Is he right to be mad?

[Cappi]

Hey everyone... would appreciate some opinion on this situation!

 

I'm 19 and so is my boyfriend. Briefly... we've been going out for a month and a half and are quite close. He's working until 10pm tonight, and I got invited to learn to snowboard with some friends. When I told him this (while he was already at work so we couldn't talk at length) he changes... he doesn't get MAD exactly but he's either annoyed or disturbed or something - I know he wanted to learn with me, but he's working and this is an opportunity I don't want to pass up.

 

I told him I wished he was coming with me, and he just sort of went "heh, yeah..." like he didn't believe me or something.

 

I've been having issues with him not liking me going out with my friends when he's working (most of my friends are guys, creating even more problems) and I don't know... now I feel horrible every time I go out, and guilty...

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think you should have waited 'till your boyfriend could join you. If you care what your boyfriends feelings are then you would understand how he feels about you being friends with these other guys. Put yourself in his shoes.. how would you feel if he was going out to do something with his girl "friends" while you were stuck at work? and something you had been looking forward to doing just with him... not very nice huh?

 

Since these are a bunch of guys I think it's understandable that he doesn't like it. He probably thinks they will be hitting on you and stuff.

 

If it was your girlfriends he was jealous of I would say he is wrong.. but I kinda see his point.

[Hope75]

I agree with Muneca,

 

This will not be your last opportunity to learn to snow board, and if he'd like to learn too why not make it a fun couple activity?

 

I would not like it if my boyfriend went out with a bunch of ladies while I had to work either, so I def. see his point.

 

Why not compromise, and learn together this weekend?

[Beec]

This could bother him for a few reasons.

 

One he could be jealous you got to go and he did not. Not a big deal, but understandable.

 

Two, he coudl be concerend that you were out with other guys. Also, understandable. To some extent, he needs to turst you, but you also need to make him feel secure.

 

If he were telling you not to go, I see he might be controlling, but otherwise, I think you can go, but also need to work on making sure he feels secure.

 

It could also be fun to learn together.

[shuntaro603]

I agree with Muneca,

He is probably uncomfortable about you going snowboarding with a bunch of guys. It's understandable. If I were him, I would feel kinda jeaulous too.

[Cecelius]

Even if he's not jealous, most men are rationally conditioned by past experience that women who hang with mostly men (and vice versa) -- something either already has happened or is bound to happen.

[OceanEyes]

Even if he's not jealous, most men are rationally conditioned by past experience that women who hang with mostly men (and vice versa) -- something either already has happened or is bound to happen.

 

Hmmmm, this isn't always true Cecelius. When I go back home for holidays/ summer, I hang out with a couple groups of guy friends who really have only ever been 'just friends'. I wouldn't have ever done anything with any of them because I love their company. Screwing around with one of them would change the whole dynamic of the group; not worth it, they're awesome! But to be fair to what you're saying, a couple of them have tried 'getting some' a couple of times. How can I blame them though, right? j/k

 

Cappi - the reason your man is probably feeling a little jealous/ angry that you're hanging out with other guys is probably because he KNOWS how single guys are around girls (with boyfriends or not). As a girl who loves her guy friends too, I understand that you have no other intention but to go and have fun. But, from his side, he knows exactly what goes through the mind of a single guy when in the presense of a hot girl. He knows that one of these guys will probably put the moves on you eventually, and that's probably drama that he doesn't want to have to deal with (even if he trusts you completely, he DOESN'T trust THEM).

[Cecelius]

Ocean Eyes, I think that's right. I also think these pages are full of people posting about how they didn't mean for xyz to happen, or they got drunk and someone did something to them, etc. My point is that rational people pay attention to whether their proposed SO is sticking their hand in the lion's mouth.

 

Doesn't mean you get jealous or worked up or even care -- but note it nevertheless.

 

I also don't want to overstate the opposite sex friends thing - it may be that he was hoping there would be one or two things he was planning to do with you (my g/f occasionally gets bummed if I see a movie with my kids that she might want to see with me). A little talking and a little compromise and you're golden.

[AlleyCat]

Since several other posters have talked about the point that your b/f may have been upset because the friends you were supposed to go with were guys, I won't talk about that more.

 

He also could have been upset because he wanted to learn with you. Awhile ago, my b/f and I decided to take up rollerblading together - neither of us had done it before. I thought it would be fun to learn together, so we both bought rollerblades and pads and I assumed he'd wait until we could go together. Instead, he went a couple of times with one of his friends first when I couldn't go. By the time we went, he was much better at it than I was, and most of the fun of "learning together" was gone. His friend wasn't even female, but it still bothered me because I thought we were going to do it together.

 

Sure, you had an opportunity that might not come up all that often, but in this case, it seems like you could ask your friends to teach both of you another time - after all, they're your friends. Anyway, if you went, you should definitely make sure your b/f knows how much you want to go with him - and don't go again until he can go too.

 

By the way, did you end up even going??

[clodhopper]

Put yourself in his position. You're stuck at work and he calls you up and says he's going out with a bunch of girls to do something you wanted to do with him together as a couple.

 

I think in that case, I understand how he's feeling... and I know I would feel the same. Jealousy is a problem, and whether or not you hanging out with these guys means more than just friends, your boyfriend is bound to be uncomfortable with it. And I can see his point.

 

I would suggest in the future waiting to do those kind of things when he is free too, if you've talked about wanting to do it together. And reassure him about the guys good luck!

[tim horton]

id be pissed if i were him . its not you that i wouldnt trust its all the guys you hang with. guys are like that .. always trying to get some.

[doorik]

Well If I were him I may be tempted to go out with some lady friends (preferably ones that were/are atracted to me) while you were out snowboarding - Even if you don't trust them, you can trust your BF right?

 

Now would you be comfortable with that situation?