Where do i start ,,,, i am falling and trying to reach out

[mygoodbyyetou]

hello there,,

 

well i will start off by saying what is going on in my life,,, i am going to be 30 in a little while and i have some much going on in my life ,, i am at the point where nothing is going right and i now that that is not a reason to do this,, so i will give you a few details about my life,,

 

when i was going on 12 ,, i was raped by someone i loved and trusted and i ended up having a baby from that .,,, and i know that having a baby would be crazy but i liefted like i had to so i had my wonderful son whom i love so much,, but he was murdered three years ago and my whole world fell out from under me and then i started dating my now husband who has helped me raise my son and with in the three years since i lost my son i have no time to cry or come to terms with that has happened,,, and my husband has made me feel like i am nothing that i am ugly and fat and all those nasty things,, even at one point he made me be around the two other women he was seeing and made me feel like i am crazy,, he has made my life into a worse nightmare and he stands there and gets mad at me when i try to talk about us or anything he gets mad and drinks,.... and i am at the point of going on with my family the way it was before all this bull happened and i am struggling every day to stay a float and in this last week i have been thinking about it more and more and i have looked into ways to do it but i am so scared and lost and crying every day.. so any one out there who can help me and i am sorry if it sounds like i am going on it is because i sit here with tears and wanting to just say screw it and end it so help

[kalikat]

I do hope so very much that you are still around to read this. And I am so sorry that life has handed you so much to deal with all at once. I think that every one of us on this site have been close to where you are at one point or another. In one year, I lost 11 members of my family. And, absolutely, it made me question everything (God included).

ANd, once, I had a terrible man as a husband. So many things he did to me, and how terrible he made me feel. Saying it was all my fault. Constantly threatening physical abuse, Constantly being emotionally abusive. Took all my money - Charged 250K to MY credit cards, all kinds of stuff like that. While he was sleeping around with who knows how many women.

Here's the thing - With all the loss you have recently experienced, the people that you surround yourself with must be giving and supportive to you. He is not - therefore he must be removed from your environment.

I know how hard that may seem. But it is so very possible. I am living proof of that. Look online, or a yellow pages, and find a womens shelter. You don't have to stay there if you dont want to. But the people that work or live there, I can almost guarantee that they will be sympathetic, and so very helpful. It is somewhere for you to go, a place where you can find peace within yourself.

You can heal - there will be some easier days and some harder. And I know how exhausting it can be just to get from one day to the next. But you dont know what else is planned for you in this lifetime. let it play itself out.

This is what I wish for you:

 

First, you must get away from this man who is treating you so terribly. Period. Instead of trying to recreate what there use to be, create something new instead. for yourself.

2 -You need to allow yourself the tears. Eventually I think it is the tears that allow the healing to begin.

3- I wish you warmth and strength that grows from within. Remind yourself every single day that you are a champion. You are a survivor. Sometimes the path gets a little rocky, but you have already proven that you can handle it.

Please send me a message on this website if you need to /want to talk. Remember we are here for you.

I am sending out so much positive energy to you today!

[mygoodbyyetou]

i want to leave but where i live is a very small town where there is no help and when your whole town protects him,, there is nothing i can do and the thing is i know i am so strong but this is different some how like my reason for being here is gone as i can't have any more child,, and i want to be a mom and a good wife and do something but how when i feel so lost ,, and now i just don't have it in me anymore to fight

[kalikat]

Have you thought about going to a different town? One where you can start over - start fresh. You may not be able to have any more children of your own, but there are so many other kids who need someone to help them. Kids that are in the foster home program always need people like you - people that would love the chance to be mom. It may seem overwhelming to start over somewhere else, but i do know it is do-able. Heck, I am almost 50, and I started over just last year. Left my home, and everyone I know, and moved 500 miles away. New job, new life. Still isn't perfect, but I never expected it to be. But I have had the most incredible experiences, and have met wonderful people. Try to start looking ahead of you, instead of looking at life thru a rear view mirror - does that make sense??

[broski1]

Don't suicide, please it's not the answer. There are so many better ways to live than putting a piece of metal in your head. You deserve life, no matter what anyone says so don't do it!!

 

There will be times when life seems like it's really got you in a choke hold, but understand that there are other ways rather than just tapping out. Use your brain don't destroy it.

 

He can call you fat and ugly, but right now I am calling you beautiful and strong for standing up this long to everything. In some ways you are my role model so don't die!! There are some people like me in the world that support you 200% with everything you do. I understand from my own life what you're going through, and suicide is not a good solution.

 

Don't say goodbye to me, say goodbye to all the pain in your life, and like a rose, arise from the thorns. Your life may not become perfect, but you got to find that perfect meaning in it. Suicide is evil, don't do it. Don't make yourself lose to them!

 

I'm not telling you what to do, because I want you to figure that out. Just emit suicide from that list of options. Forget the past, and instead of being fed up with yourself, be fed up with them. Talk to your husband and make him understand how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen, go to court and file for divorce. Take the child into custody (not like he'll even care) and move on to a bigger city like New York with a new life. Hopefully you'll just get through this rough patch in life and find someone who really cares for you in the future. I believe in you. Start fighting!