we kissed..he says not interested..confused

[ninjagirl]

I kissed someone (more than a peck, on the lips) on NYE, after he was clinging to me all night. After I sent him an email on Sunday, he just sent me one today saying he's not interested in getting involved romantically but wants to hang out and play guitar sometime (I also play).

 

I'm confused because friends observing us all night said he was obviously interested in me and attracted to me. He even invited me out to a 2nd New Year's part that night. Three people this week, even random strangers, have told me I'm sexy/beautiful this week. I'm smart, funny, relaxed, creative, outgoing... Thing is, he doesn't even know me that well, and I feel like he's not really giving me a chance.

 

So what happened...?! I'm sure this is a bigger deal also because I'm getting out of an 8 year relationship, and this is the 1st guy I've been attracted to since my ex. Do I hang out with him, and is there a possibility that he may want me later? Is he trying to be a friend? (I'm all for building friendships). Or am I just being pathetic.

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[ajk]

hmmm...well, did he say WHY he's not interested in getting involved romantically? what did your email to him say? were you asking him out?

[Caldus]

There are so many possibilities as to why he decided not to get involved with you romantically. The only person who knows for sure is him. Did he tell you why? If you really want to find out why, then I don't think anyone here can tell you why with certainty. So talk to him about it. Otherwise, it's time to move on.

[sonjam]

Maybe he was looking for company on NYE, and you were available. I know this sounds a bit harsh, but it happens all the time. Stop trying to read anything into the kiss, and what happened that night, as he obviously don't want to build on it.

 

As for the friendship thing, graciously accept the offer, but wait for him to contact you, to play, don't call him again.

 

There is a lot of nice guys out there, don't rush into anything.

[Mun]

Hello there,

I think you should go ahead and meet up with him when he asks, nothing wrong with being friends and it could lead to something. Don't initiate any more contact with him, leave that up to him. Try not to focus on him only though, go out with other guys too this way if nothing ever develops you are not wasting your time--someone else could come along.

 

By the way, I'm sure there is nothing wrong with how you look. He is just being cautious for whatever reason, at least he is being honest up front. All those compliments should serve to remind you that you are a desirable woman

 

Good luck to you

[bzborow1]

saying he's not interested in getting involved romantically but wants to hang out and play guitar sometime

 

This could also mean he wants sex w/no strings attached. Probably not but just you should be aware of the thought.

 

Three people this week, even random strangers, have told me I'm sexy/beautiful this week. I'm smart, funny, relaxed, creative, outgoing

 

I wouldn't let this get you down. Sometimes sparks just don't fly or people are just too preoccupied with other things. I've been laughed at by average looking women but dated hot women...it's a weird game.

 

 

Thing is, he doesn't even know me that well, and I feel like he's not really giving me a chance.

 

I'd rephrase that a little. He doesn't even know you so it's not that bad! It's not like you've dated for 8 years and he's rejected you for the person you are.

 

I know it hurts to feel rejection, but it's really not that bad in the grand scheme of things. Plus you've made a friend you can play guitar with!

[ninjagirl]

My emial said "Had a great time Friday...by the way, am heading out for some live music Thursday...I know you know the music scene here better than me...care to join me?"

 

The comments are all helpful...you guys rock!

[ninjagirl]

He didn't say in his email why he wasn't interested in getting involved. But he is someone who is really into adventure sports...does major climbs, works out a lot. My guess is he also doesn't have a lot of time.

[Mun]

You know, I read you email message to him and to me it sounds just friendly and nice, but I wonder if to him it might have sounded like you "were looking for something more" and that might have freaked him out or turned him off a bit. You just never know what a person is thinking.

 

I still think you shouldn't contact him again and leave that up to him. I find guys do better when they are the ones initiating contact--at least at first. This way you will know whether or not he is interested too and will avoid the confusion of wondering if he is. He doesn't call anymore--you have your answer and you can move on. He calls and you respond to him--he knows you are interested and you really don't need to do more than that... no emails necessary .

[ninjagirl]

In his email, he told me he would definitely like to play guitar together sometime, that he would be out of town until midweek, and I should drop him a line after that if I was interested. I figured my email back would be something like: "No worries. I appreciate you being honest. Guitar would be great. My schedule frees up at the end of the week."

[Hailey]

A few possibilites:

 

(1) It might be simply because it was NYE. Everyone were excited and got wild.

(2) He may be nervous to start a new romance.

(3) Guys tends to like playing cool sometimes.

(4) Guys don't think from their brain when it comes to intimacy. They think from "THERE"!

[Andy Scott]

Hailey's got a point with the last one =)

 

a) It's sad that guys don't have enough blood to run their brain and their sex drive at the same time, we aren't multi-taskers like women are!

 

b) Guys are often slow to take hints and small pokes from women that are key clues to attraction. (this is something I've learned from friends young and old)

 

c) Did you also know that the male's brain, specifically the front section designated for dedication and important decisions is not fully developed until the age of 25 (average of course)? Those are a couple of facts to keep in mind as you date accross the spectrum, but also remember that not all guys are driven by their hormones. Some have the conscience and the heart to think of women more than that, and though they may be spread out and hard to find, they're there. Sorry, little tangent over.

 

I think that in this case, this guy you're in contact with could be a sufferer of case B above, heh heh. Or, like others have said, he may not be interested in something more. Personally, I've never been freaked out when a girl has given me clues that show she's attracted to me, it's flattering to discover.

 

Keep in contact with him and be open with him about you feel, if you're a type of girl who likes to communicate openly about feelings. After moving on from an 8 year relationship, I'd say you have quite a bit of experience under your belt, so use that to pursue him if you're interested. He may just be a NYE acquaintence like some have said, but I agree with what you're doing. Don't be too worried about rejection.

 

And, like I always say in my posts, I apologize for all of the tangents, and I would never expect you to simply 'do' as your told. It's always easier to write the words than carry them out.

 

Hey, good luck though.

 

 

Oh, and just to add as a side thought (this is an edit), I know that most women find a kiss much more passionate and meaningful than some men do.

 

Personally, I save a kiss for when I really mean it.