Never got caught cheating

[Daisy20]

Just wondering if anyone has cheated on their significant other and NOT gotten caught?? Also, how long has it been since you cheated??

 

I am not asking this because I am thinking about cheating (I don't have a boyfriend), but a friend of mine made the comment the other day that if you cheat, you will always get caught eventually. Just wondering if she was kind of right or totally wrong.

[Mentor]

I have never cheated, but I have been the "other guy" once. I think that the person being cheated on knows. Whether or not they deny or acknowledge it is another story...

 

Denial can be so much more comfortable, in the short term

[mscolly]

It depends really how serious is the relationship, how serious was the cheating, and what you mean by being caught. How serious the relationship is determines the sense of guilt in the cheater and the sensibility of the other partner. Whether the cheating involves the heart or not, or was just a superficial "scratching an itch" determines how the cheater reacts to what he/she has done.

 

The cheating, if it wasn't just a momentary error, is certainly a sign of something that's basically wrong with the relationship, and the cheated on partner already feels that, even if he doesn't recognise it. The cheating will probably be accompanied by a relatively sudden change in comportment by the cheater, and that will tell the cheated on partner that something has changed. What, he possibly won't know, but that something has happened, he will sense.

 

From my personal experience, when I was engaged and living with my future wife, I cheated a couple of times and would not have been caught if I hadn't (in one case many years later) told my wife. She too cheated with a (planned) one night stand 1 month before the marriage, and if she hadn't told me the day after, I don't think I would ever have suspected.

 

On the other hand, after 18 years of marriage, she cheated with first one long distance relationship then a second almost straight afterwards, both lasting roughly a year. In both cases, I wanted to believe that they were just friendships verging a bit too strongly on infatuation. That there was anything more, especially in the first case, I couldn't believe and didn't really ever have any suspicion (I only needed to look at the computer log to know, I'm an expert in computers, and it never crossed my mind to look).

 

You may not get caught with hard evidence or even strongly founded suspicions, but the cheated on partner knows something has happened, though what precisely he won't know. He will become alerted and if the cheating carries on over time, eventually he will find some evidence, perhaps only circumstancial, that will confirm his suspicions.

 

In a sense, it doesn't matter whether you get caught or not. It's a sign of something being wrong in the relationship, and that will eventually come to the surface, perhaps in another form.

[skynet74]

I've been cheated on twice. Both were long term relationships. The cheating usually happens right before the break up. One partner or both partners are not happy. Cheating takes place and then things continue to get even worse from there. I've always found out when my Partner has been cheating. The secret can not last forever. Someone always screws up. Then before you know it the Cat is out of the bag.

 

From first hand experience I have also seen that once a person cheats on you... they will do it again in the future to the next person and then the next... and the next. If someone cheats on you it is basically a character flaw that's built into that person. When they feel something is lacking in a relationship.... instead of trying to fix things with their partner, they will instead try to find the missing piece by hooking up with a new person. Unfortunately instead of satisfying their urge and making things better... it often results in everything just totally falling apart.

 

If you are serious about your Mate..... Do not EVER CHEAT. No matter how little the chance is of you getting caught. It remains a Fact THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY GET CAUGHT. Before you know it.... Your one little harmless fling starts to destroy your life as things start to come out in the open.

 

NOT WORTH IT.

 

 

John

[GettingOverIt]

I was separated from my wife, though not a 'legal' separation - I moved out. While separated, I fell for and made love with a woman I had grown to have very deep feelings for. Well, I was kind of a mess during all of this, and I wasn't sure leaving my wife was right, and wasn't sure what my feelings for this other person were... Well, that's not true - I loved them both very, very deeply, and I guess somewhere in my mind I decided that if I still loved my wife, then that is who I should ultimately be with... Anyway, I went back to my wife, which means that I cheated on her while we were apart. Now, someone told me that because we were separated that it wasn't cheating, but we were not legally separated and nowhere near along far enough for divorce. Legally and morally, it was cheating.

 

Will she find out? Only when I tell her. She asked me point blank about it, and even knows (suspects) with whom, but I lied because I was really messed up then. Not an excuse, just what happened.

 

And here is my point - I think part of the reason the other finds out is because for many cheaters, the lack of forgiveness of doing it makes living with the person cheated on that much harder. I'm a Christian, so my views are bent in that direction - confess our sins to each other. It is not necessarily the GUILT of it, but that I want to ask forgiveness for what I did to her. She may not give it, and that is a chance I'd have to take, if I decide to tell her.... So, I think that's how the spouse finds out, sometimes something slips (intentionally or not) and the cheater needs forgiveness...

[duchesstigerlily]

I totally suspected or knew something was up when my boyfriend was cheating on me. I wasnt indenial or anything I just had no concrete evidence really to prove it was actually happening (he slipped up a couple of times but not so much where I could validly accuse him of anything). We didnt live together and had a bad relationship anyway...so I was quite insecure to begin with but I had this overwhelming feeling that there was someone else he was casually seeing (a back up? since he thought there was not way *we* would last) and I was right.

 

I found out 6 months after the whole thing was over (I was snooping at his apartment) and we are still together now. Our relationship is nothing like it once was. We're together all the time and happy....we dont fight and in the past 6 months I have had not "feelings" or "suspicions". We have actually grown into a much stronger and better relationship. "Once a cheater always a cheater" is not always a fair statement...although sometimes it definitely applies.

 

I really have to say that most of the time if you have a strong instinct that your partner is cheating that they mostly like are actually cheating to some degree. There is always a change in the cheater that can be sensed.