He Wont leave me alone!!

[gift from the gods]

Ok well i went out with this guy AGES ago, when i was about 11 (im 15 now) and now its good because we are friends ect. but he KEEPS pressuring me! He is into drugs/raves ect. all that sort of stuf and he would NEVER pressure me into doing drugs or smoking but he askes me EVERYDAY to go round his house and complains if i dont, he phones me all the time and is leaving txt messages on my phone, when i dont mind seeing him, i do like to have a 'outside' life that doesnt involve him! i feel SO pressured by him to go and see him and go out with him, and he gets all angry if i say no! what do i do as ive TRYED to tell him that i dont want to!!! its driving me !!!

Thank you!

xx

[BellaDonna]

He sounds like a pain......

 

ive TRYED to tell him

 

What did you say to him?

 

I think the first thing he needs to know is that you like being his friend, but you're an independent person with a busy schedule so it's not possible for you to be at his beckon call every time he wants you to see him. Friendships are suppsoed to be pleasant and mutual. Another thing that should be establised is that his nagging behavior will not result in his desired outcome (you going to see him). Every time you visit him as a result of one of his pressuring/nagging behavior- such as the text messages- you are REWARDING that behavior, so it tells him it's ok- and that's how he can get you to go see him. If possible, ignore the nagging and show him that it is a waste of time because it WON'T get you to see him...it will bring about just the opposite...you ignoring him. If he gets mad over it- that's immature- don't act on his immaturity.

 

The other thing- if he can't handle reason or get the message- he doesn't own you and you don't owe him anything- so you have every right to make up excuses. Tell him you're doing homeowrk, spending time with family, seeing other friends, takign a nap, you're grounded- whatever you have to say shut him up.... But persoanlly I don't even think he's entitled to an excuse because you should not have to answer to him anyways.

 

It doesn't sound like a healthy friendship. This person sounds like he might have some issues....with the drugs, etc. If he is pressuring you, acting angry at you, aggravating you, or making you feel uncomfortable then distancing yourself is probably a good idea.

 

BellaDonna

[bouldersweden]

This guy sounds like he's developing some emotional control issues. For example: he calls and wants you to come over. You don't really want to so you decline and he maybe over reacts to the situation, you get caught off guard and go over there because he made you feel like a big jerk.

It's probably not malicious on his part, but it's not something that you have to deal with. Set some ground rules by showing him what you will and won't accept from him. Above all NEVER FEEL GUILTY. It's the most worthless and unnecessarry emotion around and it generally makes you do things you never wanted to do in the first place.

I hope this helps.