I am a jealous and insecure girlfriend and it's killing me

[jeanettelee]

I have previously posted here about being possessive of my date, who were only up for a FWB relationship.

 

I could not leave him and eventually we are now in a relationship.

 

I trust him and I really do.

He was with several FWBs when I was kinda dating him.

Later when we were seeing others very often... he was already cutting contacts with them.

 

Despite how he says he is not seeing any of his FWBs anymore...

I cannot stop but think how they look and who they are.

I am so tempted to ask him for their photos or something to see if they are very attractive.

 

Among his FWBs... there is this one girl who, according to him, is smart and adorable.

I know he wanted to date her and she is still very much into him.

But he has told me many times he has lost his feelings for her since we started dating.

I am pretty sure there was briefly a time when he was dating both of us.

The thought of this girl kills me.

 

When I get intimate with him..

I have the image of him having sex with someone else in my mind and that grosses me out.

I also feel very uncomfortable whenever he hangs out with any of his female friends.

This whole jealousy/insecurity thing is killing me.

 

He is a very sweet guy...very caring...

He knows I have a very poor self-image and has been trying to help me building a positive one.

He's committing so much which I did not expect.

I keep pushing him away because I feel that he deserves so much better.

 

I am so confused about myself and our relationship... that it is really stressing me out.

What should I do?

[peam13]

You say that you trust this guy, but if you did, you wouldn't be having these problems.

The core issue with FWB is that, if you do end up in a relationship, you probably know what other relationships they were in before hand (I had a FWB a few months ago, and knew everything about him, people he was sleeping with, people he was dating, but this didn't bother me because I didn't want that from him), I can't imagine going in to a relationship knowing, in detail, all of that.

It seems as if you are seriously torturing yourself here, and that you're really insecure in your relationship.

This really is an issue that i think only you can answer and deal with - but it seems like you have two options.

One: leap of faith. Just close your eyes, breathe (whatever mantra you might have) and go for it, don't hold back and try and move past these things together.

Two: move on.

 

If you can't get over these previous relationships, or can't stop obsessing about these girls, you will forever feel inadequate and insecure and obsessive and upset.

If this is really 'killing' you (which I don't doubt), get out of it.

But, be honest with him and tell him how you feel, he may make you feel much much better about all of this

 

Take care

[jeanettelee]

Thank you peam13 for the reply

It is very true that, knowing all those details... I feel very detached from him.

We were never in a FWB relationship... we were just friends.

But I do know all the details. This girl and that girl...

Cause when we were 'friends', he used to tell me how he felt about this girl and that girl.

 

I don't even remember since when he started liking me 'cause for me... I have always liked him a lot.

 

I AM seriously torturing myself. I can cry and go on for like 4 hours. I can't help but think what he has previously told me about the girls.

 

I have told him all these. He is upset that I seem to be doubting him a lot...

and he is also trying everything to help me with getting over the jealousy.

he's not seeing these former-FWBs even as friends because he knows I'd go crazy.

 

I really don't know. I really don't know what I can do.

[panther]

Are you always kinda jealous or is this happening because of the FWB past?

 

Did he otherwise have any behaviour that makes you insecure? Like he could be seeing anyone else?

 

Look, no matter how jealous you feel, try not to show it too much. I bit of jealousy now and then can be cute, too much will be a turn off.

 

I don't like to tell and to know too much about previous relationships when I am with a man. It would also make me more insecure (was she pretty? Or she had these qualities that I don't have. And so on and I would start making comparisons).

If he keeps telling you stories about other women from the past, say that you don't want to hear them anymore.

[Sportster2005]

I wouldn't trust someone who had multiple FWBs.

[dobbin]

It doesn't seem like you trust him; if you did you wouldn't be facing all these trust issues.

 

First off, did you know he had multiple FWBs when you became FWB with him? If so, why would you do agree to that?

To me personally, I would never date a FWB, let alone a FWB who has multiple FWBs. It just seems strange. Perhaps I'm more traditional and only date one person at a time and I expect the same from my partner.

 

You have 2 choices really, (1) sit down with him define your relationship; if you guys decide you are going to be monogamous then work on your jealousy/insecurity issues (2) if you are not monogamous move on

[jeanettelee]

thank you for all the replies.

I have talked to him about it extensively and we are doing great now.

it's just from time to time I'm worried that at some point of time he may like his frds more than me...