1 year later, still feelings of resentment.

[Wolf123]

You can read a little bit of backstory about my relationship with my ex in my previous posts, so I will spare you guys the whole story. But long story short: Ex in class, is currently dating another girl with school with whom we share classes with. We're both in our twenties.

 

So I realised that a few days ago it was exactely a year since we broke up. NC is very difficult since we work on projects together and share mutual friends. I thought I was finally getting over him, but occasionally feelings of resentment flare up again, especially when I see the two of them together. I was always pretty proud that I did not hold any grudges toward his 'new' girlfriend, but that is slowly disappearing (I'm ashamed to admit). The biggest reason is that she knows I'm an ex of his, yet at school and during lunchbreaks they are constantly clinging to each other, she is sitting on his lap every single day and they are almost giving each other massages right in front of me and the rest. Or she is hanging/leaning on to him like wanting to remind everybody that he is hers or that she is his prize. Today my ex was explaining something about a program to an other classmate of mine and yet again she was hanging from his shoulders.

 

To me this looks like a really desperate and clingy relationship, and what hurts the most is that he seems happier with a girl that wants to kiss the ground he is walking on than with someone who is a bit more realistic about relationships. He has changed into someone I do not recognise and I feel like such a fool for ever having been his girlfriend. A lot of people know I dated him and to see him flaunting around his new girl has really bruised my ego, I must admit, and made me feel like a failure in the relationship department.

 

It also doesn't help that a good friend of mine suddenly started spending a lot of time with him and his girlfriend, while a few months ago I remember her telling me how much he acted like a douche. So information about how his relationship is doing has become almost impossible for me to avoid.

 

It really hurts that he disrespects me like that (since he broke up with me out of the blue). I'm not really bothered by the fact that he has a new relationship, but this really feels like rubbing it in my face or doing an act for the entire school, like they want to show just how happy they are. When I was with him we kept the PDA's low, only kissing each other as a greeting or sometimes holding hands, but I didn't want to do more than that since I don't feel comfortable with PDA's. (I think it's a rather immature way of showing affection for each other, atleast at school.)

 

I'm shocked about how much an impact this has been having on me. I never imagined myself as a person who spends so much time thinking about a douchebag who does not even deserve my attention. But it feels like I don't get the time to process my feelings about the whole ordeal, since I have to deal with this situation at an almost daily basis. It feels like the relationship with me has meant nothing to him (While we had lots of good times) and I know for a fact that he even started to dislike me after we had a silly argument about what computer at school was ours. I'm just shocked how much a person can change in a year.

[mhowe]

He likely hasn't changed...what has changed is your perception of him. You didn't like PDA...so you guys didn't do it. Most insecure guys love it...strokes their ego.

 

He wasn't a great bf...and it likely won't last. Try to rise above it. It certainly isn't a reflection on you.

[catfeeder]

Chalk it up to their desperation for attention, and let it roll off of you. The more unfazed you appear, the more frustrated they will likely become--so smile a lot, look right through their behavior as though you don't notice, and let them keep making fools of themselves.

 

Meanwhile, find another focus to absorb your attention. You're in charge of how well you can minimize this rather than expand it. So you've written it off your chest and can now choose to liberate yourself from it. Good work!

 

Head high.

[Wolf123]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It's a pretty late reply to your comments, but I didn't really know what to write back. It feels good to vent every now and then. Luckily we had a long break at school, so I didn't have to face them so often. But since school started I have yet to face them again.

 

I don't think his girlfriend is doing it for malicious reasons, she doesn't know me that well, but her clinginess really aggravates me. I've nicknamed her the 'Human scarf' since she is always 'draped' around his neck. (I've never told anyone that, but it pops up in my mind whenever I see her.) They seem less lovey dovey than a few months ago, (Thank God) but since she is always hanging on to him (I never see him being so clingy with her) I can't help but think she has a lack of self-respect. My ex has a huge ego, and seeing someone being so icky with him must give his ego a big boost. It's pathetic really and I know I should just let it slide off me, but it's not helping that I'm also losing my 'friend' to him.

 

Although I don't really consider her to be my friend anymore. She is prone to outbursts of anger and is a very negative person. Weird thing is, she was really supportive of me and I was supportive of her in the first two years of our education. She went through a lot of heartbreak as well. She loved a guy at school who did not love her back etc. It's a long story. Anyway, this guy she came to love, who was also a friend of mine, sadly passed away in a traffic accident and I was the one who told her that he had died. She said how extremely grateful she was of me to come and tell her that since no one at school even gave her notice of what had happened (not even my ex, who she considered to be a douchebag). But when school started she suddenly hung around my ex and his girlfriend an awful lot. We haven't talked properly in weeks while she is out doing a lot of fun stuff with them. She knew how much he had hurt me and now all of a sudden she is big buds with him? I feel like every person I've come to know as a friend has turned into a backstabbing bastard by now I know I have no right to tell her who she should hang out with, but with her knowing how much my ex ignored me and disrespected me, this really feels like some sort of betrayal. I can't shake the feeling off.

 

I know it looks like i'm not making any progress, but my anger and hate have turned into annoyance, with the occasional flare of anger, but luckily it doesn't stay for long.