sadeyes Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 So i am about to go back to college and i am finding that i am torn between being a good girl and trying the dating thing and being the wild child who drinks and has sex all the time. At the beginning of the year, i did the wild child thing and it was great! But now, i am kinda feeling lonely and i think that if i focused on other things i wouldnt feel like this. I have a crush on a guy that lives on my floor and there is a good possibility that things would work out...Problem is, everyone on the floor knows of my sexual escapades and i dont know if that is a deal breaker. I mean, if i was with him i would never cheat. I just enjoy sex...and if i was with him we would hopefully be having it. It definitely wouldnt be a huge deal if he didnt want to though. Alright...enough rambling...basically all i want to know is if the wild child reputation is ruining my chances with future boyfriends. Should i "live life to the fullest," or settle down and look for a boyfriend? Link to comment
tino Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 The only way to find out is to go for it and see what happens. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 If you're trying to hook up with someone from your hall (or possibly any other hall), then yes it may be difficult to get a boyfriend. It's really up to you. Like the previous poster said, the only way to know is to try. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 u know what u want for yourself. there is nothing wrong w/ having a bed buddy for a while. nothing wrong w/ it at all. if you do not want to settle down then dont. just be safe & enjoy life no matter which road you choose to take. -DG724 Link to comment
nikkiagerba Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 you just take it slower with this guy, and show everyone that your a different person for a bit cuz u din't always do this stuff. this way then he won't think ur a a zlut and maybe possibly a girl he should go after, that he could have something with. Just be yourself and if he likes it then you'll be together. But whatever you do dont' have SEX with him first!..............take it much slower. U don't want him to just use you for sex. Link to comment
GettingOverIt Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 If you really want to date him, then you have to be ready for the topic of your recent previous lifestyle. Nothing wrong with it, but he may have issues that will have to be handled if you really want to make it work. There is nothing wrong with liking sex. And just because you like it and had a lot of 'buddies' before, doesn't mean you're not a faithful person when being exclusive. He just needs to know that, if he has issues. He may not have a problem with it at all... We have things in our past that we have to let go of... Live and learn, then repeat. Link to comment
Cecelius Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 I think you kind of have to decide whether you like your earlier escapades more than the idea of a traditional relationship. Everyone in life is free to do what they want in some sense, but others are free to react how they want to what they find in one's past. It's possible that this will add complexity to a relationship. Its up to you to decide. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 u know what u want for yourself. there is nothing wrong w/ having a bed buddy for a while. nothing wrong w/ it at all. if you do not want to settle down then dont. just be safe & enjoy life no matter which road you choose to take. i have to disagree with that. to me its kinda gross to be that way. sex is supposed to be between people whom love eachother. Link to comment
sparkey Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 You like sex. That is good. BUT the fact that you have a reputation might go against the guys you want to meet. For me I would be concerned about your past. Was it safe sex ? Were they people you knew or one night stands? There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex, but the long-term consequences of having multiple partners is scary. AIDS, HERPES, HPV, etc., Be prepared to get asked some questions. Guys can be intimidated too. You know, thinkg this woman has had so many sex partners, how will I stack up? etc., Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 It seems to me that you are getting into things prematurely here, because at this point it seems too hypothetical unless you know that the guy on your floor is interested in you. At this point you dont even know if he has heard about your previous escapades or what exaclty he thinks about them. The bottom line is that your past can come back to hurt you, some people are more accepting than others but you have to realize that a person doesnt have to accept the things that you have done in your past. Some people will argue that the past is the past but that doesnt seem to be the case your past is a reflection of you at a certain time in your life, some people feel the need to hold people accountable for the things they have done while others dont. The only thing you can do right now besides over think the situation is see how this guy responds to you and if he shows that kind of interest in you. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 yea sex should be when youre in love but not everyone is ready for love. and if she & he just want friends w/ benefits-or whatever. who are we to say its wrong. sometimes sex w/ no strings attached is beneficial & suitable for the time being. girl, you know deep down what you want. just follow it. theres nothing wrong w/ dating & once in a while hooking up. a lot of people do it. just be safe. -DG724 Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Guys can be intimidated too. You know, thinkg this woman has had so many sex partners, how will I stack up? etc., i dont understand the double standards in life. most guys brag about the more chicks they laid the better...girls 'can't have multiple partners' b/c then she gets a bad rep....whats wrong w/ a girl having some fun every now & again?? its nobody's business, & those who love her/him will not care what other people think. -DG724 Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 I agree with Daywalker...it seems that to some people, it really bothers them when the girl or guy has had more sexual experiences than them. For example; My best friend has been going out with her b/f for two years already. She recently found out that he has paid for sex with prostitutes years before they even met. She had a huge problem with this and turned it into this major issue/fight. She came to me crying and asked me what my opinion is. I told her that his past is his past, why drag it into their present relationship now? To me, it would not be such a huge issue, but to her, it's detrimental. She hasn't gotten over it and I'm not sure she will. The point is, some guys will hate your past and will hold it against you...which to me seems extremely unfair. The past is what makes you who you are today, without it, you may be a completely different person. Hopefully this guy won't judge you for the rumors he hears. Best to give him your all so that he sees you for who you are today. Link to comment
sadeyes Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 I guess i should probably reply to what has been said...First off, its not just a crush on a random guy that lives on my floor. We had class together first semester and i have hung out with him a few times...he even asked me to watch a movie in his room with him...so i am pretty sure that there is mutual interest. As for assuming he has heard...its impossible that he hasnt. There arent that many people on my floor...about 60...and gossip travels fast. The guy that i slept with is still a good friend and it only happened twice. I am pretty sure that my crush knows that...and if he wanted to know, i would happily inform him. I am not ashamed of my past at all. Every experience i have had has happened because i chose to do it....why should i be ashamed of that? Now, this double standard issue...i totally agree. All of the guys on the floor brag when they have sex, but they go around calling the girls that they slept with *****. I dont get it! Anyways...i know that it is totally up to me to finally decide which lifestyle is right for me right now...it just always helps to hear another persons opinion. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 hey girl, i dont think u have anything to worry about (concerning 'your rep' & all) i just hope that if you really like this guy & u see him as BF material someone you can care about etc, then id be more worried & make sure he wasnt "one of the many guys on your floor that sleep around w/ girls they call ***** afterwards" feel him out, hang out u & him a few times see how things go. but you wont know until you & him have a talk & get to know eachother better, just hang out -no sex- & jus see how things flow. dating can be a lot of fun and hey he could be a great guy & if you slept with a guy on your floor, if he cares about you he wont care. youre far from a **** for doing it. so what you got your groove on, big deal. we all do it from time to time. hey have fun, dont sweat, things will work out. and if rumors start & your called a **** its probably just BS gettin thrown around by the guys who want a piece & aint gettin any. hehehe! chill out & get to know this guy. -DG724 Link to comment
ShySoul Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 If you want to be the wild girl who parties, drinks, and has sex then you are going to have to get used to the reputation that comes with it. Some guys, like me, are completely turned off by the very notion of such a lifestyle. This guy might be like that and you would have to accept that. If he doesn't feel like he can trust you, then thats that. Actions have consequences. Being wild before could get you stuck with a reputation as a bad girl and you'll have to live with the consequences. Yes, such a double standard is wrong. If guys or girls sleep with multiple people without being in serious relationships, and especially if they brag about it, then they are being foolish. Sex is something that should be kept being two people who are in a loving commited relationship. As for being this wild child, like I said, you are facing the consequences. Sure, you may like sex and want to have it. It probably felt great when you were doing it. But, like you said, now you are feeling lonely. People who live that kind of lifestyle always end up feeling empty and alone. If you want to go back to that lifestyle, you'll have to deal with the loneliness and the reputation. I'm not trying to put you down or tell you what to do. I'm just saying that how people act can determine how they are treated. Be wild and that's what people will expect from you. Be the good girl, and you'll get treated with respect. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 If you want to be the wild girl who parties, drinks, and has sex then you are going to have to get used to the reputation that comes with it. Some guys, like me, are completely turned off by the very notion of such a lifestyle. This guy might be like that and you would have to accept that. If he doesn't feel like he can trust you, then thats that. Actions have consequences. Being wild before could get you stuck with a reputation as a bad girl and you'll have to live with the consequences. OH! if thats what youre looking for then, you need to def reconsider! i didnt take your post to mean it that way but if i misinterpretted, & thats what you meant, then by all means resist the tempation , b/c i agree its VERY unattractive! -DG724 Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I personally wouldn't ever put myself in a relationship with some girl who has slept around with several guys on campus. I'm sure some guys wouldn't mind of course. You'll just have to hope that the guy is interested in you. Link to comment
sadeyes Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 I totally understand that some people would be put off by that lifestyle...thats really what i was trying to get at. I didnt know if a person could live one way and then change, having a potential bf accepting it. Just for a little more clarification...I have only slept with one guy on the floor. three guys total, one was my bf of over a year. I do enjoy drinking, but i have cut down on my consumption. Also, i have been the dd many times...which allows me to go to parties and enjoy the company of my friends. Umm...i think i covered everything that i wanted to. Thanks for all of the input!! Link to comment
Yorkrose23 Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 It's really up to you. It's your life. But I will tell you this- from my experience women who sleep around a lot often regret it later in life. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, this is not always the case. Just realize that if you do decide to be the wild child, you will should get familiar with the following: telling people how many partners you've had, not worrying about your reputation, asking folks to use protection, and getting tested for STD's every year. If you're not comfortable doing those things, then you may want to think twice about it. Link to comment
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