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Interracial Relationships I Think I am Developing a Crush on Someone

mikejonesjr

By mikejonesjr
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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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Hi Everyone

Several months ago I started an internet friendship with someone I met in a platonic relationship section. We emailed each other for a while, then started to txt each other then we just hit it off. We exchanged pics and then started sharing a lot of personal information about each other and we have become very comfortable with each other. As a joke we started talking about meeting for lunch and almost did but she had an issue at work and had to take a rain check. We communicate every day without fail. She is a very attractive black female and I am a white male. We have shared a lot of deep intimate issues about each other but we have never discussed the topic of a physical relationship because it is suppose to be a platonic relationship. I think I am developing feeling for her away from being platonic and I am beginning to develop a physical attraction to her. My main fear is that if I do pursue something beyond platonic will I mess up the deep friendship we have developed. I have no concerns about our races being different I just do not want to loose her as a friend but I would love to be with her on another level. I find myself so comfortable with her and can talk to her about anything. I have shared things with her I have never shared with anyone. Will I be wrecking a wonderful friendship if I start dropping hints about going further. Should I maybe be a little more flirtatious to see how she reacts. We haven't followed up on our lunch date yet, would this be a good idea especially now since my feelings for her are changing. Thanks for any advise

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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I think maybe being a bit flirtatious in your texting and emails might be your answer. Even if she doesn't respond to your advances, you can always say you didn't mean it that way - after all, so much emotion and meaning is lost through electronic communication, right?

 

Question is, can you go on being her friend in the same way if she sticks with being platonic?

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SophieGrace Contributor

SophieGrace

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MJJ - It is very easy to share intimacies in the once-removed world of text and email with someone who is still, essentially, a stranger, and I really don't think you can know how you feel about another person until you actually meet them. Right now she is still a projected fantasy, and you are twice-removed from any real emotional intimacy (you are texting under a "platonic friendship" banner, and you haven't met or spent any time together).

 

Believe it or not, even platonic friends meet for lunch. Why don't you suggest a date to meet and see how it goes?

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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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Your right SophieGrace, since we are only txting each other there are a few elements still missing. I know there are a lot of non sincere men that meet women on the internet that are only in it from the beginning to get in a woman's pants and I didn't want her to think that I put up a false allure just to deceive her. I would like to invite her to lunch again and see what happens from there. I just want to be completely honest with her and I don't want to loose her as a friend.

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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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You know I have thought about that and I truly believe I could still be her friend if she is not romantically inclined. I have kinda flirted with her and her response was positive. I told her I had a dream about her (which I really did), I ask her if she thought it was weird and she said not at all

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SophieGrace Contributor

SophieGrace

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Your right SophieGrace, since we are only txting each other there are a few elements still missing. I know there are a lot of non sincere men that meet women on the internet that are only in it from the beginning to get in a woman's pants and I didn't want her to think that I put up a false allure just to deceive her. I would like to invite her to lunch again and see what happens from there. I just want to be completely honest with her and I don't want to loose her as a friend.

 

I hear you, but in my opinion there is nothing to be honest about in terms of actual feelings until you guys meet. You will know a lot more then - like if you really do have deeper feelings and how she might feel about you based on your interaction. There is no need to rush this and no obligation to tell her everything. My advice is to take it slow

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Iggles Apprentice

Iggles

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OP, flirting is subjective. Until someone makes a move, there's plausible deniability. She may not know you would actually like to go on date.

 

First step is, meet in person. Cash in that rain check. If there's chemistry, you'll both feel it. From there it's easy to transition to a date. Be direct and ask her out if lunch goes well.

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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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Erm... if you have no concerns over race, why do you include in the title of the thread that this would be an interracial relationship?

Well that's a legitimate question. I truly don't have any concerns over race and my only explanation would be that I have never been involved in an interracial relationship before and perhaps out of what may be my ignorance unnecessarily posted the title. Do I think I am attracted to her strictly because of this, No I do not. We connect on so many levels and have so much in common that I connect with her unlike with so many in the past.

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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Well that's a legitimate question. I truly don't have any concerns over race and my only explanation would be that I have never been involved in an interracial relationship before and perhaps out of what may be my ignorance unnecessarily posted the title. Do I think I am attracted to her strictly because of this, No I do not. We connect on so many levels and have so much in common that I connect with her unlike with so many in the past.

Approach the situation the way you would with any other woman. There is not a huge difference. Your attraction is borne from liking her not what race she is. Many interracial relationships start this way which is (to me anyway) much healthier... Not laced with exotic fantasies etc.

 

I wish you luck and hope she has similar feelings for you. You will need to get some face to face so that you can figure that part out. The sooner the better so that 'real' feelings are developed not cyberspace fantasy feelings.

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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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Approach the situation the way you would with any other woman. There is not a huge difference. Your attraction is borne from liking her not what race she is. Many interracial relationships start this way which is (to me anyway) much healthier... Not laced with exotic fantasies etc.

 

I wish you luck and hope she has similar feelings for you. You will need to get some face to face so that you can figure that part out. The sooner the better so that 'real' feelings are developed not cyberspace fantasy feelings.

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Thanks, That's why I want to follow up with our lunch meeting. She felt so bad when she had to cancel. We live a few cities away from each other so we have to do it according to our work schedule

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BentGattling Newbie

BentGattling

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As a joke we started talking about meeting for lunch and almost did but she had an issue at work and had to take a rain check.

This + the fact you text/email every day tells me you have little chance...I think you should play it cooler than usual, start going MIA for a day here and there, reduce the quanity of your communication by 90%, and the time you respond by 1 hour every response until you reach 3 days. Then ask her to lunch and I bet she shows up.

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BentGattling Newbie

BentGattling

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I'm dating a Jamaican chick now and dating interracially as silly as it may sound is extremely polarizing in some contexts. We were walking down the street and this black guy says to her "you'll dress like that for him but won't dress like that for me." I just stayed calm but made eye contact and nothing happened.

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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I'm dating a Jamaican chick now and dating interracially as silly as it may sound is extremely polarizing in some contexts. We were walking down the street and this black guy says to her "you'll dress like that for him but won't dress like that for me." I just stayed calm but made eye contact and nothing happened.

It depends on where you live. I was in an interracial marriage for 20 plus years. I can't count on one hand the negative incidents I experience. This partially due to the type of places we chose to live. Demographics plays a significant role in how a couple is treated.

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mikejonesjr Newbie

mikejonesjr

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I'm dating a Jamaican chick now and dating interracially as silly as it may sound is extremely polarizing in some contexts. We were walking down the street and this black guy says to her "you'll dress like that for him but won't dress like that for me." I just stayed calm but made eye contact and nothing happened.

 

 

A few years back I was at a conference in North Carolina. I working colleague and I decided to have lunch at a nearby restaurant. My colleague was a very attractive black female, ( i never get involved with co-workers) anyway we were sitting there talking about the conference and enjoying our lunch when the manager walked over to our table, introduced himself, asked if everything was ok and paid very special attention to my colleague and I mean very special, was so involved with talking with her offering to refill her drink and so on. The manager was black and to this day I can't figure if he was hitting on her because she was so attractive on to show me my place thinking we were a couple. We both left the restaurant and we both said, what the blank was that all about. She thought the same thing as I did. We both got a laugh out of it.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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Well that's a legitimate question. I truly don't have any concerns over race and my only explanation would be that I have never been involved in an interracial relationship before and perhaps out of what may be my ignorance unnecessarily posted the title. Do I think I am attracted to her strictly because of this, No I do not. We connect on so many levels and have so much in common that I connect with her unlike with so many in the past.

 

Don't worry about it. I don't think it's a big deal that you mentioned your races.

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