How long do you give a guy to prove he's bf material??

[rvr350]

This one is for the ladies out there...

 

How long do you give a guy to prove he's bf material? Do you need to feel a click within the first couple dates, or do you give them brownie points if he's showing improvement from date to date? When will you show your personal side to him? how many dates?

 

Just curious... thanx.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

Just be urself and enjoy each date, and observe him, the way he dresses, speaks and carries himself and see if he those punctual one or those late kinds.. Haha!

[rvr350]

I guess i am looking to gauge what kind of things i should be looking for in each date of this early stage. We've emailed quite a bit, and talked a lot about work, family, things we do... But is that enough? I always try to draw my date to talk more inner stuff, like feelings to me, but somehow i don't think she's ready to talk yet. Am I pushing too much? Thanks.

[ShySoul]

Well, not a lady but i'll take a try at helping you out anyways.

 

There's no definite timeframe on when things should happen. Some people may feel an instant connection while others know each other for ages before finding that spark. It depends on the person. Is she shy? Has she been in alot of relationships? How old are you? She may be uncomfortable talking about personal things and need time get comfortable enough to trust you. If your young and she hasn't had many relationships maybe she is unsure of herself and doesn't want to do anything wrong or go too fast. If she has had relationships, maybe something went wrong and she is afraid things will go bad again. There could be any number of reasons for her not opening up.

 

The important thing to look for is if she enjoys being around you and shows a desire to talk with you and meet you again. If she does then things are going good. You just need to have patience. Let her know she can trust you, show it through your words and actions. When she's ready she'll confide in you.

[ticklebug]

We've emailed quite a bit, and talked a lot about work, family, things we do... But is that enough? I always try to draw my date to talk more inner stuff, like feelings to me, but somehow i don't think she's ready to talk yet. Am I pushing too much? Thanks.

 

rvr - you are pushing too much. You need to let "inner feelings" just come out when the person chooses to tell them...don't try to get them to say things...let nature take it's course. To get to conversations like that a person has to get comfortable with you...and that starts with the more trivial subjects (work family etc)...

 

You might be comfortable talking about those types of things from the get go....but that doen't mean a girl is...if you don't let them take things in their own time...you will push them away.

[rvr350]

We are both working mature adults. It's been a while since I broke up (several years), so my radar's a bit off. I'm pretty trusting person, so i think it's a lot easier for me to open up than other people. I'll keep the conversation around the usual subjects until I feel she's more comfortable. We met on the internet, and actually we knew some personal stuff about each other before we met, but when we meet face to face, I guess it's back to square one, and I need to earn her trust. What else besides work, family, and hobby??? I am very good at listening, but i'm looking for something else we could chat. Thanks again!