Need advice for moving on

[hipsterdood]

I thought I was over my ex until I saw that she had moved on and it hit me a lot harder than I expected. I guess a part of me just thought that maybe if she hadn't moved on yet then there was a chance of getting back together. I still think there is a chance in the future just because we will be going to the same school. Stranger things have happened. But what are some things you guys have done in the past to help you move on? This is hitting me hard but it could be a lot worse so I think I have moved on at least a little bit. Any advice is appreciated

[Hell_On_Heels]

I don't think we truly move on until we let go of any hope of getting back together.

 

If she broke up with you, it means she isn't holding on to hope, and she's likely to move on faster than you are. This is normal, and it's ok. She thought about life without you long before you were faced with life without her.

 

I know, it's harsh.

 

If you focus on yourself, on the things you want in life and the kind of person you are, you'll either outgrow her, or grow apart from her. Either way, that connection is broken. If you're screaming inside that you don't want that connection to be broken, then you need to ask yourself why you'd want someone who doesn't want you back.

 

I don't think we can be friends with our exes until we spend a long time apart. It's not easy to go from Us to Me. Give yourself that time. Make Me a wonderful thing to be. The rest will take care of itself.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I posted this in another thread, but I'll copy and paste it here as well. These are the things that helped me:

 

I started learning guitar. Went out, bought a cheap electric guitar and cheap amp (spent a little over $200 in total) and scoured YouTube for lessons. After a while I realized I wanted to learn more so I bought RockSmith, which helps you learn using an actual guitar with popular songs that are challenging. This is just for me, I’m not going to play for anyone. It’s been excellent in keeping my mind occupied after work.

 

I go to the gym a lot now, but I’ve also been going for years on a regular basis. I use this to get out my aggressions when I'm struggling with acceptance, and lately I’ve noticed I get more glances from women. Nice ego boost while standing in the grocery line.

 

I joined group exercises at the gym. This breaks out the monotony of my workout routine and gives me new people to talk to a few days a week. The YMCA Body Combat and Body Pump sessions kick my butt, and helps reduce and avoid the weight gain of the occasional binge/stress eating that happens once and a while. My son also started joining me in these when he’s with me which has helped build more bonding and give me time to spend with him.

 

I have a pit bull, who is a great pet and an extremely friendly dog. So I found a charity pit bull rescue on Facebook and started to volunteer at their functions. This gets me out of the house, forces me to meet new people, and their functions are at places I wouldn’t have gone otherwise.

 

Lastly, I started to return to my original profession of programming. I picked up a book on Android programming and have been working through my lunches and other dry moments to re-acquaint my programming skills with newer technology. Maybe that will lead to something.

 

Although the pain of my recent breakup hasn’t vanished, these are the things that help me re-focus my mind when she re-enters it. I still struggle to allow myself to admit we aren’t meant to be, but I'm entering into the stage where I am ok with it and I may have feelings of wishing her well (not directly). Avoiding contact with her keeps me away from focusing on what could have been, and the things above are the things I neglected doing when I wasn't single. In general, I'm rediscovering my interests and learning to be me again.

 

Lastly, time does heal the wounds. Accept the journey and the learning you will do throughout this. You will come out stronger and a newer person who you like more. Mountains don't have escalators, so start climbing on your own so you can reach the top and you will get there.

 

Good luck

[Clinton]

Time. Time is the only thing that truly heals. All the advice about improving and staying active is true, but only time heals.

 

Studies I've seen, and my own personal experience, put healing time for the end of a SIGNIFICANT relationship at about 18 months, a year to feel better and another few months to be truly over it

That's an average though and some take more or less time.

 

Just keep doing what you are doing in trying toove on. One day, before you know it, you will start to feel better.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I would agree with Clinton. It took me almost 2 years to truly get past my divorce (of course a new relationship helped a lot near the end of the 2 years) and I'm now 6 months past the breakup of my 18 month relationship and I'm only starting to get to the point it doesn't engulf my every thought. Time is the only real bullet to the pain.