My BF makes jokes/comments that I feel are disrespectful

[ltadsfs7]

As said in the title, my bf makes jokes/comments that I feel are disrespectful to me, and they make me feel embarrassed when he says them in front of other people.

 

For example, last night while we were at happy hour with our co-workers (we work together), he and a few other people started talking about dating and first dates...His joking comment was, "I usually text them and tell them to make sure to have condoms, that way it sets the tone for expectation..."...About 30 minutes later, I overheard him saying something about having hookers in his apartment.

 

I realize he is joking, but I find it embarrassing that he makes comments as if he were single...I also realize I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, but I don't understand how he thinks these are acceptable things to say...If we were joking between the 2 of us, that would be a little different...but these are responses to people in conversations that I'm not a part of...I just hear the things he says.

 

So my questions are:

 

Should I bother bringing it up?

Am I reading too deeply into this?

Is this a sign that he doesn't take me seriously, or is this just him being a man and "not thinking"?

 

Any advice would be helpful.

[mhowe]

How old are you and how long have you been together?

 

I think he is trying to sound like something he isn't....a man.

[ltadsfs7]

How old are you and how long have you been together?

 

I think he is trying to sound like something he isn't....a man.

 

 

We have a 14 year age gap...I am 24, he is 38...Doesn't have the best history of relationships, and I'm starting to think this might be why.

 

We've been together for nearly 8 months now (which is the longest relationship he's had in years).

[mhowe]

I wouldn't call this "being a man and not thinking".

 

This is boorish behavior... And who he is.

 

I am thinking at age 24 you can do much better than this lout.

[ltadsfs7]

I wouldn't call this "being a man and not thinking".

 

This is boorish behavior... And who he is.

 

I am thinking at age 24 you can do much better than this lout.

 

 

Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel the same...It's disappointing.

[mhowe]

Be glad it is only 8 months and not 8 years.

 

Time to exit stage left.

[DancingFool]

Yeash....at 38 he knows what he is saying very well. Long past time for you to walk.

 

Never ever treat a relationship like some kind of an investment where the longer you stay, the better. Dating is a test of suitability. He has been showing you for some time that he does not make a suitable partner. Only reason you are his longest relationship to date is because you are willing to put up with bad things more than an average woman - that's not a compliment to you, that's a problem. Take away a lesson from this to run faster and not waste months. Life is short even though you are only 24. Every moment that you are spending dedicated to a jerk, is a lost opportunity to meet a man who is worthwhile and would treat you well.

[ltadsfs7]

Yeash....at 38 he knows what he is saying very well. Long past time for you to walk.

 

Never ever treat a relationship like some kind of an investment where the longer you stay, the better. Dating is a test of suitability. He has been showing you for some time that he does not make a suitable partner. Only reason you are his longest relationship to date is because you are willing to put up with bad things more than an average woman - that's not a compliment to you, that's a problem. Take away a lesson from this to run faster and not waste months. Life is short even though you are only 24. Every moment that you are spending dedicated to a jerk, is a lost opportunity to meet a man who is worthwhile and would treat you well.

 

A part of me feel like I'm overreacting, but the other says that I am truly being disrespected, and I don't deserve to have to deal with this...Other than the things he says, every other aspect of our relationship is going really well

 

This just sucks.

[DancingFool]

Yeah....our relationship is really great, except that he has zero respect for me.... Come on, you ought to know better than that. Raise your standards.

[Rainbow1]

Hmm yeah it sounds as if he's insecure and needs to make these jokes to mask an insecurity and come accross entertaining.

 

Is he insecure? Doesn't that show up in your relationship generally, or is it only something you notice around other people?

 

If it were me, I would definitely bring it up. It would be off-putting to many girls so you're not overreacting.

[Snny]

So why is a young person like yourself with a guy who is almost in his 40's? His maturity level is just awful for a person his age that I suspect he has severe socialization issues.

 

Men his age don't change. Please let him go.

[ltadsfs7]

Hmm yeah it sounds as if he's insecure and needs to make these jokes to mask an insecurity and come accross entertaining.

 

Is he insecure? Doesn't that show up in your relationship generally, or is it only something you notice around other people?

 

If it were me, I would definitely bring it up. It would be off-putting to many girls so you're not overreacting.

 

 

He can come off as cocky, but in a joking way...However, judging from certain things he does, I can tell (like most of us) that he has certain things he isn't the most confident about...All of the inappropriate jokes/comments only come out around other people.

 

I brought this up last night while we were laying in bed...I did it very calmly and just pointed out how these things aren't typically said by a man who is in a respected relationship, and that they made me feel uncomfortable, hurt, and embarrassed...He apologized and said he didn't realize it bothered me, and he had been a bachelor for so long, it was just the way he joked and it didn't really occur to him that he shouldn't say them...He then said he really appreciates the reminder, and he doesn't want me to keep things like that from him.

 

He was very understanding, so at least now he knows this is something that bothers me...I feel like this isn't something I should have had to point out, but at the same time, I can't fault somebody for something they aren't aware of.

 

Regardless, if this continues to happen, that's just not something I'm willing to put up with.

[Natasha24]

Yeash....at 38 he knows what he is saying very well. Long past time for you to walk.

 

Never ever treat a relationship like some kind of an investment where the longer you stay, the better. Dating is a test of suitability. He has been showing you for some time that he does not make a suitable partner. Only reason you are his longest relationship to date is because you are willing to put up with bad things more than an average woman - that's not a compliment to you, that's a problem. Take away a lesson from this to run faster and not waste months. Life is short even though you are only 24. Every moment that you are spending dedicated to a jerk, is a lost opportunity to meet a man who is worthwhile and would treat you well.

 

I was going to say exactly this.

 

From your first post, I was thinking he was 21 or 22. But at 38, he knows damn well what he's saying and he knows what it implies if other people hear it. Like others have said, you're only 24. You can do better than this. Don't waste any more time on this guy. It's only been 8 months, it's better to get out now before you get any deeper into this relationship.

[Unreasonable]

It sounds like he has a terrible sense of "humor." I'd talk to him about it and see how he reacts.