Regrets for not going for it...

[al7]

Kyoshiro Ogari:

If she rejected me, I would've been hurt badly and probably taken months to recover... but I would've been over it now because I knew I didn't have a chance. But not knowing that you may have a potential girlfriend at your fingertips is downright awful!

 

1. I hope you do what you preach.

Do you approach girls in stores\malls etc?

How do you start a convo?

 

2. I believe that we approach girls not out of our fear of regret. No!

We all want something and that something is positive. We do it out of positive intentions not out of fear. If you do it out of fear all the time, you would eventually get overwhelmed with the amount of fear...

[al7]

ShySoul:

 

But if you say nothing then you'll always wonder what could have happened and if you would have had a chance.

---

Lets start from simple. So, what is a good, perfect maybe opener?

[al7]

Ceema-k:

 

If you took the leap and asked that girl out, it would have been intensely stressful for you, no matter how it would've played out.

---

Let me remind you one thing: if I know what to say, I'd feel way less.. almost no pain. Of course I can reach that cuz no one know what she'll say next, but at least I can prepare a good opener.

Guys! What is the good opener (after "Hi, how r ya")?

 

That's why people always say to not take rejection personally. That cute girl who turned you down for a coffee date? She didn't reject you. Why's that? Well, because She Just Doesn't Know. Right? She doesn't know jack about who you are. Should you still feel bad? Why not, it's only natural to feel bad whenever we dont' get what we want.

---

It seem a bit misleading to say "she didnt reject you". We have to have cacurate info, so she did reject you based on your looks (or on what you said which is less likely or she has a bf).

I'd never approach over pretty girl, it doesn male sense to me: even if I'd get a date, she'll never settle down for an average Joe and I doubt she'll settel down at all. So we have to choose.. appropriate level of cuteness to make sure it is possible for her to answer positively.

[LycosV]

We have a winner! Kyoshiro, ShySoul, and Ceema-k nailed it, the pain from rejection stops, the pain from regret never goes away. Back when I was in high school there was a girl who I had known my entire life. After so many years, I developed feelings for her, I moved in a little and the signs were good, but you know what I did after that? I let the friendship, and anything that was there dissintigrate. I got scared and I backed off. I lost probably the best friend I'd ever had because I was a wuss. I regret it to this day, probably seven years later. If I had asked her and been rejected would I be thinking about her now? Not a chance.

 

I think it's a part of being shy, we think "What if?" about everything. Only after you've been accepted/rejected can you move on. Otherwise you're in limbo for the rest of your life.

 

al7: There is no perfect oppener, you've got to wing it. It's based on the situation. "Hi", or "How's it going" is a little hollow, everyone says that walking down the street. If you've got nothing else, try introducing yourself, stick out your hand and raise an eyebrow, "Hey, al7, you?"

[al7]

LycosV

al7: There is no perfect oppener,

---

I know. Agree. Just some openers are better then the others.

"Hi do you think I need dark glass?.. why? cuz your beauty shines that much I can see anything expect you" is definitely worse than "Hi.. I like your bracelet\boots. Where did you get it?"

Im looking for some good ones, not perfect ones.

 

you've got to wing it.

---

I am very bad at "wings". I mind goes blank since I dont have a topic to talk about...I gotta do my homework and start with a good opener.

 

It's based on the situation.

---

Most situation are like this: she is walking slowly... maybe looking for something. Here is the situation for you. Please give me a couple of good openers

 

"Hi", or "How's it going" is a little hollow, everyone says that walking down the street. If you've got nothing else, try introducing yourself, stick out your hand and raise an eyebrow, "Hey, al7, you?"

---

I guess it is a bit too "aggressive" and not natural for her. She might be a bit scared by direct invitation to state her name. Besides, I gotta continue and say somethign next... some sort of topic... you know, there is not topic just in my or her name.

[69_king]

the pain from rejection stops, the pain from regret never goes away.

 

Not actually true. The pain from regret goes away once you meet someone else.

 

In fact, it is possible to look at regret as better than rejection. Think about it:

 

If you go for it and you are rejected then that may stop you from asking the next person out because you assume you will be rejected again.

 

BUT...

 

If you don't go for it and feel regret then the next time you meet someone you will definitely not want to screw up again so there is a greater chance that you will go for it. It feels like a second chance (or third, or fourth ) And that opportunity to make up for your inaction in the past will definitely spur you on.

[corvidae]

You know, I heard someone once say something that sounded wise at the time. It was: "It's not the times you made a fool of yourself that you remember, it's the times you never tried." Yup, that's the sort of wise sounding sound-bite that folk hear then try to live their lives by, my only gripe with it is that it isn't true. I remember every single time I was rejected, going back over eight years. The times, the person, how it happened and how I felt. I would be very hard pressed to remember a time I didn't try, just because, well, it wasn't that much of an event. For some people, and yes I realise that this does not cover everyone, being rejected is the worst thing that can happen. No I can't 'just forget about it', no it doesn't make me a stronger person, and yes it does make approaching the next person much much harder.

[Caldus]

I never take rejections personally. Mainly because in most cases the girl will say she is already seeing someone else or she is not ready for dating at the moment. And I will respect that and move on. It's nothing personal. She just happens to be with someone else or she just happens to not be interested in dating anyone right now. It's not a big deal. You really should try not to take it personally if they reject you. It doesn't mean you suck. If anything it's their loss so let them deal with it. You be the prize, not them.