for you all. She texted me yesterday to meet her for coffee and I agreed and we met. It was all very positive and friendly. We told each other what we had been up to and she was impressed with all that I've accomplished over the month. She on the other hand is somewhat struggling because she thought leaving to another country would help. It didn't but she's dealing with it well. She told me "you did everything that I wanted you to do." I got teary eyed when she said that haha. (I started seeing a therapist, going out a lot and meeting people, and just overall being happy with myself. She noticed I changed for the better.) She even asked me if I was seeing anybody and quickly told me not to answer that question lol. I set another date with her on Friday. She told me she had plans with a friend so I told her not to not put me before her life (that was a major issue that lead to us breaking up). She didn't care and told me we were going out on Friday. Two things that I would call "net-positives" happened (neither positive nor negative): She told me she missed our friendship. I just nodded my head and brushed it off although it did sting. If she brings up being friends again, I'll have to be blunt with her that I'm not ok with being just friends. The other thing was, and I know it's ridiculously stupid but my emotions were going CRAZY, I tried to kiss her. I know, I know, don't bash me please. God, she's so irresistible. She didn't take it serious, more of a "we're not ready for that yet" and I brushed it off, gave her a kiss on the cheek and we both starting laughing. Well that's what happened. I still have a lot to accomplish especially in the purpose and career aspects of my life. I find myself lost with life a lot nowadays. My career (real estate) is tough to succeed in. Some things just take time and like I said before, I'm a bit impatient. Everybody, including my therapist are very surprised at all that I've accomplished in 6 weeks. I'm proud of myself too but I feel like it's not enough. I try not to pride myself in all I've done because I have so much more to do. Don't know if that's a bad thing or not. Let me know your thoughts and I'll keep the updates coming. Thank you all for all your inputs! Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 So, I am really confused now. What did she say in the 10 page journal exactly? In your OP, you gave me the impression that she told you she wanted to get back together with you, or, at least, was still in love with you etc. But her behavior in your meet up doesn't seem like that's the case at all. Did you mention that you had read what she sent? Did she bring it up? And are you two going out on Friday or is she going with her friends (not you) I'm sorry, I'm interested in your situation, but I'm having a hard time understanding it. Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Sorry, I should have read your OP again before commenting on it: She doesn't know if she wants to get back together. OK. This makes more sense now. In my opinion, if you are going out on Friday with her, then, 'steady as she goes' is my advice. I think you have a shot at this. The refused kiss and the 'friends' thing, though, are not good signs. She might be being careful herself though. But for what it's worth, I think trying to kiss her was not a mistake. She now knows what your intent is. The fact that you may see each other again after you tried to kiss her is a very positive sign, I think. Link to comment
Jl321 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Sorry, I should have read your OP again before commenting on it: She doesn't know if she wants to get back together. OK. This makes more sense now. In my opinion, if you are going out on Friday with her, then, 'steady as she goes' is my advice. I think you have a shot at this. The refused kiss and the 'friends' thing, though, are not good signs. She might be being careful herself though. But for what it's worth, I think trying to kiss her was not a mistake. She now knows what your intent isL. The fact that you may see each other again after you tried to kiss her is a very positive sign, I think. Thank you for your comment. She and I are both a bit confused. I got a head start on her since right after the break up, she just decided to leave. She took the break up hard even though she initiated it. She had to go to the hospital because of panic attacks and not being able to sleep. By the time she got back, I was already happy and moving on with my life. I'm ok with going at her own pace and taking things as slow as possible. We were together for 2 years and we rushed into it way too quickly. On top of that, we're only 20 years old. We're still figuring out ourselves although we have the same goals and ambitions in life. If we could make it 2 years on a dysfunctional relationship, I have faith we can make it 20 years on a healthy relationship. For right now, I'm just going to have fun and not get caught up in the titles and status of our relationship. Link to comment
AintEasy Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 There you go buddy. That is the right attitude. I got a head start on my ex as well. She regressed while I started working out more, found new hobbies, found my career, started seeing a therapist, studied how relationships are suppose to work, etc, etc. She is in for a huge surprise the next time she sees me. I agree on taking it at her pace. Just keep going with it and don't take it too seriously. Link to comment
Denguin Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Tread careful. I tried the exact same thing and couldn't keep my emotions in check when around her. It's a lot harder than you think it will be... Like dangling a treat in front of a dog and telling him/her to resist. Good luck, though. I hope it works out between you two. Link to comment
No1 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 JL.. just asking, this is the same girl that discovered snapchat and said it was the bomb and changed her hair and her style and as you said "going thru a rebellious phase" and you think that she has found true and deep, meaningful love after only being apart for 1 month? This is the same girl that broke up with you to see if there are other things out there and you think she went out and saw the world after 1 month? Then she writes you a 10 page disertation on her love for you but then you two talk about a tv show? Okay.. I think this girl is still very confused and because she is the same confused girl from a month ago if you two get back you two will only end up breaking up again. Nothing has changed. She wants to be with you, then doesnt want to be with you she ends up in a hospital for panic attacks,changes her hair style, color, her clothes and she is like a leaf blowing in the wind and this seems like how a normal girl would act? Call me crazy, but I dont think this girl knows what she wants at all. I think she is very very confused about what she wants. She doesnt want to be with you because she wants to see whats out there, but she wants stability and without you she doesnt have it. Link to comment
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