Do I deserve to be happy? Or am I just meant to be alone forever.

[Noriani]

I'm 29, In another relationship where I'm not taking seriously. Been in many long relationships. First one was 4 years only to have his dad not like me and push us apart. So I left to make it easier for him not to choose. He is now happy and has a family. Second was 7 years. He battled cancer and I was with him he all the way through. He got remission and then cheated on me. Couldn't forgive him. Now in a relationship where I thought he loved me after being in a long distance for 3 years I Moved states and tried to get along with his kids. But I'm always left out. Only thing he now wants to talk about is sex and petty issues. Keeps me out of his family issues etc. I have nothing... I've always worked hard. Always supported myself and always looked after my spouses. Am I just meant to be alone. I'm scared but I think some people are just destined not to be happy. Should I just stop trying?

[Edmund Exley]

Perhaps you are diving too deep with the wrong partners. Have you ever felt you ignored red flags early in the relationship?

[lukeb]

Your premise is that single people are meant to be unhappy and that is simply not true. I have always believed you are better off single than being in a bad relationship. There are a lot of things that tend to go by the way side when you are in a relationship. This is not to say that it is all or nothing, but you tend to spend less time and be considerate of your friends and family and your social life in general when you are in a relationship. More difficult to divide your time between your partner and your own time and interests, it is more difficult to be your own person when you are with someone. I would trade all that in for the right person, but certainly you are sacrificing a lot being with someone.

[lostandhurt]

Happiness should not be dependent on someone else. You are responsible for your own happiness whether that is alone or in a relationship. In fact if you are good alone then any relationship you get into will be that much better.

 

You don't need a man in your life to be happy do you? I know it is nice to have someone but you don't NEED someone.

 

You have been open and caring and have had the misfortune of being in relationships that didn't work out. Perhaps you can try and spot the red flags earlier so you don't put so much of yourself into each one for so long and waste your time on a relationship that isn't what you want for your life. It would seem you hang in there a long time hoping it will get better. This is a good thing but can be a bad thing if you don't pull the plug when it is apparent things will not improve.

 

Personally I don't think anyone deserves anything in life, I think you earn what you get in this life. Whether or not you are with someone or not you can still be very happy so set out to make YOUR life happy.

 

You don't seem like a quitter to me. Perhaps ending this relationship and moving back to where you feel most at home and happy is a good start.

 

Lost

[MisUnderstood9]

It seems you jump from relationship to relationship. Being in a relationship doesnt mean you are going to be happy. You need to be happy on your own and not be dependant on spouse to make you happy. Whats the longest you've been single and by single I mean -- no man at all? 2-3months?

 

You might benefit from being single for awhile (1yr or two) -- figure out what makes you happy, figure out ways to make youself happy without a spouse, figure out exactly what kind of spouse you want to end up with so you stay away from the guys who you've been with. It is unfortunate that you've had the relationships that you have but, not all men are scum -- the right one will come along when you arent looking

[pfbsurf]

"deserve's got nothing to do with it" - Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven, right before he shoots Gene Hackman.

[SooSad33]

I agree with what the other's have said. Do not look at someone else to make you happy. That comes from within. And being single should not feel like a bad thing.

I think you NEED some down time now to focus on YOU and get yourself back to good. Build on that self esteem.

 

Look at all of this as an experience. You learn things every day. It's been an experience for you. Me as well. I've learned a lot thru my years with my failed relationships. Each time it's taken a bit more to work on myself & accept what is..

 

So, slow down. Stop expecting things as YOU want them. Take some down time to work on YOU now.

You need to be emotionally & mentally stable to be able to give to a relationship in a healthy way.