ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 She called me and cancelled. Now what? Link to comment
confuzedboy89 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 maybe something came up at the last minute? Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 you ex? how long ago did you break up? Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 We were dating for months. She's been pulling away lately, and I was worried she was going to stop dating me. We are not officially a couple. She is interested in another guy. She asked to meet with me to talk, and then she cancelled. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 If you read my other posts, they all start with "she's pulling away" and you'll get my story there. Thanks for your time. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 yeah, good synopsis...i was just reading previous postings of urs Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I keep wondering if she cancelled with me because he asked her out? What can I do? I don't want to come off as desperate. Link to comment
fallslikerain Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Did she say why she canceled? thats the most important question here I've been reading your past posts and I don't really think she's good relationship material, she's too flaky. Relationships should be mutual partnerships in which both parties help eachother be happy. She's making you jump thru a lot of hoops. Just remember that you should never try to keep someone who isn't trying to keep you. If she's not making you happy(and she isn't) its better to get out. Breaking up with someone hurts a lot less than being broken up with(even though I feel like she already has broken up with you) You have to make it clear to yourself that there is a line, and if someone crosses it, you'll walk, and not look back Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 well from the general idea i get about the sitution it seems you can do one of two things: accept that you are casually dating and take it for what it is and dont get too stressed about the realtionship or tell her you really like her and if you cant be the only one she is seeing than you are going to stop seeing her and stick to it. i think someone else said...go and do your own dating also like she is. thats an option. but i think that if you are not actually bf &gf you should stop with the "i love yous" she may think you are getting too serious about her. try to be casual and keep alittle mystery so she stays interested. if she is not committed to you there is nothing you can do about the way she acts, the only thing you can control is your actions. if you cont to see her realize you may get hurt. i know its hard but try to stay cool and casual and dont be so available, she will just end up taking advantage of you because she will know she has you in the palm of her hand... Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 all the "what ifs" are just gonna drive you crazy. like what if she is with him? dont do this to yourself its not worth it. you guys arent even seriously dating, if its hurting you this much...maybe you should break it off and find someone that appreciates your love. if you are bothered about why she cancelled ask her, but you may not hear what you want or maybe it was nothing that would bother you. i think she should have apologized and told you something came up, not just leave you in the dust. and if you dont ask then leave it at that and move on. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 She said she had to work a few extra hours at work, and would be "too tired" to get together BUT she knew about this yesterday (the extra work) when she asked to meet with me. It just doesn't wash somehow. I think the real reason is because something "better" came up. Just remember that you should never try to keep someone who isn't trying to keep you. I have to agree there. I am not seeing any real effort on her part. I'm not the type to cancel on someone, and if I absolutely have to, I make up for it big time. She didn't even suggest alternate plans. She just sort of blew me off. It was like I was supposed to just be cool with it. I feel like a chump. I was so quick to accept her invitation. I assumed she wouldn't cancel! She has cancelled in the past, I should have known she might cancel. Damn. Ya...her behavior has been really flaky lately. I'm starting to think that she has no clue as to what she really wants. She was so into me at first, so intense. I just don't get it. You may be right, she may not be good relationship material at all. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 Thanks Amanda. You are younger than she is, and you sound so much more mature! I think we have been casually dating for too long, and that we should take it to the next level, but that doesn't seem to be what she wants with me. I wouldn't feel right dating a new woman, it wouldn't be fair to the new woman. I guess I'm old fashioned. LOL. It's like that book, she's just not that into me! Harsh. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 she will just end up taking advantage of you because she will know she has you in the palm of her hand I think that just may be the reality of the situation. I am settling for less than I deserve, and I shouldn't be doing that. If it was a buddy of mine in my situation, I'd think he should dump her...the writing is on the wall...yet I have such a hard time seeing my own situation objectively like that. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 you sound like a great guy. its only normal to want to move to the next level when you like someone. well if its not fair to the new women meaning you would still be seeing girl #1 then drop girl #1 like a wet towel and find yourself a sweet girl. you said- If it was a buddy of mine in my situation, I'd think he should dump her...the writing is on the wall...yet I have such a hard time seeing my own situation objectively like that. i think its time to be your own best friend. you know in your heart what you have to do. you sound like your ready for an actual relationship and she is not so move on. you shouldnt put yourself through these games. and yes...its sooo like that book.... Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 Geeez....this is really eating me up! This woman has given me cards, love letters, sent countless emails, gifts, introduced me to her mother, and I've done the same. She has given me more than I've given her actually. Often I was just trying to keep up to her! It all moved so quickly. She insisted that we were just getting to know each other, but in reality, in many ways we were already acting like a couple. The reality is, we were a couple...but we were not having sex. Isn't that just really weird. She kept telling me she wasn't ready for sex yet (I was!!!) She said "I love you" so often. In a hour, she would say it 10 times! I didn't always say it back, because it seemed rather obsessive to me. I said it often enough though, and I said it first sometimes too. We would like in bed for hours, just cuddling and kissing and professing our love for one another. How could she just pull away? Why would she even want to date another man? I'm hurting so much. I miss her. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 i think its time to be your own best friend. you know in your heart what you have to do. ya...but it hurts so much. I just keep crying over all of this. I am ready for a relationship. I don't need to date someone for months on end before getting closer. Do you think she is playing games? Could a woman be so cruel?Sometimes I think that she might be messed up emotionally or something. I know that I don't want to talk to her right now. I am feeling so hurt and so confused. I can't think straight. My heart is battling with my mind. I would never play with someone's feelings. I am having such a hard time with this. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I wouldn't even be able to face her to end this. One look in her eyes, and I'm a goner...and she knows it too. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 Thanks for the support people. I am very appreciative. I cannot let myself call or email her. I have to find some inner strength. Thanks for helping me. It means a lot. Link to comment
ticklebug Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 ocean - there are people, both men & women, who are only able to take a relationship so far before it scares them. Yes you said you loved each other, yes you hugged and cuddled all night, yes you had wonderful times together...but there is something from her past that just will not let herself go farther than that...any chance it will, and she will do what she can to run away from it...and start the cycle over again. She desperately wants to be loved (as is obvious with the need to be assured by saying I love you a alot) but she is also desperately afraid of it. For whatever reason, she doesn't feel worthy of it and will pull away from someone before, she assumes, they will pull away from her. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 well she is either playing with you for her own content or she is just being casual and is honestly ignorant that she could be hurting someones feelings. she is either a cruel or innocent heartbreaker. i dont know, you know her better. wouldnt it hurt more to date and then have her be like, gee i think i need my space or to see other people, cause thats where i think shes at right now in her life. she doesnt sound ready to settle. and as for not being able to end it, i know its hard and that you turn into mush when you see her but you have to do whats best for yourself. if you want to cont, its just gonna hurt cause she is going to be with other guys and she has a right cause she is not committed. sometimes you just have to respect yourself enough to not settle for anything less than you deserve. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 ticklebug, Do you think that there is anything I can do? I feel so completely helpless in this situation. Is she going to just keep pulling away time and time again? I don't want anyone else. I want to be with her. I am hurting so much...I know that I am in love with this woman. I recognize that her behavior isn't mature right now...but what if she is freaking out because of the intimacy? I didn't see this coming. I honestly thought and believed that she needed to go slow. I would have kept going slow for her. That she is turning to someone else is really hurting me, and I am doubting if she really does love me, or if she even knows what mature love is? If I leave her alone for awhile, will she come around? Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 wouldnt it hurt more to date and then have her be like, gee i think i need my space or to see other people, cause thats where i think shes at right now in her life. she doesnt sound ready to settle. Yes, that would hurt a lot too. Maybe it would hurt more. I think I am way too emotional right now to make any sort of wise decision. Her behavior as of late just doesn't seem completely normal to me. Maybe I am over-reacting or over-analyzing because I am in emotional pain. Ya, she doesn't seem ready to settle. There is no way for me to know the real reasons behind her behavior. She was going to talk with me, then she cancelled...so I've been left hanging, left to wonder what is going on, left to wonder how she is feeling and what she is thinking. That doesn't seem like very loving behavior to me. Maybe she isn't ready for any type of mature relationship at this time...and I would just be banging my head against the wall again and again. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I don't think she was just playing because I think she gave way more than a player would. Players don't give things to people, do they? Link to comment
amanda22 Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 you mentioned to ticklebug that you thought you had to 'go slow' with her. that is totally reasonable but you CAN be in a relationship and go slow at the same time. its not fair for her to be with other guys. that doesnt sound like she is afraid of being with people, it just sounds like she is afraid of comittment. i just dont think she is being fair to you. she is having her cake and eating it too. Link to comment
ticklebug Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 ocean... that's the point, she is afraid to know what real love is...she doesn't feel worthy of it... She cancelled because she really doesn't know what to say to you...and it wouldn't be anything you'd want to hear...nor does she want to hear you begging her to come back... right now, I'd really say you have gone past the point of no return and you need to work on detaching yourself emotionally from her. The two of you are at very different points in your life...and there is no gaurantee she will EVER get to where you are when it comes to being open to unconditional love. ocean..you really need to close the book on this and work on getting over her...all these questions you have...keep leading you back to the same place... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now