So confused about a breakup

[maktoborm]

Hi everyone I hope you don’t mind the lost post, to be honest I am kind of a mess. My ex and I have a very complicated relationship. I was 22 she was 18, we met while both working at a grocery store. She has very strict parents who wanted her to go away to school, even before we met she didn’t want to go away to school she wanted to go to school local because they had a good art program and she got a scholarship.

 

I made it very clear don’t not go to the school because of me but if you really don’t want to go, you should talk to your parents because it’s your life not theirs. Her parents flipped out and told her if she wants to have a home with them, she has to go to the away school.

 

They said they wanted her to get the college experience. She asked if she could stay with me (I lived at home but had the basement). Of course being a little selfish but mostly just wanting her to follow her dreams and be happy I said sure, thinking the thing would blow over in a few weeks. But her parents are very stubborn people, they thought I was controlling their daughter and basically disowned her.

 

They didn’t let her see her siblings who she practically raised, wouldn’t even speak to her, called her every ugly name in the book, harassed me, called up my mom and called her trash. Neither one of us wanted this, it spiraled out of control so quickly. It was an awful way to basically start a relationship. A few months later they did want her to come back but at that point so much was said and done my ex didn’t want to. So we lived together from Aug of 2012 to December of 2013.

 

It was very hard because of the circumstances but we made it work, we were very much in love. All that while she was not invited to holidays, parties and didn’t see anybody in her family. This shocked me because I could never see my family turning my back on me like that, even if they were so mad at me they would always be there for me. It was very stressful to say the least, I was all she had. She was very depressed, she felt like she was incomplete because family was very important to her.

 

So December with the holidays she had enough and decided to go home. This was after a month of us just being on different levels, everything was starting to get to us. We weren’t having fun or were happy anymore. So her parents took her back, it hurt I was upset in the beginning but eventually I realized it what was needed for her so I supported her.

 

Her moving back home made it very hard for us to get together, they blamed me for everything and used to get mad when she said she was seeing me. It wasn’t like she was treated badly at all, I helped pay for her college, I graduated college and got a better job and my parents treated her like their daughter in law. So in the beginning we only got together every few weeks, for a few hours.

 

I thought she would fight to see me more because I thought we were going to get married. We talked about it so many times, I didn’t understand why she would let anything come between us. We did that for a few months, I kept thinking once her parents realized she was there for good that she would stand up to them, but it never happened. I was getting lonely and I met a girl at work. I never cheated or anything like that but it was nice to have someone again.

 

My ex asked me to apologize to her parents for hurting them, I’ll be honest I am a stubborn guy and the thought of apologizing to them after they deliberately put down me and everyone I cared about made me sick. All I did was take care of their daughter emotionally and financially for over a year because they were being stubborn and couldn’t get over she told them no for the first time in her life.

 

Eventually my ex found out about the new girl and demanded I stopped talking to her. By this point we are barely hanging out, she is mad I won’t apologize to her parents and is mad I am talking to the new girl. So I ended things in June. I was just so stressed and fed up, I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

She told me that dealing with her parents was the most stressful thing ever and just couldn’t argue with them anymore. She was very upset and wanted me back but at that point I just wanted a normal relationship so I stood my ground. We ended up hanging out 4th of July weekend and hooking up.

 

Things were really nice, it was like old times. She then stopped answering my calls and texts for about a week. I ended up seeing the girl I was talking to out and we kissed and it was nice. My ex found out about me seeing the other girl and then wanted nothing to do with me.

 

I dated the other girl for about a month and realized she was a great girl but I didn’t feel the sparks like I did with my ex. The grass wasn’t greener on the other side and I wanted to get back with my ex. So I call her up and we met and ended up kissing and she looks at me and tells me she felt nothing for me.

 

That really freaked her out, because she always held onto having that connection during the stressful times. She told me she has been going out to the club and met some guy and they ended up having sex. I wanted to throw up right there, she told me that she felt something for him so that’s how she knows were over.

 

I was shocked about a month ago we had a really great night and it felt like we were getting back together and now she’s going to the club every weekend with this new guy. So watching too many movies I tried to win her back by taking her out to dinner and writing her a love letter.

 

In the letter I said I understood why she was hurt and I still loved her and wanted to make things right with her and her parents. The dinner was so weird, her guard was completely up with me. It was like she didn’t even know me. I knew I had no chance but I gave her the love letter anyway, she said she wished she got it earlier but the answer is no she doesn’t want to try again. She said she was miserable and is having trouble getting over me but the fact that when we kissed doesn’t feel right to her is a sign.

 

We were still going to spend time together until she saw that the girl I was seeing texted me and she wanted to go home right then. That killed me but I was at peace with it, so taking her back home before she left she started to cry like I have never seen before. I thought it was because she felt bad for hurting me but I told her I was fine don’t worry about me. She said that wasn’t it and I don’t understand.

 

When I asked her to talk to me she said she was having a panic attack and needed to leave right then. That night she texted me freaking out accusing me of cheating on her with the other girl and asking how I could do that to her and that I was being too pushy about wanting to get back together right away.

 

That was two weeks ago. I texted her the next morning saying that’s not how I wanted the last night to be and that I was going to leave her alone because it’s not a good idea for either one us to talk and good luck with the new guy I hope he treats her well. She texted me saying that the girl is haunting her and she’s sorry she freaked out, she said I emotionally cheated on her and knew I really liked her because we were talking so long and said she was glad I had a backup.

 

I promised her it wasn’t like that and I don’t want to fight and end on bad terms. She then answered I only tried to get back with her for a week and that she isn’t with the new guy but she’s fine and that she thought we would both be single for a while.

 

She also admitted to being angry with me so that might be why our kiss felt off. A few days later she told me she was done hooking up with guys, but I didn’t answer because at this point I know everything will just lead to a fight. She then said great I guess you two are official and she doesn’t want you talking to me.

 

Then the next day she says she misses me so much and doesn’t care that people tell her she doesn’t want to be friends and doesn’t care if me dating the other girl causes her pain, she also said that it’s like she’s been on vacation and now its real life and I’m not there.

 

When I didn’t answer she said I have tee shirts and sweat shirts you should have back then. Then another few days later she said you can’t ignore me. At this point I have 6 texts from her when I have just been ignoring her, she started school this week so I texted her saying good luck with your new classes.

 

She said thanks I really don’t want to do this without you but its fine, a few hours later she said she blamed me for our relationship ending. I went back to ignoring her and she called me twice that night but I didn’t answer.

 

The next day she asked who she was going to talk to on the train ride home from school. That was 4 days ago and haven’t heard anything since. She is still going out to the club ever weekend and hanging out with the guy, even though she says he doesn’t treat her well.

 

I am so honestly confused, I love her so much and want to be with her but I don’t know if I am crazy for thinking we still have a chance. All my other breakups every time we ended things we would stop talking. She still wears my heart necklace I got her every day and I see on Facebook she still wears my old sweatshirts.

 

Plus the fact that she got very jealous about the other girl, keeps texting me when I am not answering and told me she blames me for how our relationship ended. I feel like if she was really over me she wouldn’t care how the relationship ended. Plus her friend told me she caught her looking me up on Facebook the other day.

 

From talking to friends they told me this is a classic rebound situation where it is just sexual and she is looking for attention because she isn’t that happy. She was never a huge club person and now she is going every weekend.

 

I really love her so much and realized I wasn’t the best boyfriend I could have been and really just want the chance to make things right, I am miserable without her and I know she is the girl I want to become an old man with.

 

So if I could just hear some unbiased opinions about if it sounds like she’s really over me or just hurt, scared to upset her parents again and a little resentful towards me and that’s why she’s pushing me away. I am giving her space right now and it’s the hardest thing and I feel like I am going to permanently lose her, especially when I know she is with another guy.

 

If anyone has some good advice on how to get her back or how to get over her I would really appreciate it. Thank you everyone!! Even just typing it all out helped out a lot.