Incredibly confused. Is this the end?

[jdm12376]

[22M, 20F] I've known this girl for one and a half years. Instantly, we felt a connection and she said shes never felt the same way about a guy.

 

It all fell to pieces six months in as I had significant personal issues which I didnt' address properly (she doesn't know the specifics because I'm very private). So, I ended the relationship and it really hurt her.

 

Over the next year I would drunkenly call her and she would pick me up for one night stands. We would even hang out from time to time. During this time she became even more enamored about me and desperately wanted to rekindle but I didn't' rekindle it because I still had the same issues. This year I started to resolve my issues and emotionally grew fonder of her.

 

Two months ago we had a huge fight when we were out. She ended up crying and walking away but, supposedly, came back to look for me. We didn't talk for a month because I felt like a and (as I've now found out) she wanted to get over me. After that month, she came over to drop some things off and said that shes started to see someone else. This guy was friendzoned with her for about 6 months and I know she didn't have feelings for him but he always tried getting with her. He hooked up with her when she was crying about me about a month before and he picked her up the night we had the fight.

 

I confronted her with my true feelings and, even though she said no originally, she eventually gave us a shot by breaking things off with the other guy. Over the three weeks we were perfect together - I could see she still had the same strong feelings for me and we slept together, held hands, went to my family's dinner, acted coupley and it was all perfect. The only problem is she would occasionally pull back when she wasn't around me and this led to some emotionally draining conversations. Still, I thought I had won her back.

 

Three weeks ago she said that she couldn't do it and we both need to move on now. She said it wasn't the right time, it wasn't the right thing for us to do now, that the other guy had been too nice to her, she couldn't break things off because she would feel like a , that I just want what I can't have and that if it was what I truly wanted then I would've acted on it ages ago. That last two points are key. She said that she will always have strong feelings for me because she liked me so much and that when I am ready for a relationship in the future then we can give it a go. I gave my all to win this girl back and it feels like its been thrown into my face.

 

When we met in person I could tell how hard it was for her and we kissed. She said that its only going to make things harder for us and that she will probably regret her decision. When I said I had issues in the past, she said that she has issues now (the new guy is so incredibly nice to her, she always hangs out with him and his friends, etc..). I could tell she was hanging onto her decision to not go out with me for dear life. She said she just had to make a decision and then she left.

 

I drunk messaged her that weekend and she said she had a dream about me. We talked a couple days after for an hour and she held onto her decision. She said she wanted it for so long and that's why she gave it a chance but shes not sure if maybe she wanted it for the sake of it (even though she said we get along great, the sex is amazing and shes comfortable with me). She also said she needed to move on but will always have feelings for me and maybe when we are older/I'm ready that we could give it a shot. She said that he wanted a relationship but I don't think its what shes that romantically inclined towards him (but will probably be pressured into). I wished her the best with her new relationship because shes a great girl and said I didn't want to be friends. At the end she said she liked me equally as much as the other guy but I doubt it - why would she have been sleeping with me? Why would it be that she was only interested in him after she decided she needed to get over me?

 

We haven't talked in two weeks (I'm in NC). I really need advice on this as its tearing me apart. In person, she knows her feelings for me but when we are apart its like she doesn't even care. I can't help but feel her friends and sister are the key reasons she decided to move on now. Is he just a rebound for the security and safety? Do I have a shot at winning her back ever? Is she just scared of being hurt again?

 

My friends say she doesn't know what she wants but is into the rebound because its security and comfortable. I still feel like such an because that's how I had been before. They say I should just move on completely. But, shes an amazing girl and I can't move on unless I have to.

[shellyf62]

She wanted you, and you weren't interested in anything but a booty call, and now she has found someone else you are now interested??

 

Sounds like your ship has sailed. If I was her I would stay with the other guy. You had your chance, but you didn't want her.

Next time don't take so long to decide.

[mhowe]

Yup....that shipped has sailed. He isn't a rebound...he is a guy who is consistent and shows her by actions, words and attention that she is important to him.

[jdm12376]

So you think that's it forever? I can understand her wanting to move on but she is a great girl and I would like to see how it would go when we're older / our issues are out of the way. It seems like she does really like me but it just isn't the right thing to do now.

[mhowe]

There are plenty of other women --- so move on. She is taken.

 

And --- it appears the "issues" are yours. Lesson learned.....show appreciation to your SO...while you are "dealing with issues".

No one likes to be shut out or ignored.