The Real Reason He Ended It

[star554]

Our history is here: .

 

 

So following up on this. My boyfriend of 9 months (on/off for 4.5 years) broke up with me on Monday saying that he cannot be with me because of religion differences. My gut did not buy this reason when he said it but he seemed genuine (he was crying and seemed to be heart broken). For the next few days, he continued to try and get in touch with me and eventually I'd respond. But it drove me crazy that when I finally responded, he disappeared. Friday night, he called me over - instead, I went over the next day and we slept together. He made it clear he wanted only an FWB type relationship with me because he didn't think anything more could be possible for the religious reasons and familial pressure. We didn't talk on Sunday. He messaged me small talk on Monday to which I did respond. Tuesday, we didn't really talk. I messaged him at the end of the day - he responded once and then stopped responding.

 

It was quite abrupt because it seemed out of character for him to not respond if it was casual. Him not responding still drove me crazy - and I made a decision to go to his place and confront him. I knocked because I could see the TV on so I knew he was home. At first he didn't respond but after my persistence, he gave me the finger and told me to leave because I can't just show up unannounced (I did text him I was coming though). Finally, he admitted he had a girl over, almost laughingly. There was no shred of empathy or remorse - he told me straight up that he's liked her for a while and that she told him two days ago that she'd come over. In fact, he said to me that she has to be somewhere in an hour, so I can come back after they're done.

 

That is the end of the 4.5 years. I feel numb. I feel used. I don't know what else to say or think...

[dacute1]

He is just cold and heartless. You were together for a long time and deserve more respect than he has shown. He sowed his wild oats with you and my guess is he will probably marry someone else likely chosen by or at least approved by his family. Can I ask if he is muslim and if so what country is he from? The only reason I am asking is because I am in a similar situation. You WILL be okay...Enshallah in time.

[star554]

Yes he is muslim. And he is from Pakistan. But I don't think that was the real reason, probably just an excuse, because he ended up moving on in about 3 days. Are you in my situation or his?

[dacute1]

I am in a similar situation to yours but I will give my bf credit we. He acknowledges he can't marry me but does love me. He has been honest about this from day 1. It is fine because I am not looking to get married but I sincerely hope you can move past this & heal. Have you heard from him since the incident at his home? If so please do yourself a favor.Block delete and ignore this man. It will hurt like hell for awhile but rip that bandage off!

[star554]

Thanks dacute1... I'm def gonna try. And yes, that was the push I needed to block and delete him from any social media site I have him on... and I'm going to give it my all to stick to it. I'm 20 years old so I'm not looking to get married either - which is why I thought that this was a bull excuse. If you're ever looking to talk, feel free to message me.

[butterflyburn]

I do not think it really matters what the real reason is. The bottom line is that they do not want to be with you. You accept that as hard as it might be and move on.

 

I think turning for solace to the source of your pain is not a recipe for success. Hang in there, you will be fine in time but accept first that it is over.

[sunnz]

Just breathe a sign of relief that it's over and now you can find someone who will treat you right from day one.

[star554]

Thanks for the supportive comments. I feel like it does matter what the reason was because it provides you a learning experience - tells you a little bit about yourself.

 

If the reason was valid, because of circumstance, yes it'd hurt, but I might it in my heart to forgive him eventually and be friends.

The reason here happened to be that he kept me on the hook for a week before he realized that he the girl he wanted wanted him back - and as soon as he realized that fact, he dropped me like a dead weight. So, do I ever want to be friends with such a person? No, because I could never ever trust this person again... EVER.