I guess I like her

[whoisnotalone]

Hi all,

 

I am attached with kids and got attracted to a girl in my office. It is one year now that I first saw her. She is not in my team ... for that matter we hardly get to see each other. At times she goes for lunch / coffee and happens to pass my desk. I make sure that I am on my seat when she comes back so that I get a chance to look in her eyes

 

some days she look at me some days she doesn't. I did approach her couple of times to say hi and general talks ... she has lot to say ... i guess all women do.

on some occasions i bumped her way and kind of forcefully went for a coffee ... she was normal and did not resisted at all.

 

next time when i saw her coming again with an intention to join her for coffee i reached the lift but she said "i have to make a call" .. it was evident it was not a call ... as she is not that good at lying ... anyways

 

i took that signal as RED and stopped looking at her ... for about a 15 day i did not bother where she is and when she goes for coffee / lunch etc. Then one day i could not resist looking at her and she responded with same look. that confused the hell out of me ... it started again .. i used to wait when she is back ..

after few days i got courage to ask her for a drink and she refused .. then i went to my shell again ...not looking at her .. and if i see her coming my way i would change my way and go elsewhere.

 

after a month ...deja vu ... i couldn't resist looking at her and she responded same way .... Jesus Christ ...

 

So its pretty sure that one of us is idiot ... can't say its her as she is sweet ... and a darling ... even though she might not like me ... but i like her

 

yep, she is attached ... got to know in one of the chats

 

 

really don't know what to do

[mhowe]

I would suggest working at work, leaving her alone and reconnecting with your kids and your attached.

[Capricorn3]

I am attached with kids

 

yep, she is attached ...

 

really don't know what to do

 

^ Doesn't that mean anything anymore these days? It's really disturbing how many people totally disrespect their partners and their relationships.

 

What to do? Do NOTHING. Basically, mind your own business. You have no place messing in her relationship. What about your own wife? Your children? What kind of role model is this for them? You can end up wrecking two entire families here. As it is, she doesn't seem interested (thankfully), so that alone should be your cue to back off and stay off. Focus on your own marriage.

[HeartGoesOn]

yep, she is attached ... got to know in one of the chats

 

 

really don't know what to do

 

She's attached, you're attached. What part of that do you not understand?

 

I absolutely agree with "Cap."

[Rosti87]

She may be attracted to you but she is behaving herself. You need to do the same. I think it is important to respect committed relationships. If you don't like your relationship get out of it. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it as well.

[Sarah691607309662]

OP, I am familiar with this scenario. We can not help getting attracted to people. For me personally the best way to figure it out is to learn as much as I can about this "crush". When we do not know a thing, we keep fantasizing and our mind fills in blanks and it is just fuels attraction more. Wen you know a person, it stops being that perfect. It has a grounding effect.

 

Those stares mean nothing. If I would think that every man at work who looks into my eyes while passing me is interested, then all men at work are very interested. See, what is important - it is not her, but your interest. When we are interested we tend to misinterpret everything.

 

Here is a perfect example. I had a conversation with a male coworker about very personal topic. During this conversation this male coworker showed all engaged body language and he touched my hand couple of times to express his understanding and care. I touched his hand back to express my acceptance and gratitude for his care. Next day this male coworker told me that he was thinking about me another night. I told him "thank you, I appreciate your compassion. It makes a difference." We hugged. Now does it sound like he is hitting on me? I am taking his words for a face value and I think he was just really offering me his support. However, if I had a crush on him, then I would interpret all this absolutely differently.

 

There is another male coworker who eats lunch with me every day. He talks, I listen. Does he like me? He looks at me and I can see he assesses my mood. Is it because he likes me or because he is just a sensitive man who collects information about his surroundings? I prefer to think the second because I do not have a crush on him. But if I had a crush on him, I would think, that he might be interested.

 

And finally there is one man at work, to whom unfortunately I do feel attraction. I feel tension, I see stares, I see body language, I think about his words to me. His questions carry a deep meaning to me. he checks my mood as well. He does observe me. He remembers little things I said. I prefer to think that he likes me. But honestly... how much different he is from all others? Not so much. It can not be possible that everyone has a crush on me.

 

MY advice is to detach. It is safer and it will work for you more than if you start pursuing her.