22 year old guy into 14 year old girls

[lady00]

My friends sometimes act strangely but I still love them. That's fine BUT your friend is not acting a little strange he's acting very abnormally and this could potentially lead to him doing something wrong. Just because you're not going to have kids for a while doesn't take away from the fact that you wouldn't let your kids near him if you did have any. That should be a red flag. Why would you want friends that you wouldn't want around your family in the future? It's the principle...it doesn't matter if you have kids right now or not but the idea that you wouldn't let him be around your kids should tell you something about his character. You say that true friends are always there for each other but do true friends act innapropriately and embarrass their friends in public? You say that you wouldn't just abandon him now but you wouldn't let him hand around your family if you had kids? I don't understand at all why you are so loyal to this person. If he embarrasses you so much in public and acts immorally when you're around, don't you think he's being disrespectful? I guess my question is: why are you such a true friend to someone who doesn't seem to think about your interests and feelings when he does these innapropriate things? Don't you deserve the same respect that you're showing him?

[Amethyst]

I'm not suggesting you will become perverted -- I'm suggesting that you may just wind up more entangled in his behavior than you mean to.

 

Aside from that, my opinion stands. If you expect him to change his behavior then you need to be willing to take a stand to help create that change.

 

Just because you don't like what I'm saying doesn't make it any less true. Take a look back over this thread -- pretty much everyone is voicing the exact same opinion.

[PrincessLinzay]

I can understand your wanting to be loyal to your friend, however, as we are close in age, I can say this......

 

If I had a friend who was attracted to 14 year old boys, I would not only attempt to speak with them, but if the perversity didn't stop, I would cut them off.

 

It doesn't make you an unloyal friend, it makes you smart. When someone is doing something you don't like, you don't have to accept that. It goes against your beliefs.

 

Sadly, there are men out there, who were probably once in your position. They later find out that the "friend of the family" has molested their daughter. I just don't want you to ever find yourself in that position, or any of your other friends for that matter.

 

Oh, and on a side note, as he gets older and older, and his predilection for young girls continues, it gets worse and worse, and people will look at him more and more disdainfully. Just a forewarning.

[Amethyst]

Drahcir,

 

I want to apologize for offending you with my prior posts -- that was never my intent. I was in a hurry and I probably didn't explain myself clearly.

 

You are right when you say that true friends are loyal. But, true friends do not stand idly by while their friend does something wrong / unhealthy / potentially harmful. A true friend is one who will confront you when you do something you shouldn't and will try to make you see the error of your ways. True friends sometimes have to tell the other person things they don't want to hear.

 

If you want to be a true friend, then the best way to do that is not by avoiding the issue and standing by him no matter what. The best way to show how much you care is by taking him aside and talking to him. Start out by telling him that you truly care about him and that's WHY you're having this chat with him. Explain that he makes you uncomfortable when he hits on young girls. Tell him that you've noticed others giving him disdainful looks because of what he's doing. You can even tell him that it bothers you enough that you wouldn't want him around your own children, if you had any. Then, if you are willing to take the step, tell him that it's such an important issue that you aren't sure you can continue being his friend if he continues to do it.

 

If *he* is *your* true friend, he will listen to what you say and really think about things. He might even realize how right you are and intentionally begin to tone down his behavior. If he doesn't, then that is the point when you have to follow through and stop hanging out with him (if that's what you tell him).

 

I'll admit that it may not change his behavior, but it also MIGHT. Don't you think it's worth it if there's even the slightest chance? And, remember, if he isn't willing to stop acting in a way that makes you uncomfortable, then *he* is the one who isn't the true friend.

[peanut15]

if he was 29 and they were 20, would this be a problem?

[Amethyst]

if he was 29 and they were 20, would this be a problem?

 

No offense, but what's your point? You can't play "what if" because he isn't and they aren't.

 

After all, if you want to play that game -- if he was 18 and they were 9, would this be a problem?