she's pulling away...she cancelled

[ocean9]

The truth is hard to hear, but I do need to hear it. If this is over for her, I need to hear the words. Is that too much to ask?

 

What do I do with all of her stuff that is here, and all of the stuff she gave to me?

 

I'm sitting here surrounded with memories.

 

 

[amanda22]

if they are yours put them away. some people say throw it away, if you can go for it. if you cant put it away in shoeboxes and in your closet or under your bed. throw away as much as you can though. if its hers, give it back and tell her that your ready for something more and its just not working out. out of sight, out of mind helps alot. its a start.

[amanda22]

you never know, if you put your foot down then she might be like, wait i do want a relationship or at the very least maybe she will stop seeing the other guy. if not than it will save you alot of heartache and its her loss.

[ticklebug]

If this is over for her, I need to hear the words. Is that too much to ask?

 

for some people yes....actions speak louder than words in many cases ocean...her canceling talking to you is yet another action...

 

and even if she does tell you it's over, you are going to ask why, and then for whatever explanation she gives you there will be more questions and more questions...you will never be satisfied with what you are being told because it isn't what you want to hear.

[fallslikerain]

well, since i'm assuming that you and her were really as close as you say, and in a casual relationship, in my mind you have two options since she's driving you nuts.

 

A) Tell her how upset you are, believe it or not there are people and couples out there that will logically talk things out with each other.

 

B) Tell her that you don't like the way she treats you, and if she won't change you'll walk. Be confident and direct, no misscommunication.

 

C) Do nothing and nothing will change

[ocean9]

I would love to talk with her...the thing is she cancelled...so there's nothing I can do tonite about this.

 

It is pretty obvious to me that I am doing all of the work, and that is not healthy for me, or for her for that matter.

 

I am going to try not to call her tomorrow. I may be here posting a lot to deal with this! I figure I'm better off posting here than making a fool out of myself.

[fallslikerain]

thats a good idea, whenever you get upset it helps to take yourself out of the situation for a little while to regroup when possible. Find a day that would work for you then call her and just say " I want to meet tuesday at 7pm so we can talk in person" be specific and direct.

[eggie23]

I just read through your threads & I'm kind of gong through the same thing right now-- girlfriend just taking me for granted & pulling away like crazy. No sex for a couple of months. Total heartbreak.

 

What I decided to do was simply start (completely unnanounced) a period of no contact. It's been two weeks & she's tried to contact me twice, asking to get together & chat. I haven't responded.

 

I want her to really, really miss me & start not to take me for granted. If she moves on, so be it-- I'll save myself some time & pain, but I'm really hoping she'll start to respect me more & not assume I'll always be there for her-- I was so incredible to her in every way & I'm trying to make her realize this.

 

My plan (although it's KILLING me & I cry a lot) is to have absolutely no contact for a month--at which point I'll call her to see how she's doing. I'm praying she'll have more appreciation for me & we can start fresh--

 

I realize I'm taking a huge risk that she'll just disappear,she's pretty hot & will have guys circling in no time, but I was kind of feeling like our relationship was about to end anyway. Pursuing her would only make her withdraw more.

 

I think you & I share a common flaw-- we care too much & we are way too willing to make our girlfriends our top priority. I routinely dropped everything to do stuff for her -- I never said no. I think, believe it or not, that caring too much is what is killing your relationship. If you were less of a sure thing for her, a puppydog hanging on her every whim, you might be more sexually interesting & exciting for her & your relationship would improve.

 

For my own sake I'd love to hear what everyone thinks of this theory & strategy -- women especially.

[ticklebug]

why go through the agony of NC for a month only to possibly get trampled on once again? In the "hopes" they start to realize what a great person you are?

 

Please!

 

The true colorrs of these people you are dating have come out. Doesn't matter how long or short of a time period it was - it happened.

 

They aren't compatible with you. Learn from your mistake, learn to still be giving without giving too much of yourself and find someone to share your newfound self assurance with.

[ocean9]

I think that I have to do NC to protect my heart, and to get some space. If she realizes what she lost, that's a bonus, but I honestly don't think she is going to suddenly change her ways. She has serious issues that she has to work through on her own. She may come around to see why I pulled back, but that won't change anything. She's not where I am at, and may not be anytime soon. I cannot go back to "just friends" right now, no way, my heart would get stomped.

 

Yep, her true colors were coming out, and I honestly didn't like what I was seeing or experiencing. There will always be the risk that she will pull away/disappear again...and that's a huge risk for my heart. I don't care to be walking on an emotional minefield, watching my every step. No thanks. I should be able to just be me.

 

NC is really hard with her, because we communicated so often, so intensely. The silence is deafening!

[ocean9]

I think you & I share a common flaw-- we care too much & we are way too willing to make our girlfriends our top priority. I routinely dropped everything to do stuff for her -- I never said no. I think, believe it or not, that caring too much is what is killing your relationship. If you were less of a sure thing for her, a puppydog hanging on her every whim, you might be more sexually interesting & exciting for her & your relationship would improve.

 

I want a woman who appreciates and respects how caring I am. I don't want to be a jerk. Someone out there is more compatible with me, and WON'T take advantage of my giving nature! I don't want to change who I am to please someone, that isn't very self-loving.

 

But ya, we shouldn't go to extremes and hang off their every word. I agree with that!

[eggie23]

I hear ya brother-- the silence is deafening -- but I think you've got the right attitude. (Probably better than mine! javascript )

 

I think it's really unfair for the dumper to beg to be friends. It's like they want to have it both ways. It's totally cruel for them to expect us to stand by & watch them date other people & act "normal."

 

My EX wants me to be her friend but I just can't do it -- it'l just prolong the agony--

[ocean9]

I think it is completely unfair to hold on to us too! Yes, they want to have it both ways...have their cake and eat it too. They keep us on a string "just in case" things don't work out elsewhere. It's wrong. It's disrespectful of us.

 

Yep, it'll prolong the agony for sure! How can we possibly let go and move on if we stay in contact?

[mccarleighp]

try talking to her and tell her how u feel

[Belle]

try talking to her and tell her how u feel

 

Try picking a post that isn't a year and a half old...