It's hard just being a boss, B...

[awp4lyfe]

..And I can't go to jail cause those years will cost me.

 

--

 

Wow. It's been so long since i've been here. 2 years, man. Not going to get into it, but wow.. just wow. I read my old journal earlier and I couldn't believe the mindset I had.. especially in the beginning. Jesus. Negative-nancy at it's finest.

 

Well, anyway... it's been forever and I haven't spent any time anywhere except for Reddit -- which I'm thankful I found. That's a website/community I can get behind. I enjoyed my time there and not for nothing, but I've been more honest there than anywhere else, whether it be internet, in person, on the phone, texting, whatever... I'm proud of myself or that.

 

So, let's see what's been going on since my last visit.

 

I'm running the show again. I have been since October. P is gone, he had some problems at home which forced him to leave and deal with that. I hear he's running a place out in the Hamptons again. Good for him. M is gone. He knew he wasn't going to push me out and step on what's mine, so he ran off to work for our paint supplier. He hasn't even bothered to get in touch with me since he left, but I did talk to him last week when I called in for an order. He made a "joke" about how he wanted to stop in but he wasn't sure he was missed/well-liked around here... and just to be polite, I told him it wouldn't be an issue, but he knew better.. and so do I. He burned his bridge as far as I'm concerned.

We have a new guy named Mike working for us. He stepped in to replace Joyce, but he's just like another Joyce in the long-run. Thinks Geico is the end-all-be-all. Another guy that thinks he's going to step my on game.

We have our issues but for the most part, I don't want to blow up his house... so I guess that's okay.

 

I've moved into a new place! A cozy little 1-bedroom apartment 10 seconds from work. It's nice. I enjoy it. The land-people are nice too. An old-off-the-boat-Italian couple. They don't bother me, I try not to bother them & overall, they get what they want. My rent money. They gave me a good deal and I do them a favor and hand them cash every month. It works for both of us....

 

But now, if only I could slow things the hell down and remember that I shouldn't be having people over at 2am.

 

Still nothing on the "relationship" front. I had another stint with Miss-Pain-In-The-Butt aka "The Devil" last year which lasted for around 4 months before it went sour again. No, we didn't hook up but we were "talking" and yes, we hung out more often during that period more than we ever had in the 10 years we now know each other. It looked pretty good in the beginning, but as history says, it just didn't work out and she ended up pushing me away after Month-4 of us talking. This time, though, I just ran with it. You wanna push me away? Fine.. See ya.

 

On another level, I'm due back in prison again. Got my third DWI in February. This one was a killer, man. Complete fluke and I was a complete and utter A-hole to get busted for this again. I knew better. I was the freaking cab-master, and still, I decided to get behind the wheel to go 3 minutes down the block to get smokes. What happened? Officer said I was speeding and nabbed me. But whatever, with actions comes consequences and responsibility.. which I'm taking 100% of.

This time, though, instead of county, I'm looking at State time. 1-4 up north. This will be my first (and hopefully only) state bid. I don't wanna do it, but I'd rather do that than probation. I can't pull off 5 years worth of probation... especially if I can't drive. Do you have any idea how much money I'm going to waste if I even attempt it? And god-forbid if I get caught drinking or hanging out with "irreputable people" or something silly like that? I'll be looking at 1-4 either way. So, why not just do the time? I've done time before.. I can do it again. Yeah, okay, I know I have a business to run. I get that... but I'd rather walk out after a year or 8 months or whatever with freedom than have to worry about a violation sending me up-north anyway.

 

Whatever.

 

So... I guess this is the start of another journal. Let's see where this thing here goes.

 

Good to be back.

[awp4lyfe]

Friday night lights. Welcome to the hell-zone.

 

I'm a little bit low tonight. I fell into a trap recently by liking some chick that's not worth more than a 6-pack of brews. Same old story, though. Anyone that truly knows me knows that's how I get down. History repeats itself, and I find myself sitting around watching her lose interest more and more by the day. Now I'm a sad-sack of potatoes and stuff over it.... but, in time I'll be back to normal, so I'm not very concerned.

 

Anyway, at the shop, we got rid of new-Mike this week. Good riddance. Dude was a terrible fit from the beginning... yeah, last time I was here I said I didn't want to burn his house down but I guess I was just being nice. Truth is, he sucked. He made my work-life a living hell and I'm more than happy he's gone. After we axed him, he sent a group text to me, my old man, and two other guys at the shop talking smack about me... so in retaliation I took his stupid straw hat, threw it in the middle of the shop and set fire to it. I haven't sent him the picture of it burning yet and I don't think I will, but it made me feel good. Peace, soldier. Good luck in your BS.

 

Besides that, as I said before I'm just a little low tonight. I'm sluggish, tired, working my balls off - but starting next week I get a raise! Don't know how much yet, but it makes me happy to see my efforts mean something. Yeah, I know, this place is all mine in due time, and for the first time I actually told my old man I want to buy in. We'll talk about it. Made me feel good to get it off my chest. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, stress inlcuded. This is where I belong. This is home.... so with that, I'm happy I'm getting noticed. I truly am. Even if it's $50, it's still good.

I'm gonna give my buddy B a trial week next week and train him on parts. I don't think he'll be a good fit, but if he tries, he can make my job a little easier for the next couple of weeks. Tomorrow morning I have an interview with a guy named Ed... somebody I think will be a much better fit than B. But we'll see.

 

So... I ran into Natasha last week at a bar in the village. This is a chick I haven't seen since 2009. She ditched me in 08 after getting a boyfriend while I was doing time for a robbery case, and when I got out she gave me the whole "I have a boyfriend so we can't be friends" thing - then came back in the winter of 2009. We hung out twice and then she decided to ignore me for 2 years before I ended up going away to do some more time on my second DWI. Haven't seen/heard from her since 09, so I was shocked to see her at a bar last Friday. I played it off at first like I didn't recognize her, and acted semi-aloof when she came up to me saying hello... after that I acted hardcore-aloof and acted like I could care less she was in the same building as me, because truth is, she blew me the hell off and wasted my time back in the day... why should I be all happy and stuff because she reappeared? She was cool as hell in 2007 and parts of 2008, but since then she was a completely different person and she gave me nothing but headaches.

I'm glad to see she's not dead, though.

 

So it's friday night and I'm just kicking it at home. Tomorrow night I was supposed to goto some chick's "party/get-to-gether" at a bar in Smithdown, but as I may/may not have mentioned above, it probably won't happen. I asked her twice for details (after she invited me when we saw each other last week) and she has yet to actually act like she wanted me there since, so I think I've gotten my hopes up for nothing. As I said earlier, same old story, same old routine. Get my hopes up, get em' dashed, take a while to be sad over it and move on.

 

That's all we can do, right? Move the hell on.

[awp4lyfe]

There's a way.

 

 

God damn, I like being back here, writing in a journal and stuff. - You really have no idea how semi-happy this makes me.

 

Same game, same name, ain't a damn thing changed....

[awp4lyfe]

HEY LOOK! I've updated a journal, recently.

 

people should read this because it's now at the top of the list and I'm freaking awesome no matter what my previous entries say.

 

 

you know, because attention is cool as hell........... N'stuff.

[awp4lyfe]

You wanna know something really, really funny? I updated my facebook to some joke status, and now everyone I haven't talked to in years wants to comment and act like we're friends & whatnot.

 

People that haven't hit me up in maybe 4 years are answering to it. It's really funny, because like I said it was just a lame joke.. and now all of a sudden I've got people coming out of the wood-work acting like we're long-lost buddies & stuff. LOL.

 

Besides that, I finally told miss-whats-her-face I don't wanna waste the time talking to her anymore. We've been flirting on/off for the last month and it's gotten to the point where we want to kill each-other. (not literally, but yeah) So I just feel like it's useless to continue. We're not gonna see each other any time soon, so why be text-pals? I was a text-pal with A for years and look how that turned out: years of aggravation to the point I had to literally ignore her for months until she got the hint.

 

Whatevs, dawg. No regrets, right?