Should I continue my relationship with a jealous male partner?

[Jade Lavis]

I've been with my partner for two years now, we do not live together and our relationship can be great at times and just so frustrating at others. At least once a month we have a massive fight (Via ing text! - excuse my language) and then we always make up, he seems to wait till I am not angry anymore, just upset and then apologizes.

This is a difficult case because I really love my partner dearly and imagine spending the rest of my life with him but not like this! I just can't do it anymore and I can't understand why he wont change so I am seeking your advice.

 

Basically we will enjoy a good week together (we are close friends too) and enjoy each-others company with occasional harmless arguments (about things outside of our relationship) as we are both very head strong. Then I decide to go visit my family for a day or two... we kiss and tell each-other how much we will miss each-other and everything is fine till the next morning or so. I wake up (away) and I have a text from him, no wait 4.

"Good morning".

"Are you awake darling?"

"

"You must be really busy doing something"

 

He always sends me sad faces and messages that make me feel really guilty! All within a few minutes of each other. I am not the most reliable texter but since I've met my partner I feel that I text all the time (which I hate!) because he loves to communicate via text. I have asked him numerous time to not send me messages that guilt trip me, to just call me or talk in person. Yet he still does it. (We text each other A LOT and I write back straight away out of habit.)

 

I am immediately irritated as I am sick of dealing with the same thing, then explaining to him what I was doing, why I didn't text him back straight away etc etc and we end up having a stupid text argument for hours when I am trying to look after my nephew or spend time with my family. The end result is me feeling really upset, anxious and unsure of our relationship.

It happens once a month at the least.

 

It has just happened again.

 

He's now told me I don't care about him and that I'm selfish and that he cant stand the sight of ever seeing me again. Yet I know that tomorrow most likely he will apologize and beg for me to give him the chance to work it out with me. I just don't understand what the is wrong with him, why can't we have a normal drama free adult relationship? All I want is a peaceful and loving relationship and for him to not be so jealous, sensitive and controlling everytime I go anywhere or do anything.

It is unfair for me to feel this way all the time when I am doing nothing wrong, and I truly love and miss my partner but he just doesn't seem to understand me, or feel secure.

 

He's always had some full on trust issues as his ex wife left him (she took off with their child and all their belongings and moved interstate with another man he didn't know she was seeing. He has a lack of trust for women and thinks they untrustworthy who try and take advantage of everyone. At the same time, he knows I'm not but he still constantly needs reassurance.

I AM SO SICK OF REASSURING! I shouldn't have to when I haven't done anything to deserve it.

 

So at the end of the day, is this something we can possibly work on? We've had countless discussions and I've asked him to stop, I've told him he's really hurting me and ruining our relationship and he says sorry but it always re-occurs. Am I doing something wrong, is there something I'm missing? Or should I give up and start adjusting to life on my own till I find someone pleasant to spend my life with???

 

Thank you for reading, I really appreciate your advice/input/opinion.

[lukeb]

Two years is often a cross roads with someone, to a certain extend you have to accept and deal with the way he is or not and break up. It is a difficult thing when someone apologizes very easily for their behavior but does nothing to change it really rendering the apology meaningless. Perhaps you can try not to pander to his insecurities, perhaps you are always rewarding him with your attention when he starts up with his texts when you are away. It is your own behavior you have the most control over not your partner's so that would have the most chances of success in dealing with this. You have to decide if this relationship is worth saving, is he worth it?

[sk22545]

I agree with Lukeb. His apologies and words are meaningless because he won't stop his behavior. And his behavior is downright annoying, especially since you haven't given him a reason not to trust you. Has he been to therapy? He needs it.

 

At this point it would be best to break up with him because his behavior is putting a huge strain on your relationship and he isn't changing. Tell him that he needs to work on his insecurities and trust issues before he can take part in a healthy relationship with you. If you break up with him it will be a wake-up call for him, and there will be a chance he will work on his behavior.

[Edmund Exley]

Texting is killing relationships as fast as social media. Technology has us all on a leash.

 

Also, its sounds as if your boyfriend exhibits symptoms of fear of abandonment and personality disorders. No one should be that needy.

[Dcgent]

This relationship sounds depressing...and dependent. get out of it so you can live life. Find a mature person that wants more than a texting relationship.