Never had a bf/Feels Inexperienced.

[pherb]

As far as dating/relationships go, does anyone else feel to old to bother? I'm 18 and I've never had a bf EVER. I've never even kissed a guy. Had serveral opportunities too, but declined because I've always felt way too inexperienced and its embarrassing. People are also stunned when I tell them this, because I'm not that ugly, i'm not very anti-social, and I don't come off as the kind of person who hasn't ever had a date.

 

I'm also totally fine around most guys I meet, except when I feel things might start to move beyond "just being friends", thats when I start to keep my distance from that person, even if I might actually like him. Only because I'm too embarrassed.

 

I also have a question, Are guys turned off by girls that are inexperienced? They seem to be. And another thing, is being 18 and never having a bf or even kissed a guy really that bad?? I'm starting college this fall. Are there any ppl there like me? I guess I'll just be alone for the rest of my life.

[Caldus]

Are guys turned off by girls that are inexperienced?

 

I think that if a guy rejects you because he thinks you're inexperienced, then he isn't the right guy to be with in the first place.

 

And another thing, is being 18 and never having a bf or even kissed a guy really that bad?? I'm starting college this fall.

 

Nope I know several people from my university who have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's perfectly normal. I think people place way too much importance in life on their relationships and I realized a long time ago that it''s just frustrating to place so much importance on something that isn't everything in life you know?

 

Besides, you will be having a lot of fun in college. You probably won't be worrying about the whole boyfriend thing that much once you meet more people in college. I'm not saying to go out and party all the time, but there are definitely a lot of other fun things to do in college that can get your mind off of this stuff.

 

Are there any ppl there like me? I guess I'll just be alone for the rest of my life.

 

I've never been in a long term relationship and I'm in my second year of college. I was thinking like you were last semester but not anymore. I think I found some peace in being single. Don't get too hung up on the whole relationship thing. Even if you ever did get into a relationship, you would still want to be able to enjoy life apart from the relationship. So concentrate on those things for now. Most people out there are not going to be compatible with you but at the same time look out for possible opportunities.

[ayekasong]

I didn't have my first boyfriend until the end of my sophomore year of college. As you start to mature, you'll be able to find yourself more comfortable around guys you like. I know how you feel because I also felt like there was no point when I was 18 and never had a boyfriend.

 

Your time will come.

[pherb]

Well its not that I don't feel "comfortable" around them. I can feel totally comfortable around a particular guy, its just that I have always felt embarrassed about having never done anything.

 

For example...Having never kissed a guy.

 

I wouldn't even know if I was doing it right. I'd feel like a total dumba**. Its stuff like that, that I never learned how to do. And I can't find someone who is equally inexperienced becaused I've never liked the goody guys.

[Caldus]

Well you gotta start somewhere.

 

My first kiss was horrible but after that they went good. You just have to go with the flow of things and try not to go against the flow.

[red12]

Know I would not be turnoff cause the girl I like is inexpericened. I think just as long as that person respects her wishes and goes at her pace. I would just go at her pace and not rush any thing.

[69_king]

For example...Having never kissed a guy.

 

I wouldn't even know if I was doing it right. I'd feel like a total dumba**. Its stuff like that, that I never learned how to do.

 

Not necessarily. I was 20 the first time I kissed a girl and I had never thought about kissing before, like how to kiss or what I'm supposed to do. And the girl was like "Wow, where did you learn to do that? Have you been taking lessons?"

 

So, you never know, you may be good. Anyway, there is a whole kissing forum here for you to learn from.

[mtastic]

Don't worry about inexperience, i didn't have my first girlfriend or even my first kiss until I was 21. For me it did feel a little awkward, but she didn't seem to have a problem with my inexperience. Like someone said before, if they reject you because of inexperience, they weren't right for you to begin with. You're definitely not the only person starting college without any relationship experience, so don't worry. If you look through the old posts in the archives, you'll find plkenty of entries by people older than you who have the same concerns. Just remember: it takes time to find the right person, we all need that little reminder once in a while.

 

Hope that helped,

mtastic

[Caldus]

Yeah there are plenty of threads in these forums where people in their 20's and 30's are having the same problem as you. You're sure as heck not alone.

[traz]

as a guy, having an inexperienced gf definitely wouldn't bother me. In fact, it may make me more comfortable. Having a girl MORE experienced would bother me more probably.

[Caldus]

Kissing isn't really as hard as you think it is. It's really simple. The only way you can mess up with it is if you think too hard about it. "Just do it" as they always say.

[ShySoul]

I'm about to hit 22 and I've never had a girlfirend, date, or kiss. If you look around this site there are plenty of people who are in the same position. So you are not alone. I know how frustrating and discouraging it can be. But it's not something to be discouraged about and you certainly will not be alone for the rest of your life. The right person just hasn't come into your life that makes you comfortable enough to take that chance. It will happen and when it does you'll enjoy every second.

 

I would actually love a girl who is somewhat inexperienced. The idea of knowing that she has waited for the right moment and that I am the one she is willing to open up to is very flattering. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who feel the same way. Plus, in my case, we could enjoy the newness of the situation together, share the awkward and pleasent sensations as they happen for the first time. Any guy who would not like you because of this is being a jerk and isn't worth your time. A guy should like you for you, not how much experience you have.

 

Honestly, I think you are feeling a little scared about opening your heart in that way. Guys are showing interest in you but you say you pull away. Why? If they are interested there opinion of you shouldn't change because you've never has a relationship. And even if it does, that's their problem and you shouldn't take it personally. If you want a relationship then you should take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves. Follow your heart and do what you feel is best. If you like someone, don't be afraid to put your heart out there. If you simply haven't found someone that you want to be with, don't feel discouraged. You'll find that relationship when the time is right.

[wagthedog]

I never had a date or kissed a girl until I was 22 I have been in three bery serious relationship since then and just ending the third one now and feel like I will never find another but ya know what time helps and i personaly would find it very attractive in a girl if she was inexperenced

[corvidae]

I'm 26, and I've never had a girlfriend. My first kiss was when I was 20. I was probably rubbish, but unless you're with someone very very judgemental then they won't really care. Even good kissers give rubbish kisses sometimes! With every passing year I feel as if I'm getting closer to the point of no return. At 26 women often expect you to be experienced and 'good in bed'. However, I probably stink in bed, but without experience how do you get better! And without getting better how do you get confidence? I think it is possible to be alone forever, but at 18 you're way way too young to worry about that. At 18 I had not spoken to a girl in 8 years, let alone kissed one (I went to an all boys school from the age of ten, as is the fashion in the UK). Honestly, boys at your age won't have much experience either, so the best thing to do is to accept the next offer from a guy and have fun 'learning new things'. Life, after all, is about learning! If you reach 26 and you're like me, then you can worry!

[69_king]

You know what's scary? Being 26 and knowing people my age and younger who are married! I still want to have some fun first. I still feel like I'm 20.

[Caldus]

corvidae,

 

To have more confidence, one must realize that getting a girlfriend or getting a kiss is not a major purpose in life. Certainly not true. Gaining confidence will help you forever in the long run. Gaining confidence will not only help you with women, but it will help you with every day struggles you may have in life or fears you still have that you cannot break. Confidence is a very abstract concept and does not only apply to getting a relationship. So read up on some articles on confidence and conquer your fears regarding social situations as well as every day struggles in life.

 

Don't make the no-having-a-boyfriend/girlfriend issue such a big issue people! Life is meant to be enjoyable regardless of whether or not you're single! And you know the single life can very fun too. Get out more, get new some new hobbies, and stop searching so hard for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Work on your confidence. Don't work on your confidence just for luck with guys/girls, but for life! You will be happy with yourself in the long run for doing so. Most relationships don't last, but your confidence will if you work on it!

[corvidae]

Actually I don't find confidence to be an all or nothing thing. In many respects I have a great deal of confidence. I have confidence in dealing with people, in my sense of humour, in my intelligence. When I go for job interviews my confidence is something that is frequently commented on. I've been the life of a party on more than one occasion. But I have confidence in my humour because I make people laugh, and I have confidence in my intelligence because of my qualifications and the exams and tests I've done, but when it comes to the opposite sex I have no confidence because all I've ever had is negativity. You can't build a house on sand, and you can't build confidence if all you have is woe. I AM a strong person. But even strong people have weaknesses, and this is mine.

[single4good]

Couldn't say it any better myself corvidae! Yeah I agree at 18 I wouldn't be too worried. Most people have not had much experience at this age. I am a 24 yr old male and have been single my entire life and like corvidae said had mostly negative experiences with females but I still remain happy and just get on with life. Hopefully one day something will come my way but until then I am just going to make do with what I have.

[Caldus]

corvidae, a possible reason why you continue have problems with the opposite sex is that you make it a problem. Everything else in your life is going great and you feel like you can accomplish anything. All of the sudden you tell yourself how unconfident you are with women. Work on trying not to convince yourself that you're unconfident with women because you will continue to have bad experiences with women if you think you will.

[koolaidnovel]

Poster, I'm in the same situation. I'm 17, never kissed, never dated, and never had a boyfriend. And I've been told that I'm pretty, and I feel I'm confident in myself. It does suck sometimes if you think too hard about it or if you are constantly surrounded by friends who are coupled up. But I try to forget about it and look to the future, because I know my time will come...so maybe you can try to think that too.

[cooldude1234]

I am my current girlfriend's first boyfriend. It's kind of hard sometimes, but she's catching on. I do really like teaching her stuff, it's kind of fun.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you communicate a lot with your boyfriend, you shouldn't have any problems.

 

Kissing's just fun... no reason to make it into this huuuuge nervous thing.

 

One thing I have noticed about lots of girls who haven't had boyfriends before is that they don't show the guy they like that they like them. They often expect the guy to make the first move and leave them wondering... a little tooo much, which isn't always optimal.

 

regards

[69_king]

corvidae, a possible reason why you continue have problems with the opposite sex is that you make it a problem. Everything else in your life is going great and you feel like you can accomplish anything. All of the sudden you tell yourself how unconfident you are with women. Work on trying not to convince yourself that you're unconfident with women because you will continue to have bad experiences with women if you think you will.

 

Yes, thats true. You need to start thinking of yourself as a great catch and, as bad as it might sound, you need to think that you are better than the girls you are asking out. (Like they should want to be with you instead of you wanting to be with them) Not that that is really true, but you need to convince yourself of it. So that asking a girl out feels just the same as going into a store and ordering a pizza. So that when a girl turns you down its like the guy saying "Sorry Sir, we're out of pizza" and you're like "Oh well, big deal! I'll just go to the next store" Because you are not so serious about it. And because of that then when a girl does accept your offer then you will not suddenly be like "Oh My God, I'm gonna marry this girl".

 

Basically, you just need to think "I'm great" and don't take dating any more seriously than any other daily activity. I know this is hard, I have the same problem because I respect the girls too much. So you kind of need to brainwash yourself.

Good Luck!

[Caldus]

Don't fake confidence, have confidence. It will do you good in the long run. Be a good catch. Know that it would be a priviledge for any girl to be with you. All of you guys in this thread are wonderful people and any girl would be lucky to have you guys (including me) and you know that. Don't give girls too much respect. Instead, realize how great you are and then think about 69_king's pizza delivery analogy. It's a good one.

[heartsalmonheart]

I'm in uni and I haven't had a bf. I had my first kiss with a random guy in a club, which was really spontaneous but all the insecurities I had weren't a problem. I've kissed guys since then but I'm fed up of "pulling in clubs" I just situation where the guy is a friend and then hopefully things develop.

 

I think just wait til the time is right- thats what I'm gonna do. I mean its hard cos my group of friends are overtly sex-minded and everything is about who's with who, but its ur life at the end of the day. why get emtional scars from no hopers when you can wait that extra bit longer for someone who's right.

 

xx heart.salmon.heart xx

[Caldus]

Im 23 and never had a bf

but if i ever find someone id want it to be with someone who didnt care about that stuff, it should be no big deal if they really like you.

Someone asked me a really good q before :

do you really want a bf because you really do want one or bc you think other people want you to have one? or they will look down on you if you dont have one? I think just do everything in your own time and bugger everyone else. In the end its your life not theirs.

And if you really do want a bf you have to put yourself out there as everyone says (im not up to that bit yet) the thought is scary! But it is the only way!

Good Luck 18 is still young!

 

I agree here. Do you really want to deal with someone who has an issue with that in the first place? Who cares if you've never been in a relationship. There are some people out there who have been in so many relationships but still don't know how to do things right in a relationship. If you want a quality relationship with someone in the future then you need to develop confidence in yourself. You need to stop feeling like you need a relationship because in reality no one does. People think they do because they are pressured by friends or have low self-esteem and need someone to fulfill them emotionally. This is unhealthy and needs to change. Solving whatever personal issues you have first will prevent so many conflicts in future relationships.